Quite pissed off about this, am I being daft?

[FlightAttendant]

Today ds1 went abck to school and was really looking forward to it.

I went to get him at 3.15 and he was absolutely busting to tell me about the 'thing' that had landed in the woodland bit of the playground.

I followed him and a large crowd of grown ups and children was standing around this thing, which looked to me very much like a huge air conditioning unit half buried in the ground, with a slightly blackened tree next to it.

I have to admit I immediately thought it was a kind of set up, for fun - there was stripey tape all round it and nobody allowed to touch.

Ds told me that it had apparently 'crashed' last night, and was from a satellite or spaceship or similar and it even had the voltage written on it!

He loves this kind of thing so was utterly serious and really quite blown away by the idea. They had spent all day finding out about it and someone from the BBC had apparently come and interviewed a witness, with a microphone but no camera.

There is nothing on the BBC website. The newsletter just arrived and there is a large paragraph about it - 'We hope the children enjoyed the 'space mystery' today, our project this term is all about space' etc etc...

I didn't know what to do, so stupidly, probably, I told ds it wasn't actually from a spaceship, and he started to cry

I mean is this just like the Father Christmas thing we do with them, or is it actually rather cruel of them to lie about something so potentially thrilling - I have probably done the wrong thing but he would have found out later anyway no doubt and been MORE upset.

He is insisting the newsletter is wrong and is very cross and fed up.

Can anyone talk me down, I really don't need another confrontation with the HT...I am just so sad for him.

FlightAttendant Wed 06-Jan-10 11:52:19

They ahd a reporter and everything but, oh what a surprise it wasn't on the news.

When my colleague's son's school carried out a similar scenario it appeared on the local BBC news a few days later and also on local radio.

Feenie I concur they would probably love it as an 'activity'

the trouble being that it was not introduced as such. It was elaborately corroborated with a 'witness' who 'heard a loud bang in the night' and gave an interview to a 'reporter'.

The kids genuinely thought it had landed in the middle of the previous night and nobody knew what it was.

None of the parents knew either - I came home and looked it up, then the newslwtter arrived and everything was in '' to demonstrate that it was not real - today's 'space mystery' etc etc

and introducing space as the topic for this term. It took me over an hour to catch on myself.

thanks Mrz perhaps it will be.

Feenie, you are very perceptive.
I am a Daily Mail reader, I think it is a great paper , even though it is not PC

This type of exercise inspires creative thinking . It aims to make the children question things. Education is NOT about moving up the ORT levels and doing worksheets as many people seem to believe, It is about learning how to think independently, how to question things, thinking outside the box, being imaginative... These are life skills that need to be used in all jobs (i.e. that's not working - what can I do now? Are there any alternatives? How can I solve that?)

Throughout FA's dc's school ALL the children will all be discussing if the spaceship is real - that will encourage debate and the ability of children to substantiate their arguments. The doubters will be thinking of reasons why they think it's a hoax, and trying to find evidence to support that / who put it there, and why. The believers will be thinking of where it came from, who was in it, etc, etc. The learning opportunities are immense.

This is the way education has to go if we want a creative and innovative workforce in the future.

There was a thread discussing Ken Robinson's talk about creativity on the Education pages recently. It's quite old, but relevant to this discussion:
www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

I'm having a really hard time with your (and others' on the thread) perceptions, FA! Words like 'lie', 'deceived', 'manipulative', 'dangerous' - I've not read anything yet about this situation which warrants the use of this kind of language.

Teachers create this kind of situation all the time. It's good practice, it's exciting, and it's fun.

Are you really telling me that when, for example, I've awarded a y3 class gold crown shaped certificates for being the kingdom of Zog's official story tellers, I 'manipulated' and 'deceived' those children? I never told them the truth, but they were absolutely thrilled and pleased as punch. No doubt many parents on this thread would have told their children the 'truth' so that they still 'trusted' me, and so that I was more 'respectful to their developing minds'.

For god's sake.

I think your response fits in quite well with an "aspie" view of the world- a bit literal and very passionate about truth. Perhaps that's why you're getting a very mixed response here. Many mumsnetters of the more nt variety will see this as wonderfully imaginative and creative teaching and headteachers are likely to do so too. No one is wrong per se- just slightly different ways of thinking about the situation. I think you may have to consider that your son has to negotiate both worlds though- both your AS one and the NT one at school and beyond. I'm sure he receives many benefits from doing so most of the time but this may be one of the times when there's a bit of a clash.

Not sure what to say really.

erm, I think you've taken FA's comment about having an Asperger's brain a bit too literally, Skegness .... rather ironic, that!

No no I do have AS, sorry.

Just trying to think what to write to Feenie and Skeg. I wouldn't joke about having AS.
It's Ok mim.

completely hysterical overreactions on this thread. And far too many people giving adult emotional responses to children re them finding out they'd been deceived etc, children just don't react like that. Otherwise there would be billions of children in the world who couldn't possibly trust an adult again after they find out the truth about father Christmas, and that appears not to be the case, so why should this be any different?

The reality is that a child is only going to feel deceived if they are being told they've been deceived. With FC most children simply grow up and realize that it can't possibly be real, rather than parents actively telling them that it isn't, iyswim. Similarly with this project they would probably have realized in time that it couldn't be real, if not now then later, and again, there wouldn't be the disappointment because with the self realization would come the understanding of the reason..

Tbh, your ds wouldn't have been upset if you hadn't felt the need to insist he was being deceived.

thank god you do not teach any of my children Feeney
Presenting a staged situation as the truth is deception.you may think you are very creative and fresh an something that will impress OFSTED , but is a very cheap trick to gain children's attention.
Do you really think children as old as Y5 would trust what you say and respect you the same in future ?
When they start making up lies for you will that be OK too?

Wannabe what about all his friends telling him, or doesn't that count?

madamearcati feeney said that her y5's would have enjoyed the project when they had been in y2.

FA I do think that's different yes, because children communicate with each other on a different level to adults. It was actually a friend of mine that first told me that FC didn't exist, and I certainly felt no sense of deception over it.

As matter of interest, why is it that you feel that you should gradually introduce the idea that fc isn't real, whereas you needed to be totally blunt about this project? Seems that you don't want your ds to know that you've deceived him over fc but want him to know that the school have "deceived" him over the space landing?

Oh, get a grip, madamearcati. I've been teaching for 15 years, from Y2 right up to Y6, and NEVER had any reaction other than delight, excitement and enthusiasm for writing.

"thank god you do not teach any of my children Feeney" Cheers for that. I could respond in kind and say that I thank god that you are not one of the parents in my class, but I would rather thank Christ that I live in a world where the children I teach are inspired to learn, and their parents are happy for them to do so.

"you may think you are very creative and fresh an something that will impress OFSTED" The day I teach to impress Ofsted rather than instil in children a love of using their imagination to write will definitely be the day I jack it in.

and how would you feel if a teacher had told him the truth about fc because they felt it was wrong to be deceived?

Wannabe, I take your point about other children telling him possibly not being so bad.

The thing about me not wanting him to know I have deceived him...no, no no not at all.

I will hold my hands up to that.
I already half don't pretend. He has started to twig.
Father Christmas is an absent benificent figure. He is not a piece of wood painted to look like a satellite. I have never gone to great lengths to create corroborative evidence. My writing is the same as FC's writing.

I don't think ds really cares, not now, if he ever did.
The school has created something he really desperately cares about. They have given themseves maybe a week to allow the truth to surface. He is not going to have stopped caring within a week.

Children do stop caring about santa as they get older, which is OK. But you wouldn't pretend to a small child that FC was real then immediately submit them to the knowledge that he wasn't.

I suppose I did it because I knew they would tell him soon anyway and it would hurt, so I was trying to avert that moment being public for him.
If I'd known it was a big secret to be kept till they were 10 or something I'd have just kept quiet I think until he was old enough not to really care. I probably did act without thinking it through - in hindsight my reaction may have been for the best, it may not.

See wannabe, I don't really equate a teacher with a parent.

I don't see that would be their place. And if they don't see it as my place to expose their little stories either, then they might have given me prior notice of this expectation that I might have complied with it.

Mrz - I lament the loss of innocence and imagination.

I'm quite amazed at this thread. Our school does this and it does fire up those who have forgotten to how to think and imagine.
We've had excellent discussions at home following on from the days at school. One day was about building on the school field. The children came home enthused by town planning of all things. My ds in particular didn't believe it but still entered into it becoming a protagonist for building the houses just to be awkward. He has learnt to become far more skilled at debating from these days. My dd did believe it for a while and thoroughly enjoyed it. Her world and the world of many did not come crashing down.

Sorry Kitty but what has town planning and buildingon the school field got to do with pretending a spacehship has crashed?

Did you pretend you were really building a town or somethign?

I Meant to say the world of dd and others did not come crashing down when they found out they had been "conned"
I'm with wannabe that everyone is projection adult emotions on to the children.

How is FA's son being very upset adult projection?

When they all arrived at school there were loads of diggers on the playing field and police. The headteacher had actually chained themselves to a digger in protest at the planned development. What followed was the children had to pursuade the council to stop.

FlightAttendant's DS was very upset and burst out crying and I am sure he was not the only child to do so.

It is to do with the degree of excitement and expectation generated, followed by the sharp disappointment. In a small way it is similar to getting a child excited about the prospect of Father Christmas bringing lots of presents, and on Christmas Day the child finds no presents under the tree, and then telling the child that Father Christmas doesn't exist.

I don't think we will get any agreement on this , we all perceive it in a different way

Well that sounds awful, too, kitty. That would have upset me as a child and I know that some of my children would have been disturbed and need reassuring about something like that.