Transferring from private to state - things not to say to/ask the Head.

[thedolly]

I have a meeting with the Head of our catchment primary school (5-9) next week.

So what things shouldn't I say/ask the Head if I want to give the right impression.

It's beginning to feel like a bit of a soap opera now - this is my 4th thread on the same topic . I nearly posted this in AIBU .

However it does have the potential of being quite a funny thread and it may even help me from committing an unwitting private/state faux pas.

Thanks.

no probably a fruit buncake in your handbag

Don't ask how many children have asbos.

Can't really believe you are asking this question. It should make no difference 'what impression you make'. If you apply to the local state and you are in catchment and they have a place you will get it - as simple as that! There are no extra prizes for wearing the right clothes or asking the right questions.....

My DD has just moved from inde to state primary and I simply asked the questions I would have asked if the move had been the other way. The only issue I have had so far is with the extra curricular stuff - I was led to believe that there would be a lot of opportunities (which my DD had in the private sector) but that has not materialised at all. So if this is important to you ask specific questions - what clubs, what year groups are they available for and how many places in relation to number of children....etc etc

Of course you can ask if they have an orchestra. My DC's school has one. And an infant and a junior choir. You can ask whatever you like. Relax.

At a rural village school with 70 pupils FM????

I am sure we will get in, that is why I want to make the 'right' impression. What is so hard to understand about that lexie01?

The right impression simply means not coming across as a snob.

I don't get the mad emphasis on clubs. The school DC are at atm offers a plethora of them and we avail of hardly any.

[sigh]

then just ask open neutral questions. You don't sound thick so why is that difficult?

"The school looks lovely Mrs Headteacher person - can you tell me a bit more about non academic subject as well as clubs and activities" and "may I see the stables for the polo ponies?"
OK . maybe not the second one.

If you don't wish to be a snob stop worrying about how you appear and turn up to look at the school and meet this person - who will probably be very nice.I am sure you are posh enough but frankly most of the world doesn't care and some posh people send their children to state schools.It is even possible (sit down now) the Head may even have met a posh bird before and not be shocked and/or horrified.

You are starting to sound a bit like its all about MEEE darling.

This must be a wind up surely? How could anyone expect a small primary school to have a strings group. Is the OP a journalist having a laugh?!

I'm the poshest person I know (go on, test me, I can prove it!) and my dcs are at a state school.

The asking 'open neutral questions' is good advice.

The rest is a bit spiteful. I don't understand why I am getting so many peoples backs up.

I want to make the 'right' impression for the sake of my DCs in the hope that they will settle in quickly and seemlessly so it's actually all about them.

If one is really posh you do not say the word "posh"

happywomble - I don't know what to expect but one thing I have learned from MN is that as soon as you 'assume' x,y and z about a state school someone will come along and 'surprise' you (Like LadyGlencoraPalliser and her Latin club ).

ok, I can't be bothered reading this entire thread- is this what mumsnet is about- people taking the piss if you dare to ask advice. I am disappointed with this concept I had of people who would help with queries.

Its not spiteful. Its true.
Why do you think the Head will think badly of you if you are posh?
Why do you think that the Head does not meet posh people often?

And why on earth do you seem to honestly believe thatthe head will view your children differently because of how she views their parent. That is quite an extraordinary view. She could loath you for any number of reasons and still find your children delightful.

I put that very politely in my first post which you seemed determined to ignore. Do you think everyone who is trying to correct your incredibly misguided thinking is being spiteful?
I hope your children do well, that is actually the only reason I have posted - but being preoccupied with how you are perceived will not help them. It is actually a pretty offensive assumption to make about any head and any teacher when you think about it.

happywomble - it doesn't count if you put it in quotes I always use quotes.......

pagwatch I am not posh (whatever that means) - go on, test me, I can prove it!

ingles2 - I work in a school with 70 pupils and yes we do have an 'orchestra'. Just happen to have musical head. Depends what staff are into too.

OP - Don't assume/presume anything about what is/is not on offer in state schools.

IF you like the school send your Dc if not, don't. As others have said it really doesn't matter what the head thinks of you....

One other thing - don't go offering the head a cheque as a deposit for your DCs places!!

Thanks optimisticmumma

Another thing, I think people often forget that private schools may have a lot of "extras" on offer, but you pay for them. I've heard people waxing lyrical about the "free" after school activities at their child's private school - forgetting that they come out of the fees!

There may well be a smaller choice of extra curricular activities at a state school, and it is unlikely to be able to offer bassoon lessons, but there will be plenty available locally if you look around.

Seeker's right, a small village primary will probably not have a full orchestra, but might well have a strings group, depending on teacher/parent skills. But you are saving so much in fees that there should be plenty to pay for any extra music lessons needed. And school days tend to be a bit shorter and there tends to be less prep/homework so there is more time for such things after school.

My dc are in a small village school, 100 pupils, before this they were in a medium sized city school and then a big suburban school (we moved twice). The little village school doesn't have the lovely facilities the previous school had (that had a swimming pool, huge playing fields, orchestras and so on ) but it does have other benefits, the sense of knowing everyone and all the children being friendly and playing together, rather than in separate year groups, it's very jolly.

we also went from Outstanding Ofsted, to Good Ofsted, to Satisfactory Ofsted, as we moved schools, and I really don't see much difference in the quality of education my children are receiving, nor in their achievement levels, nor in their happiness at school. A lot of the Ofsted box ticking is fairly immaterial to the child's experience, it seems from our experience.

gallery, afraid it often is. Just popped back to Mumsnet after being away and this thread reminded me why I come back so infrequently now. Hey, let's bait the perceived 'posh' person! It's soooo hilarious. Lucky you didn't see the deleted comment.

.

gallery and bobthebuddha - there is history here - this is by no means the first thread the Op has started on this subject. Please don't judge those of us who indulged in a little teasing in amongst the advice without knowing the whole story.

My children are at independent schools and posh has been thrown at me occasionally but I don't think you have really got the thrust of the thread if you think it is all baiting and taking the piss.

This wasn't a single query from somone who does not understand the workings of the state system. This was one of several threads where the OP posted in a slightly 'gosh and golly' way as if she had removed her children from the warm embrace of their Governess and was anticipating that a state school would be populated by those who rarely use a knife and fork.And that the childrens places would be in jepoardy if she wore her DVF day dress and forgot to belch occasionally.
She was self mocking and jokey at times and preposterous at other. She got some measured advice, some teasing and ( as on any thread) a few wankers turned up too.

If this sort of thread is the reason you don't visit mumsnet then you have a very thin skin.
Personally it is SAHM vs WOHM that always make me want to run for the hills.

What pagwatch said in her 22:25 post.

This is not about you. It's about your children.

You seem to assume that the headteacher will treat your children differently according to what impression she forms of you and your social standing.

Only a bad teacher or headteacher would do so.

Shouldn't you wait with making assumptions about her being a bad teacher until you have actually spoken to the poor woman?

This is not a job interview! It's not about you making an impression; they won't be teaching you for a start. It's for you to find out the answer to things you want to know! So ask about those. Ask about the curriculum, about extra curricular activities, amything practical that is about your child and not about you.