Transferring from private to state - things not to say to/ask the Head.

[thedolly]

I have a meeting with the Head of our catchment primary school (5-9) next week.

So what things shouldn't I say/ask the Head if I want to give the right impression.

It's beginning to feel like a bit of a soap opera now - this is my 4th thread on the same topic . I nearly posted this in AIBU .

However it does have the potential of being quite a funny thread and it may even help me from committing an unwitting private/state faux pas.

Thanks.

(for ladyglencora.)

Ask if they insist on the stab-proof vests with the school logo on or whether you can get plain ones.

It's important to blend in.

I've got a sense of humour but I don't think calling someone a 'twat' is funny - do you?

If you wanted a serious answer then I'd ask about communication between school and home (how frequent are reports, parents mtgs etc, do they do letters, weekly newssheets or something else), extra curricular activities and whether these run before or after school or at lunchtime, and which secondary schools do most pupils go onto.

What would scare me is that in a slightly rural environment you seem to know no-one with children at the same school? That I do find really quite odd.

What do you need strength for?

i think this thread is really mean

The school is a 10 minute drive from home and all the children nearby go to out of catchment or independent schools.

The playing outside in most state schools is problematic thedolly. You have to contend with fat women passing burger and chips the through the fence. And spotty yoofs in hoodies passing illegal substance. Tis a big worry but you'll get used to it.

Ask if the fagging system is alive and well.

this is priceless. Having a crap day at work and boss has just gone to a meeting so thought I'd have a quick skim through MN. Thanks, this has really cheered me up.

southeastastra - it took a meaner turn than I thought it would. I'm trying not to read too much into it though.

all the children nearby go to out of catchment or independent schools

Ermmm are you QUITE sure about this? Is your child the ONLY child from the catchment area?

Agree with poster who said to ask about communication - might also be worth asking whether you can get involved with PTA or Govs. in order to get to know the local parents, if you don't know many people in the area.

Look, do you want a straight answer to why this thread went so horribly wrong for you? It is because your OP is so patronising. Surely you can see that? The difference between a private and state school is not so vast that you need to be worried about committing "an unwitting private/state faux pas". Your OP read as if you were worried about being too posh to fit in with the local school and surely you can understand why people found that patronising/annoying/funny (delete as applicable)?

Actually LadyGlencora, I think it's posts passim by the OP that sparked it off....

Example: www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=primary&threadid=806186-can-state-primary-education-plus-tutoring-equiv alent-of-private

Somebody asks "can state primary education plus tutoring = equivalent of private?"

Somebody else says:

"In my state primary we expect Y3 to be able to write simple sentences in French. Children begin French & Spanish in nursery. They study Dickens and Shakespeare in depth from Y4. Our children are taught to debate and are more than able to express their opinions. We have lots of free after school sports coaching and extended writing is the norm from reception. My reception children do daily dictation and can write a minimum of half a side of A4 and reading at levels above their chronological age.

Our school offers (as part of the school curriculum)rugby coaching (boys and girls) Cricket coaching boys and girls - provided by DCC) athletics coaching provided by local sports college swimming we have our own pool netball(boys and girls)dance (boys and girls) gymnastics (boys and girls) football (boys and girls) Last term we had a golf pro teaching the children one lesson per week.
We have a recorder club and a guitar club at lunchtime and children are taught clarinet, violin and flute (choice) we have a singing teacher who works with all children and an active choir. A debating club chess club, camera club, film club (making own short movies) gardening club.

Snorkle I think you are underestimating the standard of sports coaching available to state schools - we have coaching staff working with our children who (for their day job) coach national and international sportsmen and women. "

Response from the OP here:

"mrz, just a hunch, but are there any Prep Schools within a 20 mile radius of you?

Oh, and do you live in a fairly affluent area? "

LGP - I would never use the term faux pas in RL, I thought the 'unwittingly committing....' was funny .

morningpaper - we live in a small hamlet with the nearest village 2.5 miles away and in a different catchment, so yes, I am QUITE sure.

btw I am not posh but I am inexperienced wrt the state school system in England.

I could have gone down the 'what questions could/should I ask the Head' route but I have looked through the archive and those threads generally don't get a lot of feedback. So I thought I would try and inject a bit of 'fun' in the hope of finding out some useful info.

Apologies for getting it wrong.

Ask what day it will be your dc's turn to bring in baskets of food for the poor children. This is the norm in state schools - the more affluent pupils bring in soup for the more unfortunate. You may have heard in in the press referred to as "free school meals".

SomeGuy that thread pointed out that some of the 'best' state primary schools are in some of the 'worst' areas of the country and that is exactly as it should be.

As I have just said - I have no experience of the state sector in this country but I do have preconceived ideas which may or may not be wrong. This is why I come on MN and ask for advice.

op - I did try to warn you in your third thread on the subject that you were not painting yourself in a very favourable light:

"Honestly op you talk about state schools as if they are the very work of the devil. More than 90% of children go to them you know, the vast majority with good outcomes.

Did you know that some people who could afford limitless private education actually choose state schools because they think it provides a better experience for their dc?

You are beginning to sound like a stuck record.

"What are the telltale signs that the school may not be as good as OFSTED would have one believe?" -

I don't know I'm afraid but I don't think you're going to be able to find that out from sending your dc for a "trial day". "

I think Mumsnet has possibly had enough of the subject of your dc's first day at the new school. Thousands of us have children starting school this week you know.

I think you're all being mean [hard stare]

I would recommend talking very positively to the school about the change and not acting as though you feel it's a step down, but as though you are enthusiastic about what they can offer. If you have that attitude you should be fine. Accept that some things might be better and some worse than at the independent school and be a bit slow to comment and quick to listen.

It's fine to ask about amount of PE/sport and outdoor play, and how often reading books get changed, or how often children get heard reading, etc. But best not to express shock at the answers.

I would ask about getting involved then - you and your DC/s need to get FRIENDS more than anything so be friendly and smiley and keen and don't start moaning about the crappy schooling for at least the first term

Indeed, but there is a protocol about what is acceptable in such baskets:

Heinz sausage 'n' beans cans - Yes
Jars of cassoulet from Gascony - No

Sugar Puffs - Yes
Waitrose FairTrade Organic Muesli - No

20 Rothmans - Yes
Handmade hemp soap from Lush - no

Please ask if you need any more clarification.

thedolly
I have two children in private/independent schools and one child in a state school
The conversations I have had with the Head teachers at all three schools have been broadly the same encompassing aims, pastoral support, communication and standards.

The teachers in all three schools are highly committed and bright people, the Heads are passionate about their schools and their pupils. I only ever want to know that which will assure me that my child is protected, respected and encourage to achieve their best.
Everything else is bollocks.

Neither group have a secret language or agenda. be yourself, try not to be a twat and you will be fine.
Any school worth its salt will care considerably less about you than your child anyway.

Fennel - I am enthusiastic about the change .

Someguy - I need more clarification, you've lost me.