What do you do when your child has no school to go to in September?? I really need some help please.

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It's fluffy bunny.
I have written some threads about ds in the past, he's waiting to be assessed for aspergers and has previously had real problems at the schools he's been at because he comes across as rude, he can't read social situations very well, he panics and is silly. He's moved school's a few times because of this, the relationship between him and the head of one school was so bad (because the head was a fruit cake and ds questioned why he was only teaching them about the catholic church and no others, the head's solution was for me to pack ds off to a "strict, religious boarding school with a firm housemaster" [hmm). The school he attends currently has a variety of children, the staff are nice (apart from the head) but he's being badly bullied. I was resorting to bringing him home at lunch time to keep him safe, I work so can't always do this. Academically he's very bright and was extremely bored. The work he was given was no where near the right level for him.
He sat an entrance exam for a new school, it's private, harder work, aspergers experience etc but we recieved the letter this morning saying he was 'unsuccessful', despite the head telling me that he did really well on the entrance exam, it doesn't say why on the letter, they are aware that ds is being assessed for aspergers and has moved about as he's not had a good time at school.

We are really stuck now and I really don't know what to do. My options are
A) find him another school - difficult as it's the school holidays
B) send him back to his current school where he's being bullied, head teacher thinks he believes everyone is beneith him, work is way too easy, homework hardly ever marked, child being moved into his class in September who has severe behavioural problems
C) return him to his last school which wasn't too bad, I just couldn't pay the fees how they wanted them to be paid, poor manners in the boys though
D) home educate him, meaning I'd have him 24 hours a day, I'm a single mum, I'd have to leave work.

I really need some words of wisdom.

I'm sorry about your experience it seems absolute madness on the school's part. As a SENCO I spend half my time trying to persuade parents that their child needs to be statemented

Yes I hear people saying about that- strange isn't it?

There is a child moving into his class in September (current school) who does have a statement due to severe behavioural problems, within the first week of ds starting there he came home and told me of this child walking into the class, going to the back of the room, screaming and throwing books across the room. He does have a 1:1 teaching assistant, I know that ds's problems really are mild in comparison, I will be getting him assessed though as I can't not to, if he does need help then I will do this for him. He is a very easy boy to help, 99% of the time it's something he say's that he's heard from someone else and he doesn't know the meaning because it's not something we say at home, once the meaning is explained to him he's remorceful and we don't have the same problem again (not with this word IYSWIM). It's a 3 second job, seriously.

I think he is panicing at school and not coping, it's not a nice environment where he's beeing shouted at/verbally/physically bullied. I think that in environments where he feels safe and valued he'll flourish and his problems will get alot better, he does need someone just to say "ds, do you know what that means?/that came across as abrupt, try this instead." Am I asking too much here?

Thankyou all for your advise and support.

Have you tried making a scrapbook he can keep with sayings etc in as a reference? I know that helps some, he can jot down things he wants to ask in there as well.

(I was LilyOfThe earlier on btw)

Certainly if you don't need a statement that's great but your decision to apply or not should be absed only on your own child, someone else having more severe needs is definitely not the point. Some kids with a statement will be working towards full independence, some towards mixed and some not at all- but as disabled children (or those with SEN of course) they are entitled and rightly so. Children who get a statement need it, they are too damned hard to get otherwise.

I know you haven't got a diagnosis but something I use with children with ASD /ADHD and associated difficulties I find they work for non SEN children too.
You said your son has problems with "bad words" so you might find this example helpful.
There are some for most situations home or school

He has a 'photographic' memory for words/numbers/facts etc so he does 'get it' when he's told. I am going to get him assessed as he does need some coping strategies, I can't be at school with him and his teachers have been incredibly unwilling to help him, perhapse they can suggest something I have not thought of. I wasn't comparing him with the child in his class but in a way, they are world's apart, ds has his own problems, if I can find him some way of him not sounding so abrupt then half of the battle would be won. Socially, I have had to give him alot of advice on how to make friends and on the rules around friends but it's always after the fact, it helps him understand where he's gone wrong so it doesn't happen again but then something different happens and it's the same thing over and over again. I'd like to say his teachers have helped but they just tell him off, then tell me that he's been annoying children at school, I talk to him, find out what he's done and we sort it out so it never happens again, in the mean time the telling's off continue, the reason's for them become more and more silly (for want of a better word, one one occasion it's been because he sneezed 3 times during the carol concert - I know because I was there). There's no let up for him, other children are then on his back because he's in trouble all the time, they don't want to play with him, they go home and tell their parents about him, that he's always in trouble, he's not invited to parties or play dates, it's just so easy to move him, wrong as it is, a fresh start seems to work for a while. He does make friends though, he's funny so attracts the funny children, then he gets into trouble for making them laugh or having fun. He is very good in the classroom though.

Thankyou IusedtobePeachy and mrz

Thankyou for the link mrz, the words he say's are because he's heard someone else say them and he doesn't know that they are swear words, we don't use words like this at home, TV is monitored, he's in bed by the watershed so he's not exposed to swear words (apart from when we go out that is). He knows the major ones and what they mean, I've never known him to say them though, although he has been accused of this at school. He has now been taught not to repeat something he's heard at school unless he knows what it means, he's to come and ask just me and I'll tell him. So far he's heard and asked me about
Spa*tic
tosser
gay boy that sucks
twat, ni**er I'm sure there's more though.

obviously I don't know the criteria used by your LEA for statementing but I can assure you that neither of my boys has "severe" behavioural problems like the boy moving into your son's class - and yet they've both got statements because THEY need help. Like your ds, they can both be funny, charming, happy, caring etc etc - they can also be bloody hard work.

You can't possibly know that your ds wouldn't get a statement - fwiw my mum worked in special schools for 40 years and when I told her ds2 was being assessed she poo-poo'd the idea, saying he'd never get a statement - it came through in record time and our LEA is not known for its generosity ....

You've got to stop moving your son from school to school - yes, it seems the easiest option at the time, but can't you see that if he's coming up against the same problems in every single school, then it must mean he's taking the problems with him. I simply can't believe that every single teacher he's had misunderstands him and picks on him, and that all the kids at every school bully him for no reason (that's not condoning bullying at all, by the way).

Hopefully you can get some positive feedback from the school you wanted him to go to which can help you move on from here. But sadly I suspect that even if he had got in, 6 months down the line you'd have been posting about problems he was experiencing there. You need to get him seen by a paediatrician and apply for a statutory assessment and get that process underway before you even think about another move.

I am going to get him assessed and see where it takes us. There have been teachers that he has got along with and have no problems with him at all (their words). I'm fairly sure knowing him that it's because he's so abrupt when he speaks, it does put alot of people's backs up, adults as well as children. I know that moving him is far from ideal, he needs stability and to make friends, I see this but we really do get to the stage when enough's enough. It's not as if I don't tell them what he can be like before he moves, I would not move him there otherwise.
He's been in three schools by the way so it's not as if it's alot, he's 10 and will need to move next year anyway. It makes more sense to move him to a school where they can support him now, which can adjust his work and where he doesn't need to move from then send him back to his current school and have to battle again!

ds1 has been to 3schoolsat 9, one when we moved and then transfer from infants - junior so I see both where you and mimsum are coming from.

In order to really get thissorted, you need to let thesituation develop. It may be that long term stability is the key; I willsay that ds1 tends toworsen as he 'gets comfy' but either way your direction will be indicated to you. Sometimes (usually) thats what it takes to convince an LEA.

I'd say he but I dont think it would be so god for you personally: theres a lot to be said for breathing time for both of you, thugh again I'dsay rethink if it gets worse.

If thgiswere me i'd have a 3 pronged approach where he tostart with:

1. apply for statement. get help doing so and hope

1. investgate a non dx'ing org such as bibic. they have a website, dont let the namescare you off- theywork with dyslexia onwards these days

1. address the bullying separately, wtrite to the governor and demand to see a copy of their bullying procedue, and complain all the way. regardless of swearing / annoying behaviour etfc he is a child and deserves their protection

Thankyou.
He was at his first school for 4 years, his class teacher was very good, a kind, patient, calm man and I was very sad to see ds leave as he really did do very well in his class. The head, however, was very different. He took over unexpectidly at the start of the school year, he was from a religious school just outside London, a devoubt catholic. I did see him about ds as he's always had the abrupt/lack of social skills problem, he discussed our family circumstances (I'm a single mum), his response was that ds needs 'male input' and I am best off sending him to a strict boarding school with a strong housemaster , bear in mind he didn't know ds, had never met him. The head put a slot for RE (formation) on the curriculum which he taught, in the first lesson he went around the class, asking what faith the children's parents were from, ds, being a lively soul, pipped up "I'm a jedi", which put the head's nose out of joint. It did get alot worse when ds asked if they would be learning about the other faiths aswell, he was promptly told to "shut up, this is my class, not yours". I do understand why ds can sound rude when he meets adults like this. This was why he was moved, I was sent a letter from the head towards the end of the Spring term pretty much kicking ds out, recommending that he was sent to a boarding school, "September 2008 is a good time to do this in my opinion".

TRhe Heasd sounds a nightmare tbh, we've had similar in faith schooling though (a Head saying 'there's no ASD, only bad aprents' not realising the phone (a call from SNAP) was on speakerphone and we could hear)

The RE thing saddens me as it is my specialty- such a response as jedi would fascinate me, be the base of so much discussion, but REteachers seem to me to be either hugely excited by the chances for debate otr totally blinkered into their own way of viewing things, and you have the latter in place. A lot of what your ds is doing could be adressed at least partly in a good RE class, stuff about respect and why we don't swear. Instead it's being used to try and create a one size fits all system- .

You have to get the bullying sorted. The more I think about it, the more I think BIBIC would be worth a chase- their detailed developmental breakdowns really helped with the boys statement applications.

I'll have a look at that, thankyou. If I can just get him to change the tone of his voice so he comes across as less sarcastic, this will really help, I think the teachers will be more on his side so it will be a start.
He is a really great kid (I am biased though), he's really interested in philosophy and why the world is as it is. He's thoughtful, really considerate and very bright. He'd make a real asset to any school if he's given the chance.

Well, the therapist agrees with me, he's caring, considerate, helpful empathetic (seriously) and he's worried he'll be exploited because of his easy going and self less nature. He thinks ds is exceptionally gifted and really bored at school. {sigh}

I'm trying to find someone to do an educational psychology assessment.

orivate or LEA ed psych?

Some poelpe on here ahve links for ed psych (plus bibic have hthem but sory fro repeating myself )

The wait here for a LEA ed psych is months so it would have to be private.

I did email bibic but they have not got back to me. Story of my life!

call them, their admin isthe least useful part of theset up it has to be admitted!

I emailed the very lovely head's PA that showed us around and couldn't do enough, she's replied, said how sorry she is to hear that we are having such difficulties in obtaining a place for ds and has forwarded my email directly to the headmaster, who will respond as soon as he is back in school. I'm not sure what's going to happen now so fingers crossed. It's the head's PA that runs the school, she sorts out all the admissions!!

I'm panicking a bit, the head called yesterday whilst we were out. The first message said "Hello, my name is Headteacher" then he was cut off, he phoned again, leaving another message, "hello, my name is Mr Headteacher, I tried to call you earlier but I was cut off, I'm availiable" then he was cut off again.

ARGHHHHHHHHH! Damn machine!!! No letter in the post today telling me to piss off and stop harassing them so this is positive right??

Ds has recieved a referal letter from the CAHMS team for the end of September. Are these the right people??

Yes CAMHS will begin assessments for ASD or related conditions.

Thankyou. His therapist thinks it's a good idea, he see's ds the way I do, caring, condiderate, very thoughtful, he can't see why his teachers say the exact opposite either, I know that we both see him on a 1:1 basis, I've been watching ds in games workshop when he's with other children, he's helpful and supportive with all of them, this is the feedback I've been getting from the staff aswell as I will leave him there for a little while to show him he's trusted. He is a very bright boy and has a mature outlook on alot of things, I can't help but think he's not behaving like a child, the teachers are telling him off/being stern with him and he's doing this back because he see's himself as an equal IYSWIM. I'll wait and see what they say.

any news fluffy? I do hope you get some clarification and manage to get things sorted for DS.

Have you had any news fluffy?

No, no news at all. We are going to see a small private school tomorrow. I'm back at work next week!