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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Has anyone taken their dc out of private school due to financial problems

98 replies

cba · 29/04/2009 19:54

We have three children, year 3, year 1 and nursery due to start reception in September.

We have been having financial problems for a long time now due to dh business. I am also pregnant with number four.

I am just so upset that we struggle each month with the fees, more often than not we are late with them. It is really getting me down.

dh says things will pick up, but I am getting really depressed about it. My dc love their school but I am sick of the constant worry of are we going to have enough money to pay.

The state school for which they are eligible if they have space is round the corner from their current school. I feel that this is cruel as we would have to pass the current school each day and possibly see the kids there as well.

What would you do? Have you been in this situation? Will it really effect my kids badly?

Please even if you havent got anything constructive to say just to talk would be nice as I havent got anyone to talk to in rl.

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hatwoman · 29/04/2009 20:00

no experience but kids are very adaptable. I read somewhere that a really important thing as that you give off vibes about a change being positive - ie that you have confidence in it yourself - and that as parents you are united and show that you're sure it's the right thing. it's quite possibly better than the stress and worry every time the fees are due.

marialuisa · 29/04/2009 20:09

I have a friend who was in this situation. She now has her DD in the "village school" where the private is and her DS in a school in the next village along. 6 months on she feels it's the best decision they made, even though her DS is on the waiting list for a place at the "outstanding" primary is sister atends. Her DD is a very good friend of my DD and being in a bigger class has really done her good, she's also made great leaps academically.

Why wouldn't you want your kids to see their friends? Our girls still keep in touch and I know my friend's DD keeps in touch with some of her other old classmates.

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 20:19

It is not that i wouldnt want them to see their friends. I just feel as though dh and I are really letting the kids down.

When private school was first mentioned as I was against for this reason, it was dh who was all for it and assured that everything would be fine.

Do I be honest with the kids and say we cannot afford it, I am just so depressed about it.

OP posts:

brimfull · 29/04/2009 20:27

Yes ,you tell them you cannot afford it.
You move them to state school,they will be fine.They are so young they won't remember in a few yrs.
Why go through the constant worry if you don't need to.?

marialuisa · 29/04/2009 20:27

I think they're probably too young to understand that. My friend just told hers that they thought the new schools would be better for them. I really don't think private primary is worth the kind of stress you're going through.

brimfull · 29/04/2009 20:28

Why would you be letting them down sending them to state school?
Tell them it's a better school for them.

compo · 29/04/2009 20:28

I think now is the perfect time to move them
they haev plenty of time to settle into a new primary school and make plenty of friends before secondary school time comes around

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 20:32

ggirl, I dont think we would be letting them down by sending them to a state school at all, I went to a state school and did really well and the school in question was dire.

I feel as though I should have stuck to my guns more and been more realistic I feel as though I have let them down, probably just being very emotional as I am pregnant.

OP posts:

brimfull · 29/04/2009 20:33

They will be fine-at such a young age they make friends so quickly.
Everyone fights to play with the new kid.
Take the pressure off yourselves.

hedgiemum · 29/04/2009 20:37

If realistically you can't afford to keep them there mid-long term, it would be probably worth moving them sooner rather than later. Private for senior is seen as much more important by many, so you could start a little savings fund, putting by what you can into that ready for senior, increasing the likelihood of that being a sustainable plan for all 4 DC.

Another thing to consider is just moving the yr 1 and nursery child, as your y3 will soon be y4, and those final 3 years can be quite key to getting into the private senior school of your choice (if thats your plan). Doing state infants and then private 7+ or 9+ is what a lot of school are expecting parents to choose with the downturn in the economy. I've got quite a few friends who use a combination of state and private.

We have 3 DC in prep schools, but we feel that this is a real luxury - there is a much greater difference between the state seniors and private seniors in this area than there is between the state primaries and private primaries, iyswim?

hedgiemum · 29/04/2009 20:38

Forgot to say - have you asked the school if any help they can give you (ie reduced fees)? Its long shot, but worth asking them.

happywomble · 29/04/2009 20:41

I think the cost of private education for four children would be enormous. If it is hard to pay the fees now it will only get worse as the fees go up as the children go up the school and the fourth child starts education in a few years.

What is the state school like. If it has a good reputation your children would probably adapt quickly to their new school. They would still be able to keep up with their old friends too. You and your DH would feel more relaxed without the worry of the fees and your happiness would rub off on the children.

At primary level there are lots of nice things about private schools - grounds, facilities, small classes, sport and music opportunities etc but none of these are the be all and end all. If you are not paying the fees you will have more money for your children to do clubs/activities outside school. At primary age it is easier to support the children at home by helping them with reading etc.

You mustn't feel you are letting your kids down. You are giving them a good example that it is important to live within ones means. If you do move the DCs as long as you present everything in a positive way they will probably quickly adapt.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/04/2009 20:44

Hi cba.
My son has just been moved from a private school to the local state primary, he's in year 5. He's happier now as the lessons are more fun. There's no difference between them apart from the class sizes, they both have more or less the same clubs. It was a number of things that encouraged the move, not just financial. It has freed some money so we can now go on holiday/join a gym etc, he didn't have any friends outside his old school as all the children lived too far away, now his friends are all local. It's closer, down the road rather then a 3 hour bus journey for me. He's settled in really well. I did feel that I was letting him down but I know he'll get on well anywhere and we can now use the holidays to enrich his life in another way. Instead of reading about India I can take him to see it. You'll end up resenting the fees if you carry on. I used to spend each month planning how to pay this and that, I don't get paid on the same day each month so it was hard when I was spending so much on school fees and transport to school. I don't regret it and ds is happy. There's less pressure and more fun. Ds was really good about it, he's said he's happier now though.

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 20:47

The two closest primary schools to us have outstanding ofsted reports. How could I be so stupid to not use these schools then coach them for secondary.

I have already decided that number will go to state school until at least one of the others have finished, if we can afford to keep them at private.

We couldnt really send year3 boy private and year 1 one boy to state, ds2 would really feel this. dd is already talking of going to the big school.

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Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 20:49

Thanks fluffy that is really nice to hear. The hard thing for us is that the state school is lierally two minutes from their current private school and we would have to pass it each day.

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/04/2009 20:52

Oh, that would be tough.
Could you not have a chat about sibling discounts? Don't discount the state schools, seriously, there's very little between the private school I've moved ds from and the state school he's at now. It's really not worth the 7.5K a year I was paying.

Could you relocate? Some schools are cheaper then others.

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 21:01

I am seriously considering a move about an hour away to a town dh has always wanted to live in. Ideally I might get into one of the feeder schools for the non selective grammar.

Again, I couldnt really move before september as baby is due at the end of september, how could i cope, new town, new school, new baby and no mum to help dh when I was in hospital.

Life sucks sometimes.

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FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/04/2009 21:09

It does suck sometimes but it always gets better!

The schools are easy, you drop them off and pick them up on time, make sure they do homework are fed and are clean. Job done. I bet there's some Mumsnetters there aswell. Useful lot!

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 21:10

thanks fluffy. you have a brough a small smile to my face. I do have one good friend in the town that dh has always wanted to live in.

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/04/2009 21:13

There you go, see, it's not as scary as we think it is sometimes. You're never alone, even when you think you are, there's always someone there.

One good friend will introduce you to more. Before you know it people will be battering your door down. Go for coffee, she'll show you around so it's not so much of an alien place.

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 21:15

oh but the thought of an impending baby and my mum not around to help that is scary.

I am being a wimp arent I? Got to think for the good of the family long term.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 29/04/2009 21:15

I would just move them the stress is not worth it, think of things you could do as a family with the extra money.

You could perhaps have a day nanny or au pair or some sort of other help to help you move house or lighten the load in what you are saving with fees.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/04/2009 21:17

Can your mum come and stay at the new place with you after the baby's born to help you out? It is managable to havour mum. It is possible to have a baby without your mum helping, I did.

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 21:18

Am i going too far, hormones, in thinking of moving schools, to a new area and a new baby all in a very short space of time?

OP posts:

Original poster

cba · 29/04/2009 21:20

i know fluffy you are right. Just with it being number four it would be helpful to have some help. When dd, number three, was born dh went away to work the day after I came out of hospital for three weeks and i coped.

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