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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Has anyone taken their dc out of private school due to financial problems

98 replies

cba · 29/04/2009 19:54

We have three children, year 3, year 1 and nursery due to start reception in September.

We have been having financial problems for a long time now due to dh business. I am also pregnant with number four.

I am just so upset that we struggle each month with the fees, more often than not we are late with them. It is really getting me down.

dh says things will pick up, but I am getting really depressed about it. My dc love their school but I am sick of the constant worry of are we going to have enough money to pay.

The state school for which they are eligible if they have space is round the corner from their current school. I feel that this is cruel as we would have to pass the current school each day and possibly see the kids there as well.

What would you do? Have you been in this situation? Will it really effect my kids badly?

Please even if you havent got anything constructive to say just to talk would be nice as I havent got anyone to talk to in rl.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

paisleyleaf · 29/05/2009 12:51

Wow! You certainly do get allsorts of differing advice and ideas on MN from a wide variety of people.

janinlondon · 29/05/2009 13:03

I'm sorry but I am just stunned. Regardless of any private/state debate, someone is suggesting terminating a pregnancy is a viable alternative to having to place children in a state school. I'd have thought there would be hundreds of replies on this one!

Cammelia · 29/05/2009 13:05

Just when you thought that everything that could be said, had been said on the private/state debate

KathyBrown · 29/05/2009 13:10

In her shoes that is what i would do, it's not fair on the other children, full stop.

trickerg · 29/05/2009 13:13

A financial problem is one of the worst problems to live with because you can't usually think of a way out of it.

However, your situation does allow you a way out (even if difficult and embarrassing decisions have to be made) and it would just be a case of biting the bullet! Why don't you go and look around the state school, and see what you think?

I can imagine there would be a sense of failure on your part - are you worried about what the parents at the private school will think? Will this be a problem? Do you see them socially?

I don't think children's minds work the same way as ours, so I wouldn't worry too much about them! They just see school as school.

bamboostalks · 29/05/2009 13:18

I thought that I couldn't read any more rubbish on private v state threads. That takes the biscuit though, abort rather mix with state school pupils.

KathyBrown · 29/05/2009 14:09

It's nothing to do really with the state education and more to do with making a commitment to your child. She committed to a private education it's not fair to pull the rug out from under the year 3 child especially.
I've read somebody else considering stopping their child's swimming lessons because they took up too much time if they had a 4th and I'd consider that equally as questionable.
The fact is we all only have a certain amount of resources, time and money.

trickerg · 29/05/2009 14:23

Year 3 chilren are only 8 !!
Hopefully by the age they won't understand fully that they part of the elite and better than everyone else. What exactly do you think they'll miss out on kathybrown???

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 14:38

OMG! I can't believe someone on here would suggest terminate a life for financial reasons then help the OP with some pratical advice. You should be ashamed of this!!

Don't listen cba. This obviously isn't any one else's opinion here. I hope it's all working out for you.

KathyBrown · 29/05/2009 15:08

People abort for financial reasons more than any other i would imagine from the teenager to the housewife.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 15:09

It's not the best advice to give to someone you don't know is it!

KathyBrown · 29/05/2009 15:11

If I was her I'd have got rid, she can't afford it without affecting the other child she already has, just because I come out and say what others won't doesn't make me wrong.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 15:17

People have more children for all sorts of reasons though, it's wrong to assume that it's an unwanted child. From what I gather, the OP is having financial problems now so another baby really won't make much of a difference in the short term. There's 5 years (ish) of no school fees for this little one so I fail to see how a termination is going to help her in the short term. She already has children in the private sector and another is due to start school in September. This is a short term problem that needs looking at now if you see what I mean. Advising someone who is already in a vulnerable position, as the OP is, is very wrong. Please look back and read all the posts.

cory · 29/05/2009 15:18

You mean you would abort rather than stop a child's swimming lessons? Fascinating.
And I hesitated to open this thread because I thought it would be boring.

of course having a fourth child is going to impact on people's lives

have you ever heard of a new baby not impacting on the siblings' lives?

or of the arrival of a new baby not having a financial impact

surely people have more children because they think the benefits of one more sibling is going be greater than the drawbacks?

personally I know which I'd rather have had: my brothers (who will still be there for me long after my parents are gone) or swimming lessons

you do not have the responsibility to keep your children's lives exactly the same, with no changes or upheavals

most people's lives are not like that: circumstances fail, this does not mean you are failed by your parents

cory · 29/05/2009 15:19

correction: circumstances change

KathyBrown · 29/05/2009 15:33

The swimming lessons lady was considering a 4th she wasn't pregnant.
For all we know the OP is 38 weeks gone and therefore stuck.
If she's 6 weeks pregnant and it was an accident then maybe I just said what she's been thinking all along and is trying to convince herself that the older kids won't mind moving school, I suspect they will that's all I am saying.
Less of Mummies time, less money for everything a new baby and a new (lesser school) sounds like a fun year ahead doesn't it ?

mrz · 29/05/2009 15:37

Sounds like a wonderful year all the love and joy a new baby brings

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 15:38

"Stuck", You're not from the 'every child's a blessing' club are you KB!

Not every state school is a "lesser school" either. I moved my child to a state school from a private and I can honestly say there's very little difference between then two (apart from the class sizes and the 10K a year I'm saving). I wish I had done it before. There are some very good state schools out there.

trickerg · 29/05/2009 15:39

why should a state school be 'lesser'?

cory · 29/05/2009 16:19

sounds like maybe 70 years of fun ahead, to be got from their new sibling

a new baby always means less of Mummy's time and less money ime

is this to say that only one child families are acceptable?

surely eventually they will get more of their new sibling's time to make up for less of Mummy's

yours sounds a very shortsighted perspective

not to mention that many women end up with depression after a termination- now that really would mean less of Mummy's time

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 16:22

More children mean more time for mum as they will occupy/play with each other rather then ask poor mum to play/want to talk all the time. Ds is an only child. He's under my feet alot! If he had siblings then this would be less as they would play with each other.

Hoxmama · 29/05/2009 16:41

Trip Trap Trip Trap KathyB

cory · 29/05/2009 16:47

but that species tends to have very large families, Hoxmama

mrsjammi · 29/05/2009 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ouchitreallyhurts · 29/05/2009 16:58

they probably eat them too when they become too much of a burdon...

kathyb your comments may be describing how you think but as a mum of four myself, I can't imagine ever seeing things that way!

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