Has anyone taken their dc out of private school due to financial problems

[cba]

We have three children, year 3, year 1 and nursery due to start reception in September.

We have been having financial problems for a long time now due to dh business. I am also pregnant with number four.

I am just so upset that we struggle each month with the fees, more often than not we are late with them. It is really getting me down.

dh says things will pick up, but I am getting really depressed about it. My dc love their school but I am sick of the constant worry of are we going to have enough money to pay.

The state school for which they are eligible if they have space is round the corner from their current school. I feel that this is cruel as we would have to pass the current school each day and possibly see the kids there as well.

What would you do? Have you been in this situation? Will it really effect my kids badly?

Please even if you havent got anything constructive to say just to talk would be nice as I havent got anyone to talk to in rl.

No, just be practical. You'll have to give a terms notice anyway so chat to the school about a discount first. Sit down with a calculator, see what's coming in and what's going out and see what's left. If you find yourself at the stage when you are resenting paying the money out then it's hitting you hard so only you can tell if it's worth it. There are other options out there, you are not stuck. Have you spoken to dh? What does he think?

dh, said it is a short term problem. But, to me this short term problem has been on going for a year now.

dh gets very defensive and says he has never let us down and will always provide for the kids to go to the current school.

But, I am not sure I want to live my life even for the short term constantly worrying, not being able to afford other things.

Am a bit curious to know how a grammar can be 'non-selective'.

Ds's school do good sibling discounts for children in school (attached nursery doesn't count). Most private schools are keen to keep numbers on the roll so I would certainly be asking for a discount on three lots of school fees.

MollieO, I am not sure either. I do know that one of the criteria is that children have to be in state controlled feeder primary. Have called my friend to find out more. I am also going to phone the lea tomorrow.

I have always fancied this school so even if we could manage for a year then move, could also be an option.

Our school dosent do sibling discount I have already asked. One mum has five kids at our school and she dosent get any discount.

I see, he's viewing it as not being able to provide for his children. You do need to sit down and discuss things with him. Children are very resiliant, you have the option of moving them back into the private sector if things improve. It's probable that the economy is not going to recover any time soon so everything's a gamble at the moment. I opted for the easy life, which is why I no longer spend 3 hours a day travelling to and from school, I'm saving £2.7k a term which is nice, ds is no worse off apart from the larger classes. It is a really difficult decision though, no one wants to rock the boat but sometimes you have to take a plunge. Do what's right for you and your family though. Chat to the school and see if they can help you out before you do anything though.

Perhaps think of all the things you could provide for them if they were at state school. How they would benefit from holidays abroad, extra curricular classes if they wanted and less stressed parents! Remind him in a short space of times that the fees will be double because you will have 4 dc there!

Other than that tell him you're not happy with the school and you think they would get on better at the state one because there are more pupils for them to be friends with etc.

cba - have you actually checked that the state has spaces in the appropriate years for your dc?
We are in the process of removing ours from private sector but the state school we would like them to go to and is our local one, still only has space for one of them.

When we finally accepted the fact that we were no longer going to be able to fund their schooling, we went to see the Head and Bursar of their current school. They were extremely understanding and have been very flexible - although they know that at the end of the academic year our dc will leave, they waived some of the fees for both last AND this term. I think the fact that we were open and honest and that we didn't leave it to the last minute has been appreciated by them as it allows them to manage the process of getting new pupils in.

Both my dc know they are leaving and they know why. We told them in January, but promised them that they could finish the year with their friends and my inlaws are helping out with funding this terms fees. I think the best thing you can do is try and manage the process early on.

It is an awful thing to have to go through, but I can't tell you the weight that it has lifted off our shoulders...even though we haven't got every secured in terms of new places yet

oh creditcrunched, i am so glad the school have been helpful. I am sure we are not the only ones going through this.

I am going to see how the next few months go, but, I am not going to make myself ill over it either.

Everybody has been so helpful

creditcrunched, what years are your dc in?

Fluffy, that's nice to hear yr DS is enjoying his new school. I know a classmate of his and he spoke highly of him

Sorry OP no experience, but if I were you I would move the DC. It's hard for me to judge tho.

Children adapt really easily tho - DD's new best pal moved schools (one state to another tho) at end of yr 2 and seems to be doing fine.

Hi cba - just a thought about moving. If you move with a new baby it will be much easier for you to make friends as you can join all the baby activities (NCT Coffees, mother and baby singing/massage etc). So actually for you it could be a good time. Also it might help dh "save face" if he can tell himself that now you have moved the state options are so good that he doesn't need to bother about indies rather than feeling pushed into a decision for financial reasons. Good luck with everything. It sounds like you a v caring and supportive mother and in the long run that is the most important thing.

My advice would be to move schools - and i say this as someone whose DCs love their indie school.
But there is nothing worse than anxiety about money or health.
If it really is just a blip then by all means struggle on for a bit, but the recession is not going to be over miraculously by xmas and a lot of self employed folk are going to have to dig in. Do you really need the extra hassle of school fees?

I am sorry that you are struggling. You really do need to get on the phone to your favoured state schools to see if they have places for your children. Do not panic too much if the school can accomodate only one of your children, the others will be bumped up the waiting list with sibling priority.

It is good that you attended a state school yourself, you are going to be more open minded than a parent who has never set foot in a state school.

I think that it will be fine. If you were having to take them out and send them to appalling schools I could understand your reluctance. I can see why you would worry but I really wouldn't if I were you.

A less-stressed mother is a huge advantage. And beleive me I know how horrible it is to be under financial strain. It affects your entire life.

In terms of them seeing their old school en route each day, this isn't necessarily a problem. I had 2 dc at the same school and have just moved the younger one to a smaller school nearby. The younger one still has to visit his old school at the start and end of each school day in order to pick up and drop off ds1. Ds2 is in Year 1 and he was upset on his brother's first day back, but a week or two on and he's fine. He can only remember the names of about half his old class!

Sorry cba.

Thanks clary. I'm happy apart from the nits he's been coming home with. I've had a nit free 4 years so it's coming back to make up for it.

It will all work out cba, no matter what you decide. It's just difficult making the jump but once it's done then you can re-assess things at a better time. Whether you move them or not, they will adjust, there's no point in making life difficult for yourself though. It has to benefit all the family, not just some or you will begin to resent it.

moving and new baby together would be stressful, but it's been done! My dp and I were talking about the private school thing the other day - he was moved from a private prep to the local school and he was a lot happier for it, and he was saying how lucky it was that family circs at the time dictated that it had to happen. You know your own dc, obviously, but clearly it can work out well. Do ask the school about it too - some are in rather dire straits themselves these days, and might rather you paid 75% fees, or postponed payment or something than moved them out altogether. Definitely better to be up front at the start than seem feckless - you won't get much sympathy then.

sorry to hear your so stressed, it sounds to me your rather worried about the shame of having to drop out of private school and opt for state school.

I think thats really unfortunate, if this is the attitude you may end up passing onto your children looking down on chldren whos parents cant afford private school.

I would probabaly look into private school for secondary education for my DC If we were in the right position financially. But it did not even cross my mind for primary when the state school 5mins away is a perfectly good school.

I think its worrying to think that your DC may be affected by their friends seeing them going to 'the state school'

In my opinion DC that age should not even be concerened with such matters.

My sisters children had the opposite, they were moved from a fantastic primary school where they were very happy to a private prep school. Frankly i can only see negative results.

They have gone from being the most wonderful children to children that are children no longer
Their attitudes stink and they look down on every person who are not as financially privileged as they are.

So again im not even sure if we will look into private schools. Although Academic ability is important I also want my child to think of oneself as an equal, mix with other cultures and except that every one is born into different circumstances that does not give one the right to feel better than others

Im sure you will make the right decision as a mother we all are striving to make the very best dicisions for our little ones. Good luck.

I have known quite a few parents who have moved their DC from private schools to our village school.They mostly wonder what they wee paying for before.

I have looked around a private school this week and I can safely say I know what they are paying for, the children are at least 2 years a head of my state educated children.
I do know somebody who took their child out of private school due to financial reasons and personally I would consider is it too late to get rid of number 4 if it's going to be to the determent of the three you already have.

I'm sorry? Are you saying what I THINK you're saying????

Am I the only one outraged by this last post? Or have I completely misunderstood? Is KB suggesting a termination here? I am a bit shocked that no one else seems concerned....

It does look that way Janinlondon and also what's the benefit of a child 2 years ahead of the rest of the UK?! its nice that there is enough support for children to learn well but they ARE children after all - homework at age perhaps 3?!

The existing children had no say in whether they were sent to private or state school, having made that decision the OP has a greater responsibility to the children she already has, if you can't afford the (unplanned by the sounds of it 4th child) without major disruption to the lives of the children you already have then there's some serious thinking to be done.
A new baby and a new school in the same year will have a massive effect on the children and to pretend otherwise is just naive.
It may be that the private school they are currently at is rubbish (in which case why are they still there anyway) and the state school maybe fantastic, however it will still be an avoidable change in their lives to co inside with another mouth to feed and attention to be taken away from them.
I know what I would do.