DS2 made to fish bottle out of school toilet as punishment

[citylover]

DS2 is in year 2 and he and a friend put a plastic bottle down the toilet, think his friend then went to the toilet, other kids told on them and they were rightly called to account.

As punishment they were made to fish said bottle out of loo (with latex gloves on).

I am really uncomfortable with this type of punishment and have made my concerns known.

In addition my DS has quite serious anxiety issues around using school toilets which I have been trying to overcome over the past few months. The school are aware of these.

My family, and a childless friend think this punishment is fine ("well he won't do it again will he") which made me think perhaps IABU.

However my gut feeling is it isn't the right way of handling it and crosses a line.

He is generally a well behaved child at school - his teacher confirmed this the other night.

[moopymoo]

And Im not sure how disagreeing with this is equated to being liberal citylover - imo its the very opposite to expect someone else to clean up after you! And I would call myself pretty liberal and nonconformist. A bit dangerous to encourage children to think that cleaning up something that grosses them out is someone elses responsibility. Or maybe I am reading too much into this..it has been known

[lulumama]

what do you think should have happened, and who should have taken the bottle out of the loo?

and have you questioned your DS as to why he threw it in there?

[Boco]

God no, it's nothing like your other examples - washing mouth out with soap and water is abusive - if that happened in school it would be a huge issue. I don't force my children to eat leftovers either. However, if they do something on purpose - they can take responsibility for that - it's really important that they do actually.

[ChipButty]

I can't believe what I have read! Of course he should fish the bottle out if he put it down there! Unbelievable!

[savoycabbage]

I would never ever force my children to eat food or wash their mouths out with soap! That is ridiculous. But I do make them put all of the LEGO back in the box and hang their coats up and put their shoes away in the cupboard and putt heir dirty clothes in the basket. Even the one year old.

[nkf]

It's not in the least like the soap and water punishment or being forced to eat leftovers. He got a kick out of making a mess and he was told to clear it up. And he was given the tools to do it.

[onebatmother]

why are you all so angry, though? Children do things all the time that don't show proper respect for others, and we talk to them about that, and teach them that way.

I think it's a 'you've spat in your food, now I'm going to make you eat it so you;ll never do it again' kind of thing. Don't like it at all.

[harpsichordcarrier]

no I have to agree with the majority here - I don't think it is a punishment at all. if my dd1 (5) did the same I would make her fish it out.
like others, I am interested to know who you think should have fished it out apart from the people who put it there?
7 is perfectly old enough to deal with the consequences of one's actions tbh.
YABU

[MsDemeanor]

I'm not at all angry. And it's nothing your wildly extreme examples. It's much more like making your seven year old pick up the dirty socks he left on the bathroom floor and put them in the washing basket. ie sorting his own mess.

[harpsichordcarrier]

no, it isn't the least comparable to washing a mouth out with soap and water.
one is a punishment, the other is taking responsibility.
if you allow a seven year old to make a mess and then say it is unreasonable to ask him to clear it up, then I think that is a lousy lesson in taking responsibility for one's actions.
who should have cleared it up?

[onebatmother]

If my child did that I would fish it out for him. If I was looking after a child in my house who did that I would fish it out for him. So I guess I would expect the teacher to fish it out for him.

Do they make the children clean up their own sick if they've deliberately eaten too many sweets at the Crhistmas party?

[nkf]

I'm not in the least angry. I'm just killing time giving my opinion on a thread.

[Slouchy]

The issue here is that someone would have had to don the gloves and fish the bottle.
Noone would have wanted to.

Therefore, the two people who were responsible are the logical people to sort it out, as long as they are physically capable of doing it.

End of.

[TheProvincialLady]

So when the cleaner goes in, with gloves on, to fish out a bottle that a seven year old has put in a toilet and another one has pissed on, that isn't abuse, because s/he is getting paid for it. Whereas your seven year old is being abused for facing the consequences of his own action?

In the nicest possible way, get a grip. You don't even think he is that bothered by it.

[MsDemeanor]

The other day I dropped something in the loo by accident and fished it out myself - without gloves ! I have to say, from direct personal experience, it didn't feel anything like washing out my mouth with soap and water

[Zazette]

Not the same obm - if he spat in his OWN food, the consequence would be that he either had to eat food with his own spit in it (which of course it would have once he'd chewed it anyway...), or go without. You seem not to understand how the 'consequences' argument that most people are using works.

FWIW, my 4 yr old lobbed a loo roll down the toilet the other day and then wee'd on it 'to see what would happen'. Then she thought on a bit, realised it had to be got out, fished it out and put it in the bin, and washed her hands. If she could do all that off her own bat with no obvious sign of trauma, I don't think there's any need for high dramatics about citylovers' son being asked to do the same.

I only discovered all this when I asked why there was a soggy loo roll in the bin btw, she wasn't saintly enough for a spontaneous confession!.

[Twinkie1]

Christ yu are lucky that it was noticed and the school made him fish it out with gloves on - imagine what would have happened if it had stuffed up the whole plumbing system and the school had been flooded with sewage!

I would have made him take it out and then made him write lines or something as a punishment as well.

God I do sound evil but a 7 year old is old enough to understand the consequences.

A while ago a little girl at DDs school chucked DDs bag over the toilet block door for a laugh - he music book and recorder went down the loo - the little girl had to fish it out with gloves on and then the parents were informed - she wrote a sorry note to DD and had to do jobs at home to earn the money to replace the recorder and the book, she won't do something silly like that again and her parents IMO acted appropriately making her realise that she is responsible for her actions. She was also 7.

[onebatmother]

Lots of you do sound quite angry and indeed rather aggressive, actually.

[MsDemeanor]

My 'fishing something out of the loo' ordeal lasted, ooh, about three seconds. It was hell. I am traumatised.

[MsDemeanor]

I think you are projecting your own feelings to be honest OBM.

[MsDemeanor]

I mean, all these highly aggressive scenarios you keep dreaming up, washing mouths out with soap and water, spitting in food etc! Nobody else is thinking like that at all.

[VanillaPumpkin]

Only read OP but I think it is a very appropriate 'consequence'. YABU. Sorry.
He had gloves after all. Who would you expect to do it?

[TheProvincialLady]

Onebat I think people are reacting to the fact that the OP sounds a but daft for complaining about her son being made to do something that almost everyone thinks was a perfectly reasonable consequence of his actions. I don't think it comes across as aggressive, just exasperated.