DS2 made to fish bottle out of school toilet as punishment

[citylover]

DS2 is in year 2 and he and a friend put a plastic bottle down the toilet, think his friend then went to the toilet, other kids told on them and they were rightly called to account.

As punishment they were made to fish said bottle out of loo (with latex gloves on).

I am really uncomfortable with this type of punishment and have made my concerns known.

In addition my DS has quite serious anxiety issues around using school toilets which I have been trying to overcome over the past few months. The school are aware of these.

My family, and a childless friend think this punishment is fine ("well he won't do it again will he") which made me think perhaps IABU.

However my gut feeling is it isn't the right way of handling it and crosses a line.

He is generally a well behaved child at school - his teacher confirmed this the other night.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

No, agree that such an instance will not necessarily lead to thuggery later in life. But, in some cases it could be the thin end of the wedge.

I wouldnt expect teachers to be able to discern which children were more likely to turn to thugs than others. I would expect them to treat each situation on its own merits, and without prejudice.

Therefore, if such an incident occurred, they'd deal with it at face value, and not judge a child's previous behaviour, or prospective behaviour in order to determine how best to deal with it.

[ReallyTired]

All children do daft things. Making mistakes and less than sensible decisions is part of growning up. It does not mean the OP's son is a thug.

Children arem't born lazy or spoilt. Its their enviromnent that makes them into what they are.

I think its sad if children see the caretaker or the cleaners as beneath them. Why should support staff be treated so badly.

I am in favour of children doing a bit of the school cleaning. The children assist the caretaker at the school I work at. Its a lesson called lifeskills and they are taught basic skills like how to manage money, mop a floor, recycling rubbish, use a washing machine, put together flat pack furniture, decorating and a million other things. I think its a petty that mainstream children aren't taught life skills.

[theyoungvisiter]

Policywonk, maybe I am reading this thread differently to you but I don't think that has been the intention of most of the posters (to critise CL's parenting I mean).

All they've come on to do is defend the school - not criticise Citylover's DS. And in order to do that, they needed to explain why they thought the school's stance was a reasonable one, and why the punishment was effective and thoughtful.

I think the school's punishment was reasonable - but I would never suggest that if citylover had dealt with the situation differently in her own home that would result in a monster child. I'm sure there are plenty of other ways of dealing with the situation. But just because there are other possible solutions, doesn't mean the school was wrong, which is what Citylover originally suggested.

[ihatebikerides]

I don't think any of this means that the OP's son will turn out to be a thug. But I agree that there is an attitude prevalent in some these days, usually prefaced by "I know he's no angel, but...." that punishments are for other people's children.

[citylover]

Can't resist coming back not least because I am off sick this week and not allowed to talk to anyone because I have got laryngitis.

The overshooting the toilet thing was DS1 and I said to the head (who had assumed it was deliberate until he knew otherwise that he could have made him clear it up).

DS2 does still have the 'poo problem' as he calls it btw. It started when he got out of sync with his movements and then got very anxious about the fact he might need to poo at school but wouldn't want to.

To me cleaning up wee and putting hand down toilet are two different things. Perhaps being married to my OCD exH for many years some of his neuroses rubbed off on me it's quite possible.

The school is great on the whole but I have found, along with some other parents that they do sometimes make small issues really big. But that't the subject of another thread.

[policywonk]

YV - sorry, you're right that most of the posters have been quite reasonable. I got riled at the small number who weren't!