How would you handle repeated hitting by a new girl at primary school?

[GalileoFigaro]

I wasnt sure whether to put this in the Bullying section or Primary Education. (Admins, feel free to change where this thread ends up)

There's a new girl who has started at my daughter's school and for her age should be in my daughter's class, but she was put in the class below as she can't read or write her name apparently.

This child has had difficulties settling in and has hit, kicked and punched several children in the space of 2 weeks! Last week she slapped my daughter 3 times, hit at least 3 other girls and gave her classmate a black eye.
The following day she approached by daughter at the school gates, gave her a hug and said she wanted.to be friends. My daughter accepted the apology and invited her to play as it turns out the girl lives next to her grandparents.
Fast forward to Wednesday and she pushed my daughter again and yesterday (Friday) she hit our friends' daughter.
It seems that nothing is being done to punish this girl. I've told my daughter that her dad and I fully support her defending herself but we all know that if she were to retaliate SHE would be the one punished.

A lot of parents are upset with how the school is handling it and if this child hits again, then they'll make a formal complaint against the school.

How would you handle this? I'm not having my child hit or pushed again and the achool not doing anything about it.

Email the head with details of all the incidents involving your child (only your child) and request a meeting. It’s a safeguarding issue. You might want to read the bullying policy and safeguarding policy before the meeting. Child on child violence is a safeguarding issue

Talk to your daughter's teacher.
If it isn't enough to stop the girl hitting your child talk to the head.

Why didn't you do it last week?

You don’t know that the school is doing nothing about it, they are not going to inform you what steps they are taking.
If you are unhappy, then make an appointment with the Head to discuss your concerns. But be prepared to be told they cannot discuss the child with you.

When she slapped my daughter 3 times (last week) I wrote to the class teacher that same afternoon. The teacher said that she wasnt there at the time (it was during break) and the child was with the school guidance counsellor who would be informing the teachers as to what had happened and any consequences. I've heard nothing since.

You're probably right in that they can't tell me how it's being handled. It's so frustrating though :(
I'm not the only parent who is concerned. The mother whose child got punched in the eye is furious.

Then you ask the teacher to call you.

Next is asking for a meeting with the head.

You need to be persistent.

I would consider not to send my child in before I had talked to teacher or head and had a plan how my daughter is safe at school.

3 times is a lot.

I understand this is upsetting for all involved, but I wouldn't class it as bullying. Clearly this child struggles to regulate her emotions and appears to be lashing out at everyone, rather than just your daughter. It doesn't seem like she's specifically targeting her?

You don't know the school are doing nothing about it. There will be a lot going on behind the scenes that you won't be aware of. However, definitely keep reporting all incidents so the school have a true picture of everything that is happening.

Do but encourage your child to meet violence with violence. That teaches nothing and is a hypocritical message. Violence is never ok, period. That's the message your child needs to hear.

Instead, you would be completely justified to encourage your daughter to stay away from this child. If other children aren't wanting to play with her, it sends out a clearer message to her that violence won't be tolerated. If she wants people to be her friend, she shouldn't be hurting them.

Hopefully the school will be able to put something in place where this child is either supported on the playground or does something different at playtimes, as she's clearly struggling socially in those unstructured situations.

If she only started recently, it's very early days in terms of the school getting to know her and her individual needs and triggers. Don't write them off straight away as doing nothing. It will be a learning curve for everyone involved in terms of how best to handle this child who clearly has some additional needs.

In the meantime, as I said, encourage your child to stay away from her. She's tried to be nice and show a hand of friendship and has been very forgiving so far but enough is enough. Teaching her to say no is a far better way of teaching her to stand up for herself rather than encouraging her to hit back.

For those saying to contact the teacher again, it's hard because, if I've read it rightly, the child in question isn't in the same class? Given those circumstances, and the serious nature of the incidents, I would bypass the teacher as there's not a lot they personally can do about a child not in their class, other than pass your concerns on. I'd go straight to the headteacher.

Let’s be honest - there is nothing that the school will do. They get “fined” upwards of of £20,000 to remove a child from primary school

and the parents will be along shortly saying she is SEND or some other excuse for her poor behaviour

Yeah, that's right they're not in the same class.
They're together for PE (it's a small village school so 2 classes are put together) and at playtime.
If I hear of the child hitting or threatening to hurt my daughter (she has made a lot of threats in addition to actually being violent) then I'll email the Head teacher just so he's aware of my concerns more than anything else.

I would be writing to the head and asking for detailed plan of what they are doing that will mean going forward your child is not physically attacked at school. They can't tell you how they are handling the attacking child. They can't tell you what support she is having, or what condition or dreadful past she has that make her that way, but they can and should tell you what they are doing that will keep YOUR child safe. The same way as they could and should tell how they are supporting your child's reading difficulties, or her medical condition.

My sister had this, in the end she told him to hit the kid back. They magically stopped hitting my nephew. 🤷

I think advising my daughter to stay away from her is the best option. It's sad because before all this they were together at our local festival. My daughter invited her to meet up to play when she found out the family lived next to my in-laws.
My daughter keeping out of her way is the best way to protect her from any violent outbursts and, as you said, sends the message that if she wants people to be her friend, she shouldn't be hurting them. I'll tell her the importance of not hitting back.

You can ask for a meeting and ask how your daughter will be safeguarded. Keep it about your daughter because they can't tell you anything about the child in question.

Email the headteacher every time there is an incident and yes, tell your daughter to stay away from her in the meantime.

Aparrently the mother was crying outside the school gates saying she didnt know what to do. (I wasn't there, I was late getting back from work, but was told about it. Tiny town, word spreads like wildfire)

Sounds like there are some special needs if she is in the year below her age group. Is she repeating reception? It doesn’t make it any easier for anybody though.

I think maybe she's struggling and taking her frustrations out on the other kids. On the day she slapped my daughter, she was violent towards at least 5 different kids.
She moved to our town from another country where the education system and school year is different. She'd have been the youngest child in my daughter's class whereas she's the oldest in the next class down.

This is light and day from how the school dealt with a similar issue with a kid in DD's class.

I emailed the school outlining what had happened - I wanted this in writing, so i could be very clear what I had said to them. Said I appreciated that some kids have send or behavioural issues, but it shouldn't be to the detriment of other kids' mental health, safety or wellbeing. I didn't name the child, but they clearly seemed to know who it was.

I later learned that they were hitting, punching, pinching and stamping on other kIds, and one or two parents had contacted the school about it.

Within 15 minutes (it was her PPA time) I had a response from their excellent claas teacher reiterating how seriously they take these things and outline a plan. At pick up, the deputy head then came and had a chat, and both the class teacher and deputy head had had a very reassuring chat with DD, which made her feel a lot better.

The kid is still in her class, but we haven't had any incidents since. I feel said for her, as she clearly has issues, and maybe my email helped provide some evidence towards helping them help her.

We have also been working on keeping away from her, telling the nearest adult, and that saying no and walking away is OK. It also helps that there are a few lovely, more confident kids on her table this year who are reinforcing this naturally.

What age?

7

@GalileoFigaro The school has a duty to keep all dc safe. That includes your dc. Therefore they do owe parents an explanation as to how they intend to do this. They cannot hide away from this duty.

They won’t tell you precise details but they could say they have playground supervision and close monitoring to try and prevent a repeat. They won’t go into Sen details of the child.

You absolutely can complain. As can everyone else. Complaints are best done by individuals vis the school complaints policy. This should be on their web site. You need to speak to a teacher first and then the head. If you are not satisfied, use the complaints procedure and all the other parents should do exactly the same. Complaints, if not resolved, are heard by a panel of governors.

In my honest opinion, hitting in primary school is too young to be a safeguarding case. You can read the safeguarding policy but it’s not really about behaviour like this. The behaviour and discipline policy is what you must read and the sanctions policy. The school must be adhering to its policies and it’s certainly a matter for complaint if they are not.

I do hope this situation improves. However dd is probably sen and could dd be looked after or vulnerable ? This makes it difficult for the school? Has she supervision from a TA? This will indicate the school has taken action. Lastly, your dd needs to stay away. It’s unpleasant but she had friends and doesn’t need this child.

Update. After my friends' daughter's was hit by this girl on Friday, they took their concerns to the Headteacher and a meeting was held yesterday (Monday)
Everyone is in agreement that the priority in our children's safety in school.

The girl has been separated from her peers and the PE teacher is being extra vigilant (with 2 classes being merged together for PE, more conflicts could happen like going for the same ball etc)
The girl has promised not to hit or lash out anymore. Whether she upholds that promise remains to be seen really.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. As I said, our friends took it further after their daughter was hit and that led to the meeting being held and measures being put into place.

If the child is 7 and not writing her name yet. She must be quite behind and frustrated. Even in a year below her age group most will be writing their name beginning to write a sentence and beginning to read. She must be frustrated but it doesn’t make it easier for the other children.

@purser25 Almost certainly has learning difficulties and probably should not be in a mainstream school. However that doesn’t help other dc.

I hope things are resolved or getting better at least.

I had an experience when my daughter was in nursery and that was a private nursery charging a huge amount everyday. They had a girl who is SEN and she bites whenever she feels like it. My daughter was bitten a few times at the beginning I was okay as kids bite but then it went on to very bad bite and once she even bit my daughter back! The nursery kept making light of it and saying they were playing and etc. and the biting girl also thinks my daughter is her friend… anyway, I complained a few times to the nursery manager but after the bitting getting worse (I have to say she bit others more), I told the nursery manager I’m complaining to the head office as it’s not acceptable that my child is being physically harmed despite I understand the attack is not intentional. Anyway, they investigated and although they didn’t get ride of the girl, they put an extra teacher in on the day the girl attended and they put extra vigilance on separating my daughter from that girls. In the meantime, one day I think a child bit her and she was shocked… in the end she bit a lot less or at least my daughter hasn’t had serve biting for the reminder half a year.

I know it’s not the same in the school but I’d go above the head if nothing is being done. Sometimes head’s hands are tied too and it would take parents to complain to local authority or ofsted so the school can get resource etc to deal with it. In the meantime, teach your daughter to ran away or hit back, so at least she can protect herself.