Why are teachers failing the narrative for boys, is boy playing incompatible with school

[Leteer]

Does anyone feel like boy play is deeply unsupported and thoroughly discouraged in school up to the point where boys are questioning if play is actually good / encourages boys to question if their hard wired need for play is a bad thing. Isn't this a downward spiral for boys to not support what nature gave them which could in turn affect academic work.

parents are, on the whole, understanding of accidents and even minor scuffles, but many are litigious and threaten legal action in a heartbeat: was my child in view of an adult when it happened -if not, why was there not adequate supervision? How come such a fall was possible -why no non-slip surfacing in that part of the playground? And on it goes. Every 'expect to hear from our solicitor' takes up a huge amount of resource in terms of evidence gathering and preparation
Wow. I hadn't realised parents were threatening legal action like that. How often does it happen?
I agree we start formal education too young.

Feminization, that is what this is. There was a Thread about it last week.
Make the boys and men softer and quieter. make them more risk averse.
No Chase games or Bulldog, No motorbikes when they are older.
No risk no exploration. Consensus and a lack of progress.

In my school days the same kids - both girls and boys - were pushed, hit, hurt, had their belongings destroyed and so on. The same kids were responsible for the abuse and tbh they had a party of their school years.
It was everyday life and the teachers ignored it.

I appreciate that schools today set boundries on behavior.

Yes we definitely wouldn't tell our parents what we got up to at school (or at home). If you were punished for something like fighting at school you really hoped your parents wouldn't find out. Some children got belted at home if they were in trouble at school. One boy I knew got the cane at school (back in those good old days) and then got a thrashing at home by his dad. None of this my little Johnny couldn't have done anything bad or it wasn't him it was the other boy.

How do you address the gap without grouping kids into can play and can't play?

Seems like (yet again) schools are being judged by poor parenting and not what the school is actually doing.

My children's school is excellent, they're out 3 times a day minimum and have OPAL. Not all schools are as you describe.

Not sure about the term ‘boy play’, but my son loves digging, playing with sticks, finding stones etc. All now banned and I’m not sure why, despite asking. It’s as if creative outdoor play is something the school can’t cope with, despite having the space and resources available.
It manifests in other ways too, through choice of sports, unequal sanctions, choice of treats at the end of term, all of which have been geared to girls over the years.
At my son’s school, I see it as a diversity problem - the entire staff is made up of white, middle aged, middle class women with a similar mindset. Fortunately he leaves in a few months.

It's cultural. Some families in the UK tolerate a boy's physicality, fighting, shouting - encourage it even in a way they wouldn't in a girl. Allow even quite young boys (primary age) to roam the streets at night but would never allow the girls.Tend to throw boys out if they annoy parents so boys get fewer opportunities to listen to adult conversation.

'Family, Stability, Class, Aspiration are the drivers of educational success.' It's cultural. (Lord Sewell).

Linked to class- only 30% of boys on free school meals attained the required levels at GCSE.

Linked to family stability and aspiration. Other than football few opportunities for boys, Closure of Youth Clubs, Reduction of opening hours of Libraries eg. Boys were less willing to do homework, spent less time on it than girls (+ absentee fathers/lack of male role models?) Very,very few fathers attended Parent Evenings at the Inner City Secondary School I worked at.

Linked to ethnicity.In London 92.2% of Chinese achieved the required level at GCSE 80.4 % of Indian. Average 71.2% overall in London.

So it's not inate in boys that they just have to run, climb, fight etc rather than sit and study eg. but some cultures encourage/allow it more than others.

What do you believe are the wrong things?

How do you know if the parent overreacted, or if this is the latest of a series of incidences where Albert is trying to learn to get what he wants through force and hasn’t learned that this isn’t socially acceptable or kind? I’ve never actually witnessed a parent tell off their kid for snatching or being rough. Generally, they minimise and excuse it with a too-soft rapprochement and the kid learns they can get their way. This spills into the classroom as hasn’t been taught and gives the reception teacher a hellish year. The gentler children who either had more empathy to begin with or were properly socialised often suffer with lower self esteem as they’re up against it with too many kids not willing to wait their turn and just snatching and being low level aggressive.

I am increasingly thinking that some so called ‘gentle’ parents actually quite enjoy having a more aggressive / alpha kid because they know that theirs won’t be the one being shoved around later on. But they hide this view behind ‘gentle parenting’ as a way to make it acceptable.

Exactly unfortunately the reality is many boys still have this attitude even in this day and age. We all know sexism hasn’t gone away.

Huh? My daughter spent years of break time playing tag and racing around. She could tell me at great length exactly who was quicker than who. She doesn’t like team sports so ended up with the tag / racing / gymnastics side of the playground but she certainly liked to win.

My son plays football at a community club but says that’s plenty of football so never plays at school. He likes imaginative play so they all run around with sticks being Star Wars characters or whatever.

In secondary school? She was in year 10 racing against her female friends?

We had to do girls only sessions to give them the opportunity to play/learn. The boys complained.
At the young ages, calling it sexism is just pointless.
Try thinking of it as competition, Males are competitive. That is what makes them male.

You aren't going to teach that to a 2-3 year old. They aren't going to be able to consistently show that type of behaviour because they generally lacks the cognitive and social comprehension to override their impulse control. You can't get a 2 year old to play nicely like a 6 year old might be able to do. If you try and force it, they will disregulate and do something like whack someone.

The adults tried to make him do something he is incapable of doing (yet) and then marked him as a monster when he couldn't perform to their expectations. Petunia learned that you get a lot of attention and praise when you wail as loud as you can at perceived injustices. So if no doubt, just cry and everyone will assume you have been victimised and tell off the perpetrator.

Yes we are all aware football is a physical game.

Who said anything about standing back while Emily takes a shot? This is a straw man argument and tbh it’s sounding a bit sexist at this point that you keep focusing on this one example you apparently saw. The fact is not all girls are Emily.

As I said previously not saying girls like her don’t exist and your example may have happened, but there are other scenarios which are not like that.

I have clearly stated Jessica and Priya (ie these girls I am referring to) are as if not more passionate and serious about football than many of their male peers.And yet have been excluded from playing due to sexism .

In some cases they went on to form or join school or local girls football teams and in many instances did better than they boys team.

Considering we live in a sexist society and many boys are exposed to sexist views online or at home etc it’s not a stretch that this can impact how many treat girls in sports. In fact it’s inevitable that these attitudes will rub off on some boys and play out in school.

This is something I’ve seen in numerous schools and at least one other poster who works in schools had said they witnessed this too.

And btw - yes there ARE many girls who choose to play football at break in primary schools. I was one of them back in the 90s and I still see it nowadays in 2026. Not every girl is Emily!

I think if your OP was ‘how can everyone- parents, local councils, nurseries, schools, clubs, the wider context of government and society - work together so that all children get enough opportunity for exercise, play and socialisation’, I’d be with you.

Focusing only on schools (whose primary purpose in society is as providers of education) is picking on a single part of a much wider societal issue.

So often, in conversation with parents of children whose play / social interactions are persistently dangerous and harmful to others, I have asked ‘how are they at home / at weekends?’ and the answer is ‘oh, they are just on their tablet all the time’. Often literally ALL the time - from waking up to going to bed.

That type of lack can only be met through a whole system approach. It can’t be fully met within the school day.

GlovedhandsCecilia
Ive always thought the children who want to just sit should be given a small area of the playground or even inside if they arent bothered about being outside. It's more important that short time the kids are outside has lots of physical play. Those who dont want that do not need the space to read or chat as per their preference

They need the fresh air and exercise too though, in my kids’ school they left out skipping ropes, hula hoops, mini bean bags, cones, basketballs and the kids (boys and girls) who didn’t play football (which I hate is the key activity but it is in ours) or the teacher would get them playing what time I’d it mr wolf or something. They’d all enjoy it, even the children I really didn’t expect to

Boy play?

what is that please ?

why is it different to girl play? or have you already trained your girls to be good and quiet and play nicely and are happy to let your boys be thugs?

in our area all schools have playtime and children play - they run and jump and kick balls and laugh and chatter

My yr6 dd tells me at her school in the juniors playground (yr3-6) they are not allowed to play any running games to avoid accidents, however once a week on rotation at lunch break the junior playground is reserved for a class to play football.

I'd say that mostly favours boys over girls and certainly favours children who like football over those that don't.

The kids who don't want to play football can't run around at all and on football day have to play around the margins to keep out of the way. Sounds a bit shit to me.

I also agree martial arts should be taught in school. It's good for respect and discipline and unless sparring, it is not so competitive and that would appeal to the more physically reticent boys and girls.

Again, my experience , but it’s the wrong type of competitiveness. They make up for the lack of skill (they all think they’re the next Messi), through aggressiveness. They often play in a way that would get them sent off in a real match. They can’t cope with the other team winning, with someone being better than them, with losing the ball, with not making that goal, with losing the ball. They often start pushing, shoving, fighting, crying, shouts of not fair , screaming and berating their own team mates , walking off the pitch in tears etc. Then they bring it all in the classroom. It’s not the fucking World Cup!

That does sound shit. We have football, basketball, race track, tennis balls, little table tennis, jump ropes , chalk, other games, adventure playground and loads of other things. We also have tables/benches for the kids that want a calm/quiet space , or to read/do crafts/do imaginary play.

It’s definitely better when it’s warm/dry as there is more space.

I imagine it's banned because of the high number of litigious parents and utter lack
of resilience in kids these days, not to mention the fears of some teachers that they will get complaints if they don't address even the most minute injury/medical issue.

I work in a secondary school medical room and the number 'injuries' I see that we would have shaken off back when I was at school is unreal. A constant stream of paper cuts, footballs hitting head too hard...on one occasion I had a child sent to me with hiccups...

Obviously there's an argument that allowing more 'rough and tumble' in primary might help build resilience, which is probably true, but from a safeguarding/health and safety/legal POV I can't see that happening.

Yes, it was the exact same in my school back in the day but Things haven’t changed so much.

I remember being deliberately tripped up and then having a ball kicked at me AFTER the whistle because a popular sporty boy in year 6 was unhappy I outran him using my speed and skill during what was meant to be a fun lunch time game.

Go to schools nowadays and I hear and see the same kind of stories.

As I said, most women who play football today did play with the boys, even with begrudging acceptance from them because they were able to compete alongside them. So no, I don't believe that Priya couldn't play because she is a girl. It is more likely that she couldn't play without reducing the quality of the game.

Everything I am saying, every example, is from my direct firsthand experience of this issue as a parent, TA and former sports coach myself. Yes, parents wanted Emily to be able to have a go kicking the ball in the middle of games where nobody tried to get it from her. Emily refused to listen or take any heed of the rules or try to play appropriately and the parents thought inclusion meant there being room for that because football shouldn't be taken "so seriously".

Same. Except opposite conclusion.

I grew up in a family of tomboyish girls.

I now have 3 kids incl b/g twins.

My son needs a lot of outdoor time, jumps around, high energy, but can settle when he's had a run around.

His twin sister? Off the scale. That girl is never still. She sprints everywhere she can. She starts fights. She spends her bedtime upside-down. She likes tools and figuring things out.

If you go into parenting with an attitude of "of course girls are more quiet and compliant" then that is what you will see.