Child throwing chairs in classroom

[mondray]

I recently found out that there was an incident in my son’s classroom (year 2) where a student lost his temper and started throwing chairs around. It resulted in a student getting caught in the crossfire.
The teachers ushered out the rest of the children while they got the situation under control.

This was never mentioned to any of the parents and seems to have just spread like gossip through kids/parents over the next few weeks.

I am a bit in two minds about this situation. The child is new in the classroom, but I believe he might be SEN, which could explain the behaviour.
My own son wasn’t directly impacted, but has shown anxiety that this might happen again.

What would you as a parent do? Is it worth speaking to the school about it? Would you as a parent in this situation have expected to have been told that something like this happened in your child’s classroom?

I don’t want to be that parent, as I am sure the situation is being dealt with. But I am struggling with the fact that nothing has been communicated to us.

It is barely acknowledged at our school either (school is normally great and communicative) and it really irritates me that schools appear to have normalised/are happy to teach children to normalise this type of behaviour.
But you will have people here telling you it has nothing to do with you.

Ours is the same. I’ve always thought it’s a brilliant, little school and this won’t change my mind. But they are generally great at communicating as well.

They are still so little at this age and they spend a large part of day away from us. It’s hard not knowing and seeing what goes on in those hours.

I don’t know about everyone else’s children, but I normally get a “good” when I ask how his day has been and have to drag any further information out of him 😂.
it’s a few days later when I have a random bedtime and he tells me that he’s scared to go to school and then this comes out.

Your child's school cannot talk about other children and how they are dealing with them. You can express your concern and ask how your child is being kept safe.

I never expected them to talk about the other child. It is exactly what you said before. I would like to know how my child is being kept safe.
He certainly doesn’t feel very safe right now as he’s showing anxiety going to school as he fears it might happen again.

Then that's what you say to the teacher

I have been the parent of the child that had a meltdown and got the class evacuated. Even I wasn't told. I found out via another parent. When I asked the teacher "what happened yesterday?" He didn't know what I was talking about. I asked him if he thought my child needed extra support and he said "that's above my pay grade".

Ie don't expect that it's in hand.

That’s concerning to hear. Especially if your child is having the meltdown. How would you know that your child might need extra support if you’re never told about it.
Hope you have managed to get support if it was needed. I know it’s not easy.

Wow, I hope your child is getting support now. I've been that parent too (DD is doing much better now she has support) and I was told, as was the parent of the child the object she threw hit (fortunately something a bit lighter than a chair), with names removed but obviously kids talk. After a few meltdowns (not all involving throwing) she got suspended, which was truly awful at the time but actually turned out to be the best thing that could've happened as suddenly the LA managed to find money for a lot more support.

I have also been the parent of the chair-thrower and as pp wrote, please don't assume anything is being dealt with (appropriately or at all) by the school. And it's safe to say there will be plenty more parents in your position after the SEND reforms are implemented.

Sorry OP - it's not good for anyone.

As a teacher, who thankfully hasn't had to deal with this level of escalation, but who has had to prevent physical lashing out, I probably wouldn't inform all parents about such an incident but would hopefully deal with it calmly and effectively while reassuring the others. If a child was nervous or upset during or afterwards I would speak to their parent to explain and discuss. If a parent approached me about it regarding a now anxious child, I would certainly be open to discussing how to help and reassure their child.

I wouldn't have expected them to tell you, especially if your child wasn't the one throwing or hurt by the chair. They will have had plenty of paperwork and actions to fulfil after the event, with restorative conversations, incident reports, consultation with the ALNCo etc. It could be that the child doesn't have the support they need, or that due to staff sickness another LSA was with them. The staffing capacity at our school has been battered by budget restrictions from our LA.

If you have a concern, you are of course welcome to talk with your child's class teacher as a first port of call. If you're not satisfied with the response you could write to the head. Don't try and talk to them at the beginning of the day on the door or the gate. If your school encourages conversations at pick up time, I'd say mention that you want a chat and ask when would be good so you can book something in when you both have the time and space to discuss it properly. If you're happier to email, send something to the class teacher that asks for a chat and gives bullet points about your concerns.

I don't think you will from the way you've written your message but I would urge parents not to use AI to write letters to school. In the past year I've had to read through many lengthy letters which have been through AI about a variety of issues, concerns and situations. I would much rather receive a shorter and to the point email or letter in the words of the person who wants to communicate, and will always follow it up with an email, a phone call sometimes but ideally an in-person conversation (which I summarise in a bullet point email after so there's a record for all parties). It keeps things so much more real and transparent and direct.

It might be the case that the class teacher wants and needs more support in the class, and has probably already identified what needs to be in place. Having your input will help to build a bigger picture of the impact of the behaviour on the safety and wellbeing of the children in the class as well as the staff. They will also be feeling the effects of this kind of behaviour. I've seen it at our school when we've had violent and destructive behaviour. Parents hate to hear it called violence as they're often small children (which I understand) but it does and can cause physical pain and emotional stress and can also damage property and ruin learning environments for everyone.

Being able to pull evidence together of the impact to the wider class is useful. The school will know it but having your feedback in the mix is important too. It can help to evidence need to the LA, or to have challenging budget conversations, or sometimes when a child will have a better experience in a Special school.

I think your child told you how they were being kept safe-they (the rest of the class) were removed from the classroom. This incident is not a reflection on the school, it is a reflection on the system! There are many more children with disabilities and trauma than there are places in special schools. Virtually every state school in the land will have a 'chair-thrower'. The situation will only get worse with the proposed changes namely closing some special schools and making permanent exclusions much more difficult.

Just thought I’d type it out here instead of answering to everyone directly.

I have been fortunate enough not to have to deal with anything SEN related and quite happily admit my knowledge isn’t great.

It is really upsetting to hear what everyone is going through on both sides and how difficult it is to get support.

I don’t at all blame either the child, parent or the teachers in this situation and have selfishly only worried about my child and how it’s affecting him. He is my eldest and I’ve not had to deal with this scenario before. Everything is a learning curve.

I did not know about the upcoming SEND reform and really saddened to hear that it is actually going to be harder to get support.

I know there are budget cuts happening all over the place. It is just so sad that it’s at the expense of our children.

I will speak to his teacher next week, as we have a 1 to 1 booked anyway. My eldest is a sensitive soul, so I’m not surprised he’s instantly worried.

That's great OP. What is key and hasn't been mentioned, is your response to him and your handling of the situation.

If it was your child who wasn't coping and was forced to go to a school that can't meet his needs, would you expect the school to be telling the other parents all about it?

You can ask how the school is keeping your child safe.

They will stay that measures are being put in place.

That's as far as that conversation will go.

This was my two girls. Both learning disabled ,autistic. School could not cope. Headteacher told me they were on their knees but insisted they should stay in mainstream.
I argued that they were not suitable for mainstream and they should be in special school. I was ignored for years and the girls caused havoc ,were excluded, police involved etc.
Eventually got them out of mainstream.
They were in my opinion not educatable if there is such a word .
Oh, and I was sent to parenting classes because they blamed me for the behaviour.
However, I pointed out to them that my first 3 children were totally fine and never in trouble and that the bad behaviour was not caused by my parenting but by their autism.

Something similar happened when dd was in year 1. A boy with autism who'd coped quite well with Reception free flow wasn't coping in year 1. The dc were ushered out when he started throwing things. He ended up moving to a special school. The dc cried as they loved him. This was 15 years ago though so it might not be as easy to move to a special school now.
I didn't raise it with the school as I felt they were doing their best.

Well that used to be par for the course in my child’s class. A classmate had neurodiversity and PDA and would launch chairs and whatever was in his hand and all the kids would be escorted out onto the field for a walk. As a parent you could certainly register your concern.

This is a conversation you need to have with their teacher, so they can be aware of your child's anxiety around this incident and inform you how they intend to keep the children safe in the event of a child becoming unregulated and throwing missiles (evacuating the classroom was the right thing to do).

I would expect the parents of the two children who were involved to have been informed (the one who was throwing the chairs, and the one who was hurt), but it absolutely would not be protocol to draw the attention of all parents to an incident which did not directly involve their child. You are entitled to ask about it, but they will not be able to talk to you about the other child, only about how they intend to support your's.

This was mostly the reason ds goes to an independent senior school. No disruption, so he can get on with learning.

This

You might want to go above the teacher as the teacher her or his self is probably terrified and stressed

My son brought it to my attention at bedtime (something he normally would do when he is worried about something). He normally processes things for a few days silently and then it ends up boiling over at bedtime when he either gets upset or wants to talk about it himself. He mentioned what happened and said the teachers took them outside and just told them the boys got a bit upset.

As I hadn’t heard it had happened and also don’t know the child in question very well. I’m not sure if I handled it correctly or not.
I said thank you for telling me and that I will speak to teachers about it. But they will keep you safe when you’re at school.

I feel like I 100% didn’t word myself correctly and would take any advice on how to do it if it gets brought up again by him.

No I suppose I wouldn’t. Which I have already said further above.
But I would also expect to be able to talk to them about the situation as my son is now scared of this boy and worries it might happen again and this time they might be the one getting hurt.