Page 2 | Child throwing chairs in classroom

mondray · 2026-03-04T13:06:24+00:00

I recently found out that there was an incident in my son’s classroom (year 2) where a student lost his temper and started throwing chairs around. It resulted in a student getting caught in the crossfire. The teachers ushered out the rest of the children while they got the situation under control. This was never mentioned to any of the parents and seems to have just spread like gossip through kids/parents over the next few weeks. I am a bit in two minds about this situation. The child is new in the classroom, but I believe he might be SEN, which could explain the behaviour. My own son wasn’t directly impacted, but has shown anxiety that this might happen again. What would you as a parent do? Is it worth speaking to the school about it? Would you as a parent in this situation have expected to have been told that something like this happened in your child’s classroom? I don’t want to be that parent, as I am sure the situation is being dealt with. But I am struggling with the fact that nothing has been communicated to us.

Original poster

mondray · 04/03/2026 17:06

ZiggyZowie · 04/03/2026 16:05

This was my two girls. Both learning disabled ,autistic. School could not cope. Headteacher told me they were on their knees but insisted they should stay in mainstream.
I argued that they were not suitable for mainstream and they should be in special school. I was ignored for years and the girls caused havoc ,were excluded, police involved etc.
Eventually got them out of mainstream.
They were in my opinion not educatable if there is such a word .
Oh, and I was sent to parenting classes because they blamed me for the behaviour.
However, I pointed out to them that my first 3 children were totally fine and never in trouble and that the bad behaviour was not caused by my parenting but by their autism.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Especially as you brought up your concerns and wasn’t taken seriously.
I genuinely hope you and your girls got the support you needed in the end.

OP posts:

hopspot · 04/03/2026 17:07

Legomania · 04/03/2026 13:31

It is barely acknowledged at our school either (school is normally great and communicative) and it really irritates me that schools appear to have normalised/are happy to teach children to normalise this type of behaviour.
But you will have people here telling you it has nothing to do with you.

Edited

To clarify, schools aren’t happy to teach children who throw chairs. They have no choice.

mikado1 · 04/03/2026 17:09

mondray · 04/03/2026 17:01

My son brought it to my attention at bedtime (something he normally would do when he is worried about something). He normally processes things for a few days silently and then it ends up boiling over at bedtime when he either gets upset or wants to talk about it himself. He mentioned what happened and said the teachers took them outside and just told them the boys got a bit upset.

As I hadn’t heard it had happened and also don’t know the child in question very well. I’m not sure if I handled it correctly or not.
I said thank you for telling me and that I will speak to teachers about it. But they will keep you safe when you’re at school.

I feel like I 100% didn’t word myself correctly and would take any advice on how to do it if it gets brought up again by him.

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Sounds ideal. You didn't have a knee jerk reaction and you reassured him.
I mentioned your handling as unfortunately I have seen many parents make children's understandable anxieties worse with the way they deal with it. I hope it will be dealt with satisfactorily in your school. Life seems much harder for kids these days.

elliejjtiny · 04/03/2026 17:12

I would guess it's lack of funding that is the issue here. So many children aren't getting the funding they need and schools are just having to manage.

My son has autism and he thankfully isn't violent but he needs a lot of support to keep him safe at school.

MrsMariaReynolds · 04/03/2026 17:16

I have worked in 1:1 support for many EYFS/KS1 "chair throwers" (and worse) over the years and I think most parents would be horrified to hear how common these events are, and how little support (or more to the point, £££) that is available to have properly trained staff on hand to support children in these situations. We do our best to minimise incidents and ensure the safety of other children, but it can and does continue to happen. With impending changes to SEN funding, it's only going to get worse.

Kirbert2 · 04/03/2026 17:18

Unfortunately, this is only going to get worse in an attempt to save money.

If you have a meeting coming up anyway, I would mention that it has made him more anxious about coming to school but since he wasn't directly involved then I wouldn't say much more than that personally. He has said that they evacuate the classroom so you know what they do to try and safeguard the other children.

Original poster

mondray · 04/03/2026 17:23

MajorProcrastination · 04/03/2026 14:25

I wouldn't have expected them to tell you, especially if your child wasn't the one throwing or hurt by the chair. They will have had plenty of paperwork and actions to fulfil after the event, with restorative conversations, incident reports, consultation with the ALNCo etc. It could be that the child doesn't have the support they need, or that due to staff sickness another LSA was with them. The staffing capacity at our school has been battered by budget restrictions from our LA.

If you have a concern, you are of course welcome to talk with your child's class teacher as a first port of call. If you're not satisfied with the response you could write to the head. Don't try and talk to them at the beginning of the day on the door or the gate. If your school encourages conversations at pick up time, I'd say mention that you want a chat and ask when would be good so you can book something in when you both have the time and space to discuss it properly. If you're happier to email, send something to the class teacher that asks for a chat and gives bullet points about your concerns.

I don't think you will from the way you've written your message but I would urge parents not to use AI to write letters to school. In the past year I've had to read through many lengthy letters which have been through AI about a variety of issues, concerns and situations. I would much rather receive a shorter and to the point email or letter in the words of the person who wants to communicate, and will always follow it up with an email, a phone call sometimes but ideally an in-person conversation (which I summarise in a bullet point email after so there's a record for all parties). It keeps things so much more real and transparent and direct.

It might be the case that the class teacher wants and needs more support in the class, and has probably already identified what needs to be in place. Having your input will help to build a bigger picture of the impact of the behaviour on the safety and wellbeing of the children in the class as well as the staff. They will also be feeling the effects of this kind of behaviour. I've seen it at our school when we've had violent and destructive behaviour. Parents hate to hear it called violence as they're often small children (which I understand) but it does and can cause physical pain and emotional stress and can also damage property and ruin learning environments for everyone.

Being able to pull evidence together of the impact to the wider class is useful. The school will know it but having your feedback in the mix is important too. It can help to evidence need to the LA, or to have challenging budget conversations, or sometimes when a child will have a better experience in a Special school.

What a great post.
thank you very much for the advice.

I don’t know if you are a teacher, but it really helps to get that perspective.
I will 100% be following your advice, but more so from my son’s perspective.
I don’t want him to be scared at school.

hopefully the boys family gets the help they need too.

OP posts:

Legomania · 04/03/2026 17:48

hopspot · 04/03/2026 17:07

To clarify, schools aren’t happy to teach children who throw chairs. They have no choice.

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I'm sure they're not happy about it. It was the lack of acknowledgement to parents I was talking about.

Op, the chair thrower in my eldest child's year was excluded in y3 and I understand is now in an environment that suits them much better. The one in my youngest's class is still there but fortunately my child currently doesn't seem too concerned about it.

hopspot · 04/03/2026 18:10

Kirbert2 · 04/03/2026 17:18

Unfortunately, this is only going to get worse in an attempt to save money.

If you have a meeting coming up anyway, I would mention that it has made him more anxious about coming to school but since he wasn't directly involved then I wouldn't say much more than that personally. He has said that they evacuate the classroom so you know what they do to try and safeguard the other children.

I agree. Cost cutting labelled as inclusion. In reality it fails everyone.

BoleynMemories13 · 04/03/2026 18:28

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/03/2026 16:52

You might want to go above the teacher as the teacher her or his self is probably terrified and stressed

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I, as a teacher, wouldn't mind parents asking me about such an incident. I would expect it to come up. I wouldn't be able to tell them anything beyond what the school can do to support their own child though.

I probably would signpost them to SLT if they wished to take their concerns further, but they wouldn't be able to tell them any more about how the behaviour of another child is being dealt with either. As someone else said though, it helps them to keep a record of the impact on other children if parents do flag their concerns so it is worth doing even if you are not able to get answers as such.

StrippeyFrog · 04/03/2026 18:47

mondray · 04/03/2026 13:56

That’s concerning to hear. Especially if your child is having the meltdown. How would you know that your child might need extra support if you’re never told about it.
Hope you have managed to get support if it was needed. I know it’s not easy.

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I’m another parent of a child that has done similar things. I never get told of any incidents and child doesn’t have the communication skills to tell me. The only way I find out is through other kids telling their parents and the parents telling me.

SurreySenMum26 · 04/03/2026 18:50

mondray · 04/03/2026 13:56

That’s concerning to hear. Especially if your child is having the meltdown. How would you know that your child might need extra support if you’re never told about it.
Hope you have managed to get support if it was needed. I know it’s not easy.

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Thank you for being so kind. It was the teacher she hurt but obviously everyone was then scared of her and parents told their kids to avoid her. It was a truly hideous time. She already had a EHCP and diagnosis of ASD. School geared up to expel her but that didn't happen. I don't want to defend her actions but that teacher was very touchy with her and as a female she has every right to say do not touch me. She has learn to use very clear language now and I have said to school if she says "do not touch me" but you keep on touching her she will blow up. It's in no one benefit so don't pull her pin out and shake her or she will blow up.

It's being disregulted and adults saying is actually fine.

I absolutly would not want her in that state in my child's class. There is no winners here. Now she has matured in year 5 she can either hold it in or walk out to get a break if she can't hold it in.

I totally agree that will get worse with this white paper. The thing is it should never have happened. It's such a simple zero cost adjustment. It's not even an adjustment. Don't pull on kids clothes as it pulled her hair out. I would get mad if a man pulled my hair out. But I'm not 7 so I'd go to the police. All she had was a primitive urge to escape him.

None of this acknowledged by the school. Until the day ahe kicked him. Every concern I had was dismissed. So suspension ass pp said was for the best. School and senco unfortunately did not have a clue how to deal with it. Wouldn't listen to me either. I know her triggers better than anyone

Jamesblonde2 · 04/03/2026 18:53

Wow, that’s disgusting OP. You put your child into the care of someone else and you are not told about violence he’s witnessing and in the middle of.

If it was domestic abuse between 2 parents and the child witnessed it (the stress and worry the same) the authorities would be in straight away.

Seemingly you’ll need to tell your child to tell you every single time the child kicks off, as school won’t say anything. What a world!

Assuming you can’t afford private school to get him out of this environment?

Fearfulsaints · 04/03/2026 19:04

mondray · 04/03/2026 14:46

Just thought I’d type it out here instead of answering to everyone directly.

I have been fortunate enough not to have to deal with anything SEN related and quite happily admit my knowledge isn’t great.

It is really upsetting to hear what everyone is going through on both sides and how difficult it is to get support.

I don’t at all blame either the child, parent or the teachers in this situation and have selfishly only worried about my child and how it’s affecting him. He is my eldest and I’ve not had to deal with this scenario before. Everything is a learning curve.

I did not know about the upcoming SEND reform and really saddened to hear that it is actually going to be harder to get support.

I know there are budget cuts happening all over the place. It is just so sad that it’s at the expense of our children.

I will speak to his teacher next week, as we have a 1 to 1 booked anyway. My eldest is a sensitive soul, so I’m not surprised he’s instantly worried.

I just wanted to say (as a parent if a child who has thrown a chair) that you arent being selfish.

Its literally your role to look out for your child. The school has to look out for their whole cohort and the child with sen hopefully has parents looking out for them but your child only has you to think of them first.

You can be compassionate and kind about the other child / teacher /system - which you have been.

But its still totally fine to say this scared my child, how will you keep him safe and how will you help him feel less scared.

BoleynMemories13 · 04/03/2026 19:25

Jamesblonde2 · 04/03/2026 18:53

Wow, that’s disgusting OP. You put your child into the care of someone else and you are not told about violence he’s witnessing and in the middle of.

If it was domestic abuse between 2 parents and the child witnessed it (the stress and worry the same) the authorities would be in straight away.

Seemingly you’ll need to tell your child to tell you every single time the child kicks off, as school won’t say anything. What a world!

Assuming you can’t afford private school to get him out of this environment?

This is a poor comparison, as it's completely different to DV. The moment an outburst like this occurs they are safely evacuated and distracted. The effects are nothing like that of DV.

We're talking about the privacy of a vulnerable child. What do you want the school to do, put an article in the weekly newsletter informing parents of every kick off? As there's not exactly a discrete way of informing every parent in that class that their child has momentarily witnessed a violent outburst.

Of course it's not nice for children to witness but, unless they are directly hurt by another child's actions, your expectations of being informed of every time a chair is thrown are completely unrealistic. The last thing this child needs is a vigilante against them.

Original poster

mondray · 04/03/2026 19:56

Jamesblonde2 · 04/03/2026 18:53

Wow, that’s disgusting OP. You put your child into the care of someone else and you are not told about violence he’s witnessing and in the middle of.

If it was domestic abuse between 2 parents and the child witnessed it (the stress and worry the same) the authorities would be in straight away.

Seemingly you’ll need to tell your child to tell you every single time the child kicks off, as school won’t say anything. What a world!

Assuming you can’t afford private school to get him out of this environment?

I completely agree that it’s not a great situation to be in for anyone in this case. I’m sure the boy is struggling himself and so are his parents. The teachers I’m pretty sure are doing the best they can in this case. I am just frustrated that I had no clue this happened, so I wasn’t put on the spot when my son was finally willing to speak about it.

Nothing like this has happened before that I’m aware of (stuff like this tends to spread like wildfire one way or another). So I do feel like it would be a bit hasty to take him out of school. I’m pretty sure no matter where we would go, there would be similar problems. Especially with all the budget cuts.

I just wish there was better communication, which has been my main concern.

OP posts:

Original poster

mondray · 04/03/2026 20:09

Fearfulsaints · 04/03/2026 19:04

I just wanted to say (as a parent if a child who has thrown a chair) that you arent being selfish.

Its literally your role to look out for your child. The school has to look out for their whole cohort and the child with sen hopefully has parents looking out for them but your child only has you to think of them first.

You can be compassionate and kind about the other child / teacher /system - which you have been.

But its still totally fine to say this scared my child, how will you keep him safe and how will you help him feel less scared.

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I think your last paragraph sums up what my point has been all along. I’m just really good at word vomiting😂.

I just want my son to feel safe and not scared. He so easily gets discouraged and loses confidence when scary things happen.

I was similar to him when I was a kid and did not get the support I needed at his age. My parents were and are great, but had a habit of sweeping things under the rug.
I don’t want that for him.

OP posts:

ShetlandishMum · 04/03/2026 20:15

We had an incident like this in primary
school. No information to parents.
My child refused to enter school as she was scared the day after. Teacher explained me what the children were caught in.

The child did a lot of interruption and noved to a special school at secondary but really shold have been moved years earlier.

Schools are madness 2026.

IdaGlossop · 04/03/2026 20:32

Meadowfinch · 04/03/2026 16:14

This was mostly the reason ds goes to an independent senior school. No disruption, so he can get on with learning.

A comment that would have been better not made. It doesn't help OP one jot.

mathanxiety · 04/03/2026 20:53

Binding · 04/03/2026 15:58

If it was your child who wasn't coping and was forced to go to a school that can't meet his needs, would you expect the school to be telling the other parents all about it?

That's mean spirited and twists the OP's words and feelings out of all recognition.

Of course the incident should have been relayed to parents. The anonymity of the chair throwing child could have been preserved.

In schools I am familiar with (in the US) emails are sent to parents giving an outline of any incident that resulted in disruption to the class and upset to the other children.

Parents deserve to know why their child is suddenly afraid to go to school or having trouble le falling asleep

Teachers who think ushering the other children out and telling them everything was OK and they were safe, and the matter was over, don't know the nature of children very well, I'm afraid.

Oblivionnnnn · 04/03/2026 21:03

mondray · 04/03/2026 13:47

I never expected them to talk about the other child. It is exactly what you said before. I would like to know how my child is being kept safe.
He certainly doesn’t feel very safe right now as he’s showing anxiety going to school as he fears it might happen again.

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How he is being kept safe, is by being evacuated when incidents like this happen.

Tickingcrocodile · 04/03/2026 21:04

I'm a primary school teacher in KS1. Almost every class I've taught in the past few years has had at least one child who easily becomes dysregulated and throws equipment. Most of these are already diagnosed with SEN or are on the assessment pathway. It is not at all uncommon to have to evacuate a class. From talking to other teachers, this is not unique to my school either.

Unfortunately, there is not a lot that can be done about it. We are a small school and have very limited additional "breakout" space. We spend a large amount of our budget on additional TAs although EHCP funding (if we have even managed to get an EHCP) does not cover all this cost. It is virtually impossible to exclude students, especially if they have SEND. There is insufficient specialist provision available and even if it is available, parents have to be in favour of using it.

EvangelineTheNightStar · 04/03/2026 21:10

mathanxiety · 04/03/2026 20:53

That's mean spirited and twists the OP's words and feelings out of all recognition.

Of course the incident should have been relayed to parents. The anonymity of the chair throwing child could have been preserved.

In schools I am familiar with (in the US) emails are sent to parents giving an outline of any incident that resulted in disruption to the class and upset to the other children.

Parents deserve to know why their child is suddenly afraid to go to school or having trouble le falling asleep

Teachers who think ushering the other children out and telling them everything was OK and they were safe, and the matter was over, don't know the nature of children very well, I'm afraid.

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This, @mathanxiety hits perfectly on the guilt and shaming placed on parents being upset and concerned they are terrified by fellow pupils or they are being regularly assaulted by them! “How selfish are you!! Just because your child is being assaulted you want this to stop?! That’s so judgemental!! Have you even thought about the feelings of the child kicking the shit out of your child?! Don’t you realise they are the only ones who matter?!”

PinkCatCushion · 04/03/2026 21:16

Meadowfinch · 04/03/2026 16:14

This was mostly the reason ds goes to an independent senior school. No disruption, so he can get on with learning.

Well as long as your son is alright…

hopspot · 04/03/2026 21:20

Tickingcrocodile · 04/03/2026 21:04

I'm a primary school teacher in KS1. Almost every class I've taught in the past few years has had at least one child who easily becomes dysregulated and throws equipment. Most of these are already diagnosed with SEN or are on the assessment pathway. It is not at all uncommon to have to evacuate a class. From talking to other teachers, this is not unique to my school either.

Unfortunately, there is not a lot that can be done about it. We are a small school and have very limited additional "breakout" space. We spend a large amount of our budget on additional TAs although EHCP funding (if we have even managed to get an EHCP) does not cover all this cost. It is virtually impossible to exclude students, especially if they have SEND. There is insufficient specialist provision available and even if it is available, parents have to be in favour of using it.

I completely agree and this is my world as a KS1 teacher.