Teacher mistake - how annoyed would you be?

GruntGrunt · 2025-10-16T21:00:53+00:00

DD "Alice" has just started reception. Her best friend "Jane" has the same skin, hair and eye colour as her, and is a similar height. The also sit on the same table (tables are determined by skill level). During parents evening the teacher slipped up and referred to her as Jane. We pointed this out and the teacher apologised and corrected herself. Later in the conversation the teacher mentioned that Alice had been really good at chopping vegetables when making soup in forest school. We said we thought she'd been off sick that week but the teacher said it must have been the week before and insisted that the photos were on the ap they use. We just checked the photos and they're of Jane!! Am I unreasonable to be annoyed? Shall I email the teacher and if so what shall I say? She seems like a great teacher otherwise and is really lovely so I don't want to have a go at her, but this has really upset me! And who knows whether any of the other feedback she gave related to Jane instead of Alice?!

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limescale · 16/10/2025 22:06

Do you know Jane’s parents? Does the teacher use Jane and Alice interchangeably for her as well?
Do they actually look very similar? Has anyone else commented on how alike they look?

AliceMcK · 16/10/2025 22:08

Your being a bit ott. It wouldn’t bother me at all, it didn’t when it’s happened. Teachers are still getting to know the children and when you have children who look similar in a class room full of children it can get confusing at times. If it’s happening in a year then I’d be bothered, for now I’d just correct and laugh it off.

My youngest DD started reception with a girl that even I got confused with at home time thinking it was my dd coming out. I was still doing this in year 2 and so were some of the teachers. They are now in year 4 and look nothing alike.

My oldest dd went to a childminder where another girl was my DDs doppelgänger, even looking back at pictures now I struggle to tell them apart.

Hohumhuee · 16/10/2025 22:09

You are upset that the teacher thought your daughter was good at chopping veg but actually it’s her friend who she regularly sits by based on ability and who she has a passing resemblance to?
have you tried having a cup of tea and an early night? Things might look brighter in the morning

dontmalbeconme · 16/10/2025 22:09

Are "Alice" and "Jane" both of the same minority ethnicity? If so, I'd be concerned about some underlying racism.

Thatstheheatingon · 16/10/2025 22:13

Does the teacher get all other names right and just mix up these two? Because if she sometimes gets other children's names mixed then I would not assume it's racist. If she still mixed them up at the end of the year that would be different.
I regularly mix my own dc's names up so maybe that is making me have sympathy!

JemimaTiggywinkles · 16/10/2025 22:13

There’s two boys in my class who I cannot get the names right! I know each one’s strengths, weaknesses and personalities. I know which one is a bit more sarcastic and which one hates writing in black pen. When face to face I know loads about each one, but cannot get their names to stick in my head. I’m trying every day and they think it’s hilarious that I’m crap at names. I’d hope parents understand that mixing up names (especially when I’m trying my best) is not as important as all the other stuff I know about their kids.

dontcomeatme · 16/10/2025 22:13

dontmalbeconme · 16/10/2025 22:09

Are "Alice" and "Jane" both of the same minority ethnicity? If so, I'd be concerned about some underlying racism.

This.

If it's not underlying racism then I think you're being a bit OTT. My DS looks like half the boys on the street, I sometimes have to double check his clothes to make sure I'm spotting the right child. I love soft plays for this reason 😅 the "which ones mine" head bob haha

DingDongJingle · 16/10/2025 22:15

There were 3 little girls with very blonde hair in my daughter’s reception class, one of whom was my daughter, and even I struggled to tell them apart in photos and when they were coming out of school at the end of the day 😬. Considering they’re only a few weeks into term I wouldn’t be massively bothered by this, as long as it doesn’t continue all year.

Cookieandcandy · 16/10/2025 22:15

dontmalbeconme · 16/10/2025 22:09

Are "Alice" and "Jane" both of the same minority ethnicity? If so, I'd be concerned about some underlying racism.

FFS

titchy · 16/10/2025 22:17

Hohumhuee · 16/10/2025 22:09

You are upset that the teacher thought your daughter was good at chopping veg but actually it’s her friend who she regularly sits by based on ability and who she has a passing resemblance to?
have you tried having a cup of tea and an early night? Things might look brighter in the morning

I’m assuming OP’s concern isn’t the accurate reporting of her dd’s vegetable chipping skills, rather that anything that happens at school that concerns her dd, whether it’s that she’s done well with her reading, or that she’s thumped Jonny, it’ll be Jane’s parents that are informed.

mrsschneebly · 16/10/2025 22:17

Hohumhuee · 16/10/2025 22:09

You are upset that the teacher thought your daughter was good at chopping veg but actually it’s her friend who she regularly sits by based on ability and who she has a passing resemblance to?
have you tried having a cup of tea and an early night? Things might look brighter in the morning

I mean, knowing who is who is a fairly integral part of teaching especially when you’re conducting a parents evening.

Original poster

GruntGrunt · 16/10/2025 22:18

A slip up I wouldn't be bothered by, it happens to us all. What bothers me is specifically saying that she had seen my daughter do something when in actual fact my daughter wasn't there at all. How do I know which bits of feedback apply to my daughter and which apply to Jane?

I'm not angry with the teacher exactly - no one is perfect and we all make mistakes - but I'm upset with the situation.

OP posts:

Denim4ever · 16/10/2025 22:21

I would be more worried tables weren't a mixture of skill levels than I would be about the name mix ups

dontcomeatme · 16/10/2025 22:22

Cookieandcandy · 16/10/2025 22:15

FFS

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Why FFS? If its a predominantly white school/class and these are the only 2 black kids, or kids of colour, then that would be racism wouldn't it?

Arlanymor · 16/10/2025 22:23

Term started a matter of weeks ago, I would give the teacher a break. It’s not easy having to learn 30+ new names every year. She barely knows either child yet and if they’re thick as thieves then it’s understandable that there may be some mix ups in the early first few weeks.

When I was in Year Eight I got told off for talking in class… until my best friend pointed out that I was off sick that day! My mum thought it was funny, she wasn’t upset.

Fishingboatbobbingnight · 16/10/2025 22:25

If the teacher is from a different race/ethnicity from your child then this is not necessarily any form of racism. It’s just a well documented psychological and perceptual phenomenon known as the “other-race effect” (or “cross-race effect”). It’s been observed across many different ethnic and racial groups.

People generally find it harder to recognize or differentiate faces from ethnic/racial groups other than their own, and better at distinguishing faces within their own group. For example:

Chinese people may have more difficulty telling apart African or European faces.
White people may have more difficulty telling apart East Asian faces.
African people may have more difficulty telling apart East Asian or European faces.
This isn’t one-way or based on bias alone — it’s a universal cognitive pattern.

Smeegall · 16/10/2025 22:31

Fishingboatbobbingnight · 16/10/2025 22:25

If the teacher is from a different race/ethnicity from your child then this is not necessarily any form of racism. It’s just a well documented psychological and perceptual phenomenon known as the “other-race effect” (or “cross-race effect”). It’s been observed across many different ethnic and racial groups.

People generally find it harder to recognize or differentiate faces from ethnic/racial groups other than their own, and better at distinguishing faces within their own group. For example:

Chinese people may have more difficulty telling apart African or European faces.
White people may have more difficulty telling apart East Asian faces.
African people may have more difficulty telling apart East Asian or European faces.
This isn’t one-way or based on bias alone — it’s a universal cognitive pattern.

I loved that episode of the good wife

Original poster

GruntGrunt · 16/10/2025 22:37

I don't think the teacher is racist!

She's clearly a good teacher and I don't want to make her feel bad or accuse her of not caring/paying attention because I'm sure she tries her best.

I'm still upset though, and I don't know whether or how to raise it with her

OP posts:

FuzzyWolf · 16/10/2025 22:38

You aren’t even half a term in. Parents’ evening is all about the teachers smiling and saying how lovely the child is and how well they are trying. Any issues are addressed separately and at the time it becomes apparent.

DingDongJingle · 16/10/2025 22:40

GruntGrunt · 16/10/2025 22:37

I don't think the teacher is racist!

She's clearly a good teacher and I don't want to make her feel bad or accuse her of not caring/paying attention because I'm sure she tries her best.

I'm still upset though, and I don't know whether or how to raise it with her

You’re what, 6 weeks in? You’ve said that they’re very close, sit together and look similar. I’d be more surprised if she wasn’t mixing them up at this stage.
No, it’s not ideal. But she’ll figure it out as she gets to know them better.

BeLilacSloth · 16/10/2025 22:42

I would be upset. It’s really unprofessional of the teacher. It would even be bad if these two were twins. The fact that they’re not even related and the teachers making mistakes like this is awful. If it continues I would complain or ask to speak to the head.

Hercisback1 · 16/10/2025 22:45

Please cut the teacher some slack. It is so difficult keeping track of which child did what, where, when and how. There's so much going on at any one time that it's really tricky to differentiate sometimes.

Don't say anything. What do you stand to gain? An apology for a genuine mistake. It won't make things feel much better your end, and will make the teacher feel a hell of a lot worse.

AngelofIslington · 16/10/2025 22:46

Rather than bringing it up directly could you not message and ask her to point you in the right direction of the photos as you can’t seem to see them. She did say it was definitely your DD when you queried this so by doing it this way it might highlight to her she was wrong without you accusing her of anything

coxesorangepippin · 16/10/2025 22:47

Yabu

Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 16/10/2025 22:48

It is early days but I understand your upset.
Do the girls both wear their hair in a similar way? Could you change so that Alice is the one with bunches/2 plaits/bobbles etc without making it an over the top difference it may just help the teacher.
My dd has twins in her class and one wears a green polo shirt and the other white as part of their uniform