Teacher mistake - how annoyed would you be?

[GruntGrunt]

DD "Alice" has just started reception. Her best friend "Jane" has the same skin, hair and eye colour as her, and is a similar height. The also sit on the same table (tables are determined by skill level).

During parents evening the teacher slipped up and referred to her as Jane. We pointed this out and the teacher apologised and corrected herself. Later in the conversation the teacher mentioned that Alice had been really good at chopping vegetables when making soup in forest school. We said we thought she'd been off sick that week but the teacher said it must have been the week before and insisted that the photos were on the ap they use.

We just checked the photos and they're of Jane!!

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed? Shall I email the teacher and if so what shall I say? She seems like a great teacher otherwise and is really lovely so I don't want to have a go at her, but this has really upset me! And who knows whether any of the other feedback she gave related to Jane instead of Alice?!

Racism is unfortunately alive and kicking. That does not mean that a random story of two children's names being mixed up (children whose race we don't even know!) is a sign of racism.

I'm sorry that you've personally experienced racism. It's very common and I wish it wasn't.

Respectfully, though, I think your negative experiences have led to you being overly sensitive to anything even tangentially connected to race.

As for the racism angle, I of course don't think that should be dismissed (and have reported thr poster who used the phrase "race card" - I think that's despicable in itself.)

But I admit that as a teacher I do mix similar looking kids up occasionally - I call them by the wrong names even when I know who they are really well - menopause has made this worse!

And that can be the two slim white blonde girls with straight hair, or the two larger freckly white blonde boys who mess around a bit, or the two slim Asian boys with close cropped hair. And I apologise in all cases but especially when it's the two Asian lads (who are in a minority at our school) because I get that it looks, feels and sounds racist. And I wouldn't claim to never commit a racist act - I am not that arrogant - but it's hugely mportant to me to try fucking hard not to....

@tragichero we do read with her of course, but DD is very resistant to doing anything at home unless it's entirely in her terms, plus the school has a reputation for being very academically pushy (they've covered adverbs already - is that normal??) so we tend to give her a break at home.

In short - yes, the feedback was important to us.

We had the exact same scenario when my little one was in year 6 only the other child was an absolute nightmare - that’s how I clocked she had the 2 children mixed up as my child is very quiet. My child has a very ethnic sounding first and second name the other child has an English name. It was interesting to me that she always called the naughty child by my daughter’s ethnic name and my child who was good was always called the English name. Call me mental but I read as much into that as was humanly possible.

To be clear, while I'm not dismissing the fact that something like this could be caused by racism, I'm really not accusing this teacher of being racist.

Also I get people saying it’s just the wrong name. But we also (like the OP) had a whole parents evening where feedback was given about the WRONG child complete with the teacher whipping out the wrong bloody books. I was pregnant at the time and I remember being (probably hormonal) so upset that I cried 🙈

Yes exactly, poor teacher no doubt has 30 children in her class, sure just as likely to get the blonde girls mixed up, the ginger haired boys etc, for goodness sake, racism does exist but devalues the term when people come out with things like this

Why are people saying it may be racist when tve lads have same colour of skin, hair and eyes? Baffled!

They've the same skin, hair and eye colour. You need to give yiur head a wobble.

I think this kind of situation would upset me too as a parent

You are the kind of person that no one wants to be around. RACISM???? Cry me a damn river.

Are you white by any means? Its usually white people nowadays telling us minorities how everything we face has a racist tone to it.

Absolutely not. Address it in the moment or don’t address it at all.

I thought BAME was no longer an acceptable term? This was raised during a recent training session where I work in a public body.

One of DS’s school reports referred to him as “she”! So be thankful Alice hasn’t been mixed up with “John” OP!

For Heaven's sake.

Gosh, I'd be doing that all the time if I was a teacher with a new class. Some people take quite a while to distinguish similar-looking faces in a big group. So long as DD isn't being upset by this, I'd leave it. You might get DD to wear some distinguishing item for a few weeks if uniform allows, eg an unusual hairband, until the teacher is up to speed.

I don't know what to say and I hate any kind of conflict/perceived conflict 🫣

So, listen to yourself.
You don't know what to say and don't want to make a fuss because you really don't need to say anything and there's no need to make a fuss.

Fish, I'm a teacher, I make mistakes in names so frequently its super embarrassing. But I know every child in my class by ability etc

I’ve been teaching for 41 years and every five or six years this will happen with a couple of kids in my class. I know who is who, but the wrong name just comes out sometimes. I’ll usually know before I’ve finished saying the name. It’s the same at home with my own four. I know who is who, but sometimes I’ll get through all four names before I say the right one. 😝

I don’t know why it happens consistently with a pair of kids every so many years, but it does. I teach older kids, 10-12 year olds. I can tell you their reading level, their strengths and weaknesses in maths, who their siblings are and the name of their dog, but will STILL blurt out the names interchangeably on occasion. Luckily, as they are older, they usually find it funny and we make it a laugh about me.

I can understand why it would worry you though. I think I might say something in passing. Maybe an email saying it was great to meet and have time to chat, but I checked the app when I got home and could only find photos of Jane. It’s not surprising you were mistaken, as the two girls are really very alike. Not to worry, it’s a good thing we were only chatting about chopping vegetables and not her GCSE results.

That keeps it light, but lets her know she was mistaken. She will probably be mortified, but you’ve flagged it without making a big deal about it.

Honestly though, my money is on her knowing exactly who your DD is.

You would ask to speak to the head? Really? What exactly do you think the head teacher is going to do? Tell the teacher off? Sack her?
It was a slight mix up, not a big deal at all. I'm surprised you can see photos of other children, we can only see ones with our own children in.
I'm not surprised teachers are leaving me profession if parents complain about issues like this.

In my daughters year 5 report her teacher stated that she needed to improve on her typing skills during computer studies.

Only for me to send a copy of my daughters recent touch typing course results - my daughter had been practicing touch typing for 30mins a day for 12 months and could touch type faster than most adults by the time she was 10.

The teacher admitted she’d just made up the comment as something to say. I think teachers so make up non academic stuff.

This is honestly one of those situations that illustrates why teachers who hate their jobs, hate their jobs. Please relax and have a chuckle about it and let that poor teacher settle into the year in peace. She’s only just met your daughter and it’s just chopping vegetables, not the entrance exam for Oxford for goodness sake. Give her a break. If you really want her to remember your daughter, buy her a voucher for a massage or something and volunteer to help with reading in class. Ask her what else you can do to make her job a little easier. It’s a tough gig being a teacher - they need support and encouragement, not parents having sleepless nights over tiny mix ups.

Is it possible to take your child to the parent teacher meeting to help avoid confusion in the future?

No it wouldn't. People sometimes look very alike. I said hello to someone at uni once and it wasn't her, it was actually her sister. Was I being racist?

If they were white would it be racist? If they were any other skin colour would it be racist?

OP
It happens. I'm fairly sure I once had a school report stating I was progressing well with clarinet. I have never touched a clarinet.

The sarcasm and faux concern is unnecessary.