Teacher mistake - how annoyed would you be?

[GruntGrunt]

DD "Alice" has just started reception. Her best friend "Jane" has the same skin, hair and eye colour as her, and is a similar height. The also sit on the same table (tables are determined by skill level).

During parents evening the teacher slipped up and referred to her as Jane. We pointed this out and the teacher apologised and corrected herself. Later in the conversation the teacher mentioned that Alice had been really good at chopping vegetables when making soup in forest school. We said we thought she'd been off sick that week but the teacher said it must have been the week before and insisted that the photos were on the ap they use.

We just checked the photos and they're of Jane!!

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed? Shall I email the teacher and if so what shall I say? She seems like a great teacher otherwise and is really lovely so I don't want to have a go at her, but this has really upset me! And who knows whether any of the other feedback she gave related to Jane instead of Alice?!

Why are you bringing in the racism card? It is still early days in the school calendar and if the teacher has 30 children, she may still be learning all the names etc. I taught identical twins and even their mother could not tell them apart, only they could. For goodness sake.

I agree with this.

Honestly, teachers are human, it’s been a long half term, you have no real concerns, the teacher seems nice, and (so far) this was a one off. But I do only ever really complain about stuff, any stuff, if it happens on a few occasions and is a real concern.

You wait til they get to secondary. My then experience is that you sit in front of multiple teachers, most of whom clearly have no real idea who your child is!

My son has the same name as another older child in his school (surname spelled ever so slightly differently but sounds the same). I sort of know the other child because he went to the primary where I teach.

Last year I had a phone call from the school nurse to say that my son had hurt his ankle while playing football and could I come and pick him up and take him to A&E. I left work in a fluster and drove to school only to realise that it wasn’t my son at all; it was the other boy. The school nurse was so upset and apologetic. Again, I genuinely wasn’t upset/cross. No harm was done, it was totally human error.

Now, anytime I ring for anything, or they ring me, I basically have to go through an identity check before they talk to me!

Omg, that is so me. Retired teacher here.
This happened to me practically every year of my career.
I can see how annoyed parents would be, but honestly it's just a name thing.
Like you, face to face I could tell you loads about each child, but names......no.

It they aren’t minority ethnic or they are the same ethnicity as the teacher, then you’ll have to find somewhere else to lever in nasty your accusations of racism.

This happens all the time in school. It is far more common than many parents realise. My friend was a reception teacher who used to say that every year she would have about 4 or 5 girls (blonde for your info @dontmalbeconme) in her class who she got mixed up until about Christmas. In secondary it is even worse because you teach about 200 children every year.

I don't think being 'only 6 weeks in' is a good enough excuse. If the teacher is struggling with remembering names of kids still she should be getting them to wear sticky labels with their names, she could do it for the whole class. My DDs teacher certainly appears to know every child.

Being asked to do a parents evening very early in the term seems a bit silly. The teacher will barely know the children yet, which is what you're seeing. They're reception too, meaning not known around the school.

Give the teacher a chance to get bedded in.

And yes, make your DD more easily identifiable. If you don't want to cut her hair, put it in a very different style. Make her clearly distinct.

Would you say that if both girls are white but very similar? My DD and two of her friends at secondary are constantly muddled up by staff. They are white, wear glasses, similar hair, all quite academic, nerdy. If people look similar, and skin colour or ethnic appearance is one of way of that happening, they can mixed up. I'm a teacher too and I bloody hate this assumption / fear that there's racism in every slip of tongue or memory.

You asked for a tactful email, OP, here are my two cents!

I would be pretty annoyed about this but would then think what I wanted from the situation, how to drive the point home so that it doesn't happen again, and then reason myself into giving the teacher a bit of grace. I think this would be my conclusion:

"Dear [teacher]

Thanks for taking the time to speak to us on [day of parents' evening]. It was good to meet you.

Following our conversation about Alice (and Jane!) we had a bit of a look at the photos of forest school food chopping you directed us to and, unfortunately, they were indeed of Jane rather than Alice. As I say, we had thought that Alice was off that day.

Of course we appreciate that it's a new school year and that you will still be getting to know the children (and that Jane and Alice look very similar!) but it's important to us to be sure that we are receiving feedback relating to Alice rather than Jane so that we can support all your efforts appropriately at home.

Given the general mix up, please can we request another meeting - perhaps a few weeks after half term - to briefly go over Alice's progress [particularly any concerns or special points you want to raise]? We're happy to work around dates that suit you.

I hope you have good and restful half term plans!

Many thanks

[You]"

I think this has the benefit of allowing her time to observe your child's progress for a few weeks before and after half term to have sensible things to say, gives you what you need, and also creates a little bit more work/inconvenience for her (justifiably!) which may make the message stick!

Good luck.

I mean, I mix up my own kids names a lot of the time 😂 and I remember at primary school, the teachers would often mix up me and my best friend because we were always together, even though we didn't really look alike. It happens.

It happens. What’s your ability to learn the names of maybe 30 children in a few weeks?

It’s only reception. Just relax.

It's hard to get to grips with all those names and faces, it's not even half term yet. Keep pointing out errors by all means though it will help in the long run.

By the time I'd been teaching for 30 years I was calling children by their parents' names as I'd also taught them. The children thought it was hilarious.

I’m with you OP, it would annoy me a bit too. Teachers should definitely take the time in the first week to get to know the children they teach! I can’t imagine sitting down with a parent and getting them mixed up with another child, especially after 7 weeks!

People seem so relaxed over this.

the teacher has the job to know who she is teaching. Imagine if your boss mixed up you and your work colleague all the time. Thought they did your good works. Thought you were the one slacking off. Gave you the promotion they deserved. Gave them the pay rise you deserved. Basically didn’t have a clue who was performing at what level because they write down the wrong person in their review notes

The "race card" only exists in a racist's mind.

I’d be upset with this too.

its not a slip up is it. She doesn’t know who your daughter is and is giving you feedback about a different child.

A colleague of mine once got one boys name wrong so often it became a running joke between them for his whole time at school. She even wrote ‘Good Luck, David’ on his leavers shirt. She was obviously very aware by that point that his name was Richard!

Sometimes if you ‘learn’ a name wrong at the beginning of term, it can take absolutely bloody ages to re-learn it!

6 weeks is a long time tbh, assuming it’s not a job share she sees these kids all day 5 days a week.

I would be surprised if this happened to me OP, but probably wouldn’t see much point in complaining. I think it’s a reasonable expectation to want your child’s teacher to know what your child has been up to, and this one doesn’t yet!

I had two very similar looking girls last year, they were extremely close friends and their names started with the same letter. I knew those girls inside out, I knew who needed support where, what they were amazing at, what their favourite books and pets and Roblox games were. Could I say the right name to the parents? I messed up a number of times and was absolutely mortified every time.

Exactly.

I would cut the teacher a bit of slack as this is the first term back from the start of a new school year. How someone can bring racism into the equation is appalling.

There are 2 children in my class and I previously taught their older siblings. I am constantly calling them by the older siblings names and they respond to them as well. I wouldn’t say anything. The teacher will be mortified at her mistake.

PFB by any chance?
Don't worry you'll have it all to go through again in 6 years when she starts high school!

The teacher has known your child for 5 weeks.
she’s probably having to get to know 30 other children at the same time and cope with her ever increasing workload!
give her a break -she’s probably mentally and physically exhausted and no doubt very embarrassed at the mistake she has made.

A few points from my teacher perspective (secondary so different I know)

How far through parents evening were you? Honestly 2 hours in, of constant talking, it all starts to blur a bit.
I mix up children all the time, sometimes they look similar and sometimes wildly different. I know the child but not always the right name.
I am much better with the child in front of me, rather than parents and a list of names. Even worse online. I print photos but that isn’t the same.
Sometimes kids really do look similar, pair of boys looked like twins in year 7 - not related at all. Looked totally different by year 11.

Most schools now reception will have only been full time for around 2 weeks! Some primary schools near me won't even be full time until after ½ term!