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Original poster

Teacher mistake - how annoyed would you be?

249 replies

GruntGrunt · 16/10/2025 22:00

DD "Alice" has just started reception. Her best friend "Jane" has the same skin, hair and eye colour as her, and is a similar height. The also sit on the same table (tables are determined by skill level).

During parents evening the teacher slipped up and referred to her as Jane. We pointed this out and the teacher apologised and corrected herself. Later in the conversation the teacher mentioned that Alice had been really good at chopping vegetables when making soup in forest school. We said we thought she'd been off sick that week but the teacher said it must have been the week before and insisted that the photos were on the ap they use.

We just checked the photos and they're of Jane!!

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed? Shall I email the teacher and if so what shall I say? She seems like a great teacher otherwise and is really lovely so I don't want to have a go at her, but this has really upset me! And who knows whether any of the other feedback she gave related to Jane instead of Alice?!

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SpidersAreShitheads · 17/10/2025 03:29

I disagree with lots of PP on this thread. I absolutely DO think this is an issue.

Teachers forgetting names, the wrong name coming out - no harm done and completely understandable.

A teacher who can’t remember which pupil did which task and gives the wrong feedback to the wrong parents - definitely not ok.

A teacher’s role is to understand the aptitude and achievements of each child so they can support them with further learning. How is that possible when you’re mixing up what two different children have done?!

It makes parents evening utterly pointless if you’re sat there listening to feedback about a totally different child that the teacher insists was yours!

I was school governor/acting head of governors for 5 years+ and I can say that this would have been considered unacceptable in our primary school.

Hedgehogbrown · 17/10/2025 03:33

Oh god. I teach swimming and there are 2 girls there who look exactly alike, especially when wearing goggles and with wet hair. I can only tell them apart by their swimming costumes, which are also very similar. I will just never tell them apart to be honest, not unless I use all my effort during the class to remember or look for clues. You are acting crazy. Telling someone to be better at telling people apart doesn't really help. That's like telling someone off for forgetting what colour your eyes are, and thinking that will help them remember. It won't!

Larryfell · 17/10/2025 03:53

dontcomeatme · 16/10/2025 22:22

Why FFS? If its a predominantly white school/class and these are the only 2 black kids, or kids of colour, then that would be racism wouldn't it?

Show quote history

What about if it’s a predominantly black school and they’re two white kids. Would you be so upset then?

onetrickrockingpony · 17/10/2025 05:03

These responses seem mad to me. From what OP has said this is more than misspeaking a name, the teacher has got the children mixed up and doesn’t know who is who. What’s the point of a 6 week progress meeting if she doesn’t know who she’s talking about…

YouCantProveIt · 17/10/2025 05:09

NorthenAdventure · 16/10/2025 23:37

Oh fgs. Of course she's not racist.

And I'm a teacher too. I called a boy the wrong name yesterday TWICE. I've taught him for 3 years in a row. I know his name, but sometimes I just get mixed up. He laughed. I laughed and apologised. I did it again later that lesson and we both laughed and I apologised again. We've moved on. You should too.

Some children though have taken me AGES to get to know their names. It's genuinely hard sometimes. I'd advise you to help the teacher out by sending your daughter in in something that more obviously differentiates her from the other girl - maybe a big red bow in her hair every day.

My thoughts too.

Six weeks in, two kids alike in class of 25 and a slip up over something? Not ideal but not worth a lot of conflict.

You want the teacher to differentiate your daughter. Help her! Big red bow. Or always two plaits or whatever.

Be a charming parent and talk about specific thing re your daughter to teacher on arrival, whatever it takes to get positive attention for her.

Said as a parent of twins.

Sugargliderwombat · 17/10/2025 05:23

I am a reception teacher and I think the issue isn't that she mixes up the kids it's that she ALSO mixes up you guys. I've had this situation with parents and seperately with children but to have it with both must be really frustrating.

I think you should tell the teacher you went back and the photos are of Jane. I imagine she will die of embarrassment.

If your child is a wallflower I would voice your wider concerns that she is being mixed up witg another child.

thornbury · 17/10/2025 05:33

I taught a lovely girl in year 2 and then a couple of years later, her brother was in my year 2 class. I obviously had no difficulty telling them apart, but for months every time I looked at him my brain wanted to say her name!!

Marchitectmummy · 17/10/2025 05:36

dontmalbeconme · 16/10/2025 22:09

Are "Alice" and "Jane" both of the same minority ethnicity? If so, I'd be concerned about some underlying racism.

So hang on if the two children are white, no issue it's just a slip of the tongue, if the two children are not it's racism?

This thinking is not helpful and frankly damaging to both the teacher and potentially a family.

Not everything is about race. I'm mixed race myself before that's the next conclusion you jump to.

OP I wouldn't worry about the mix up but maybe try to find out how your child is actually doing. It's still quite early in the year and assuming your child is new to the teacher they may muddle up, I have 5 girls and manage to muddle things up so imagine having 20 or 20!

Solyaire · 17/10/2025 05:44

GruntGrunt · 17/10/2025 00:30

To be clear, while I'm not dismissing the fact that something like this could be caused by racism, I'm really not accusing this teacher of being racist.

Oh OP, you really do not like conflict. You didn’t respond directly but I am taking that in fact Alice and Jane are of a monitory race.

She has made a serious mistake, saying your child was there when she was not is a big one, not only for the feedback point, but what happens if Jane or Alice are allergic to something, or there’s a medical need that needs support from the school and the teacher keeps mixing them up? Not sure if that’s even a possibility, but I would be very angry because she was doubling down on the pictures being on the app.

It is OK to also think about the implications of speaking up, you want the teacher to treat your kid well but think about the risks of not speaking up.

Mapletree1985 · 17/10/2025 05:46

It's pretty early in the year; it's an easy to mistake to make. I used to refer to my sons by each other's names when I wasn't thinking. Really not worth getting one's knickers in a twist over.

Mapletree1985 · 17/10/2025 05:51

I work in a very white majority school, and it's the white girls who look so like each other with their long blond hair parted in the middle and their identical clothes that I find difficult to tell apart.

Thortour · 17/10/2025 05:51

I would probably get a life and recognise people are human.

pinkbackground · 17/10/2025 06:01

Easy mistake to make at this point in the school year. Teacher may be overwhelmed by the job so mistakes happen. Give it more time.

Thepossibility · 17/10/2025 06:06

At the same age my DS has a best friend that looked similar to him in his class. Half his school report slipped into the other kids name. We did nothing but have a chuckle. Teachers have a lot on their plate.

pollyglot · 17/10/2025 06:16

Oh, FFS! Anything else you want to beat the teacher with? How precious are you.

Solyaire · 17/10/2025 06:18

Thortour · 17/10/2025 05:51

I would probably get a life and recognise people are human.

Haha, why are you so rude so early on a Friday?

TheaBrandt1 · 17/10/2025 06:22

How old is the teacher? Because if she’s early 50s definitely cut her some slack I can barely remember my own kids names.

Hercisback1 · 17/10/2025 06:24

I feel for the teacher if you speak to her. She will feel awful and you will sour a relationship over something (at this point of the year) pretty minor.

I confuse my own kids names so probably where I'm coming from!

You also have a long road ahead of you if you pick up every time a teacher makes a minor mistake. We are all human.

Wait til you see the Y7 tech teacher who teaches 600 kids a year. Not a chance they know your child 🤣.

Hollietree · 17/10/2025 06:26

My daughter looked very alike another girl in her reception class. I would often get Tapestry photo updates saying “Sarah is enjoying painting” and it would be a photo of her very similar looking friend. We just used to laugh about it.

1 Teacher. 30 kids. Most people don’t have incredible memories and accidents can easily happen……. like who was absent on the day they were chopping veg a couple of weeks ago.

In fact - after sports day in year one I showed a video to my daughter of her winning a running race. And she said no Mum that’s not me in the video, that’s my friend. I was in the race before 😂. Even I muddled them up myself!

CrinaCara · 17/10/2025 06:29

Fishingboatbobbingnight · 16/10/2025 22:25

If the teacher is from a different race/ethnicity from your child then this is not necessarily any form of racism. It’s just a well documented psychological and perceptual phenomenon known as the “other-race effect” (or “cross-race effect”). It’s been observed across many different ethnic and racial groups.

People generally find it harder to recognize or differentiate faces from ethnic/racial groups other than their own, and better at distinguishing faces within their own group. For example:

Chinese people may have more difficulty telling apart African or European faces.
White people may have more difficulty telling apart East Asian faces.
African people may have more difficulty telling apart East Asian or European faces.
This isn’t one-way or based on bias alone — it’s a universal cognitive pattern.

⬆️ This. I can't believe some of the posts in this thread.

Globules · 17/10/2025 06:33

It became a running joke with Ben and Harry that I always got their names muddled. For years. I just couldn't get the right name to stick with the right boy.

Kidsgotothatschool · 17/10/2025 06:33

Teacher here and I actually understand why you’re upset @GruntGrunt

My first parents evenings as a parent were a huge deal for me and I really wanted to understand where my child was at and hear that they were as wonderful as I clearly believed they were. It was natural. So this would have absolutely thrown me.

It is a deal for you and I understand it.

I’ve also not made this mistake as a teacher and would be mortified if I did. And pretty upset as it wouldn’t be deliberate (or racist). I have never known a teacher particularly in EYFS who doesn’t do the job because they love and value the children and I’m sure she’d be so upset.

So I would probably leave it and ask for a quick catch up nearer Christmas to see how my daughter was doing.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 17/10/2025 06:33

As a mother of twins, I get the interchangeability thing. I think because I’ve had it in every parents evening it’s really obvious but whilst it’s lovely to imagine teachers are treating all 20+ as individuals but I don’t think they do. They clump children based on ability/ behaviour. There’s a lot of copy and pasting in “individual” report cards too.

It will get easier as time goes on but that’s because your expectations ve lessen.

TheaBrandt1 · 17/10/2025 06:33

Know some teachers at the local large boys school socially and when I asked if they knew dds boyfriend who was at their school they said no and reassured me the fact they didn’t know his name was actually a good thing! It’s the nightmare ones that names stand out for senior teachers apparently

MrsToothyBitch · 17/10/2025 06:47

I'd be pretty annoyed tbh. The teacher used to mix me up with the girl sat next to me in year 2. We didn't look that alike - certain different hair, and I didn't find it funny then, either.

That said, it doesn't seem malicious and it's still early on in the year. Give it time.