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Original poster

Draconian punishments year 1

106 replies

Mama2Tas · 01/10/2025 22:39

Monday last week my daughter aged 5 "didnt have her listening ears on" so she was sent to stand in the coridoor (alone) but the deputy head happened to be there (doing her own work) when my daughter got there from being sent out of the hall where she was having PE. The main head then happened to walk passed and told my daughter off having identifed that she was in some sort of trouble hence standing in the coridoor. Quite understandable in my opinion you're being disruptive and not listening and thats not good behaviour, (except for the fact that it seems if the deputy head wasnt there then she would have been standing in the coridoor alone which doesnt seem safe at the age of 5 but I do understand that there was some sort of consequence to be had).

She was later taken to the classroom with all the other children where they got there coats and then went for playtime except my daughter who was made to stand against the wall for the entire playtime 15 minutes. She was after that at pick up made to stand and tell me everything that happened and she was looking down and embarrassed for sure.

I asked for a meeting the next day and the school teacher initially failed to tell the head the second part of the punishment she arranged for my daughter so the head had to go away again and ask her. She denied it was the entire play and states "it was only 5 minutes" which I did say I didnt think was necessary but wasnt able to call her a liar even though I had doubts because of her secrecy about it in the first place plus the fact she said to my daughter on pick up "if you do good listening then you dont have to get frustrated that you miss your play".

In between all this time i discovered another child was involved and spoke to his mum. She confirmed that whilst she had been called by the teacher to say he "didn't do good listening" she wasnt told about the wall punishment at all and she was equally upset. She asked her son (tactfully to describe what happened and he corroborates my daughters version of events plus another child who has been asked very casually by her mum to guage her response (so as not to sway her reply) confirmed it was the entire play and she wasnt allowed to play even for 1 minute.

This has raised two problems for me a) an issue of disproportionate disciplinary measures plus b) concerns that there are lies being told and cover ups from others etc.

Additionally out of nowhere Monday she wet herself at home in the kitchen and Tuesday, (which was the last day I let her attend) wet herself at school and was sent home in spare clothes. We haven't had such instances of weeing like this for ages and the last time she randomly started weeing was due to our house move so I conclude it was triggered by stress related to this incident.

When I had a meeting (ive had 2 so far the first was when the head hadn't been informed about the extended punishment and the second was after she spoke to the teacher who made her aware about the second part of the punishment and id also had new information from the witness confirming what she said about the 5 minutes not being true) the head teacher replied to me saying "I have a witness who corroborates my daughters story" by saying "I have several members of staff who corroborate my teachers version of events" which I interpret as her saying its your word against ours whilst also suggesting that 5 minutes against the wall was ok when I dont think the punishment should have been extended to the playground at all. I thought at that age it wasnt about punishing but guiding and positive reinforcements etc? Absolutely zero acknowledgement of it being wrong has taken place. They have asked me to attend a meeting Friday but even the last email states "all our staff have regular safeguarding updates" which I feel is still upholding the fact that they are all fully trained and free from error in this instance.

Ive pulled her out of this school but there is a waiting time for new placement and im panicking that taking her out is going to disrupt her further. Im genuinely feeling quite lost and upset. Am I doing the right thing? Please dont be horrible I feel extremely anxious as it is

OP posts:
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Spinmerightroundbaby · 03/10/2025 18:16

padronpepper · 01/10/2025 23:06

Move school!

Totally. I think you did the right thing here. Even though children’s versions of events can be mixed, the distress she’s showing is real. Something isn’t right in the school.

Pres11 · 03/10/2025 18:25

You’ve done the right thing to remove her. I’ve been in this position myself before. Please be happy with your decision! You’re being a good mum x

Askingforafriendtoday · 03/10/2025 18:52

Mama2Tas · 01/10/2025 23:04

To add she just turned 5 August 12th and one of the youngest in her year. In reception last school year I sent about 4 emails asking them to help me observe her behaviour because i felt she shown signs of ADHD. They didnt reply to a single communication but at the first sign of her not "having her listening ears on" in year 1 shes up against this level of punishment. It is an isolated incident as well because I suggested we consider a behavioural plan and the reply was "oh we wouldnt even think of that yet its only a one off" so why so serious im thinking ?

Edited

Thos is terrible OP. I really feel for you and your little girl

ZiggyZowie · 03/10/2025 19:02

Mama2Tas · 01/10/2025 22:39

Monday last week my daughter aged 5 "didnt have her listening ears on" so she was sent to stand in the coridoor (alone) but the deputy head happened to be there (doing her own work) when my daughter got there from being sent out of the hall where she was having PE. The main head then happened to walk passed and told my daughter off having identifed that she was in some sort of trouble hence standing in the coridoor. Quite understandable in my opinion you're being disruptive and not listening and thats not good behaviour, (except for the fact that it seems if the deputy head wasnt there then she would have been standing in the coridoor alone which doesnt seem safe at the age of 5 but I do understand that there was some sort of consequence to be had).

She was later taken to the classroom with all the other children where they got there coats and then went for playtime except my daughter who was made to stand against the wall for the entire playtime 15 minutes. She was after that at pick up made to stand and tell me everything that happened and she was looking down and embarrassed for sure.

I asked for a meeting the next day and the school teacher initially failed to tell the head the second part of the punishment she arranged for my daughter so the head had to go away again and ask her. She denied it was the entire play and states "it was only 5 minutes" which I did say I didnt think was necessary but wasnt able to call her a liar even though I had doubts because of her secrecy about it in the first place plus the fact she said to my daughter on pick up "if you do good listening then you dont have to get frustrated that you miss your play".

In between all this time i discovered another child was involved and spoke to his mum. She confirmed that whilst she had been called by the teacher to say he "didn't do good listening" she wasnt told about the wall punishment at all and she was equally upset. She asked her son (tactfully to describe what happened and he corroborates my daughters version of events plus another child who has been asked very casually by her mum to guage her response (so as not to sway her reply) confirmed it was the entire play and she wasnt allowed to play even for 1 minute.

This has raised two problems for me a) an issue of disproportionate disciplinary measures plus b) concerns that there are lies being told and cover ups from others etc.

Additionally out of nowhere Monday she wet herself at home in the kitchen and Tuesday, (which was the last day I let her attend) wet herself at school and was sent home in spare clothes. We haven't had such instances of weeing like this for ages and the last time she randomly started weeing was due to our house move so I conclude it was triggered by stress related to this incident.

When I had a meeting (ive had 2 so far the first was when the head hadn't been informed about the extended punishment and the second was after she spoke to the teacher who made her aware about the second part of the punishment and id also had new information from the witness confirming what she said about the 5 minutes not being true) the head teacher replied to me saying "I have a witness who corroborates my daughters story" by saying "I have several members of staff who corroborate my teachers version of events" which I interpret as her saying its your word against ours whilst also suggesting that 5 minutes against the wall was ok when I dont think the punishment should have been extended to the playground at all. I thought at that age it wasnt about punishing but guiding and positive reinforcements etc? Absolutely zero acknowledgement of it being wrong has taken place. They have asked me to attend a meeting Friday but even the last email states "all our staff have regular safeguarding updates" which I feel is still upholding the fact that they are all fully trained and free from error in this instance.

Ive pulled her out of this school but there is a waiting time for new placement and im panicking that taking her out is going to disrupt her further. Im genuinely feeling quite lost and upset. Am I doing the right thing? Please dont be horrible I feel extremely anxious as it is

Your poor daughter

In my experience ( 5 grown up kids) the school staff do lie and cover for each other.

Im afraid to say we had a lot of issues.

5 is young yet, I sent mine to school at 6 yrs There's plenty time and they won't miss out. They will still get 7 primary years etc no matter when they start.
2 of mine coped with the school but the other three I started later ended up moving 2 of them because they were SEN and the school couldn't cope with them .

Do what's best for your child

freakingscared · 03/10/2025 19:03

Wow 😮 sorry that abuse ! Take this all the way up because that is abuse

Pandaghost · 03/10/2025 19:09

Regardless of whether it was 5 minutes or the whole of break, she had already been punished by being sent out. What was the need for her to miss any of break as well? This seems disproportionate for a lapse in listening. I'd definitely ask for the behaviour policy.

newnamehereonceagain · 03/10/2025 19:11

She shouldn’t have been left outside the class on her own at age 5.

Sandyshandy · 03/10/2025 19:15

What was the behaviour that led to this? If it was not listening but looking out of the window that is very different from not listening and carrying on doing something dangerous when told to stop.

Mcoco · 03/10/2025 19:18

I work in a primary school as a teaching assistant. Nobody is ever removed from the class aged 5 for all of break. I hate to say this but sometimes teachers forget the child has been asked to leave the classroom and is still in the corridor. I have seen this happen to an older child.

Yes you did the right thing awful school.

Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 03/10/2025 19:18

Hello.

Sorry if it's been mentioned, but have you reported this to the chair of governors?

This is the route that you usually take if you need to make a complaint about a head teacher. Absolutely vile treatment. I would be livid.

Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 03/10/2025 19:19

Threaten to report it to the local papers too, they will shir themselves.

Flakey99 · 03/10/2025 19:21

I could just about imagine a severe sanction if she’d done something extremely dangerous or caused physical harm to another child but simply day dreaming?
Bloody hell OP.
Have you somehow been transported back to the 1950’s?

Lots of children that age struggle to focus for long periods of time and will stop listening. As do many adults!

I’m glad you’ve taken her out of that school.

cuberoot · 03/10/2025 19:52

Move schools NOW.

cuberoot · 03/10/2025 19:52

Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 03/10/2025 19:19

Threaten to report it to the local papers too, they will shir themselves.

This! And don't threaten, just do it

GooglieWooglyWooglyWooglyWoo · 03/10/2025 19:53

This is just horrible. The fact they cover up things like that would make me completely lose trust in them. And without that, how can you feel comfortable sending your child there?

Hellogoodbyehowdoyoudo · 03/10/2025 19:53

cuberoot · 03/10/2025 19:52

This! And don't threaten, just do it

Show quote history

Agreed.

pastapestoparmesan · 03/10/2025 20:13

I teach Year 1. When children don’t listen I praise those who are listening and then switch my teaching method, have a quick brain break, sing a song…. They’re 5 years old! Some teachers have such weird power trips with small children. I taught PE today, one child sat out (stayed in the room) for about 30 seconds so I could ensure safety. He and 3 others didn’t get a reward point. No drama, everyone learned some skipping skills.

OhMaria2 · 03/10/2025 20:14

padronpepper · 01/10/2025 23:06

Move school!

This! Year one used to be Reception Plus. Its a ridiculous boot camp now in many schools.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 03/10/2025 20:34

Poor kid, she was only 3 for most of the summer. Doesn’t sound ready for school.

Shesasupergirlbut · 03/10/2025 20:41

I've worked in a few schools and I will say that teachers/staff members always stick together, regardless of what it is about. I didn't like it when I was teaching, and I disliked it even more as a parent.

Zapx · 03/10/2025 20:51

Good grief that’s appalling. And we wonder why so many kids have school refusal. Don’t send her back!

Wildefish · 03/10/2025 21:23

Maddy70 · 02/10/2025 08:58

Several points I would make
5 year old accounts are very unreliable.

She was given time out , the head teacher was there too so she wasn't alone

Standing against the wall for whole of break , I bet it was just a couple of minutes, it probably seemed like an eternity to her

You are right to find out what actually happened

my 5 year old grandson would give a better account than I would in most circumstances.

Original poster
Mama2Tas · 03/10/2025 21:27

Pres11 · 03/10/2025 18:25

You’ve done the right thing to remove her. I’ve been in this position myself before. Please be happy with your decision! You’re being a good mum x

Im so sorry that youve been in this situation before. Its the waiting around for a new placement that is taking its toll. Im now worried she is perceiving that all this has happened because she didn't do good listening. Yesterday she sat there and said "I hope she doesn't know" and then she asked if her friend could join her at the fair. And I was like "you hope she doesnt know what" and she just sat there as if in thought. So im now thinking she means i hope my friend doesn't know ive been naughty 😪 as if shes some sort of criminal. Could be over worrying i know but she also misses her friends so it does seem as if she loses out on lots of things because this stupid teacher doesnt know how to handle and escalate issues properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mama2Tas · 03/10/2025 21:31

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/10/2025 23:21

I think you are doing the right thing to move your dd, @Mama2Tas. I would say one thing - toileting accidents, even in children who are completely reliable, do happen when they start school - so it is possible the accident at school was simply a reaction to starting school, and might not mean she is stressed about the punishment.

I do think the punishment was completely OTT, and I do hope it hasn’t affected your dd as badly as you are worried it has.

I know what you mean but she had been at school almost 2 weeks at this point with no toileting issues and then suddenly the day it all happened she wet herself at home in the kitchen as we got home and the next day at school as I collected her in spare clothes and shes been off since then with no further episodes of wetting herself since the Thursday. So it appears to me to be directly linked.

OP posts:
Speckly · 03/10/2025 21:49

As a teacher, please report everything you’ve said here to Ofsted. They will do an unannounced safeguarding visit.

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