Daughter having to change in school making me anxious

[amy12464]

Up until now the children wear their pe kit to school but from September they will have to change in school. She’s turning 7 soon and I’ve been teaching her about autonomy and privacy. She knows when she goes anywhere or even grandparents to go in another room and change. I feel like not only will this set her back but possibly be distressing as she doesn’t like to change around anyone. Never mind a whole classroom. I haven’t confirmed if it will be in a classroom but their bathrooms are small so I can’t see any other possibility. I’m wondering what my options are if I expressed my feelings to her teacher

Kindly, I think you are over thinking it. Changing in school is very normal and doesn’t have to be a big deal.

What’s your concern?

Previously in PE girls and boys would swap around rooms to be separated by sex. Your daughter would then only be around other girls changing. Normally it's a quick process so there's no time to stop and feel awkward, underwear of course stays on. At worst they mix socks up. You could check if it will be like this.

She’ll be fine. Best to get used to it at primary ready for secondary! Ours change together from Reception upwards.

DD wears a vest under her polo for some
of the year (not May-July or September) so she’s not that exposed. Besides it’s communal changing at swimming lessons too.

You can teach body autonomy and consent but also that it’s ok to get changed - one doesn’t exclude the other. I’m sure if her friends get on with it she will too.

They do separate boy and girl changing at ours from Year 5 up but mixed until Year 4. I just encourage DD to change her top half and then her bottom half as her PE T shirt is long. There’s no need to run about in just her pants.

Changing into PE kit use to be the norm in school. I wish it still was at my school, as it's a skill they use to master in Reception. Now it's one so many children struggle with in terms of independence, as so many are still not use to dressing themselves and looking after their own belongings way into KS1.

Don't make it into a big thing, as it's really not. Children can still be taught about privacy and modesty whilst changing in the presence of other people (which really isn't that unusual). Remind her to keep her underwear on, and change quickly so she's not stood there chatting in just her underwear etc. Tell her to change one half at a time, so only one part of her body is temporarily exposed at a time. Remind her to grant other people the same privacy that she expects herself, so focus on changing rather than looking around the room at others etc. It really doesn't need to be a big thing.

Weird!

My DS has never got changed for PE in primary or secondary school. There’s just no need for it.

I think I’d refuse to allow it if it was me and hope that other parents pick up the message and follow suit and change the policy back to what it was.

is this in the UK?

Because our school is tiny they don’t have rigid PE days, they do PE whenever they like although they have nominally set days, so they don’t do the “wear PE kit to school thing”.

PE kit stays in school all the time and comes home to wash every half term and in between if needed.

There’s only 65 kids though 4-11 so it’s not difficult to get them changed. They feel it’s very important for Reception to learn it.

In secondary school? Do they wear their PE kit all day?? Isn’t that a bit gross - what about in winter? Isn’t it all muddy and wet from rugby/football in the rain?

She never got changed in a communal changing room? Not for swimming etc?

Ensure it is only girls changing together, nothing else.

She'll be fine, it's really normal for a lot of schools. Just put her in a vest and short knickers if you think it will help.

Really? In the UK?

At our primary & secondary, they just split in to groups by sex, and change in separate rooms.

I think the OP is worrying unnecessarily. Her dd will just join in with all the other girls if it is expected. Most people wouldn't bat an eye.

Your reaction is ott and you are projecting your anxiety. Why do you think this is an issue? Often ks1 change all together as it is easier to supervise, an individual child may be more vulnerable. Just teach her to put skirt over shorts so she does not strip to knickers and wear a vest. If they go swimming that is also likely ti be communal possibly with parent volunteers helping.

Do you have some trauma from your own childhood of getting changed for PE op because this sounds like an extreme worry. She isn't going to suddenly start accepting being naked in front of all and sundry because she gets changed for PE at school.

It's very common in schools that kids change for PE but I guess if your dc began school in covid and the school has been slow in returning to pre covid conditions then you might not be used to this and find it unusual.....but surely you did the same when you were at school?

I agree, OP be careful you don’t cause her to be anxious about school or about sport. You sound over anxious yourself about a perfectly normal part of school life.

It's totally normal in the UK for kids to change for PE at school. I know some countries do it differently but the going into school in PE kit only really came in during/after covid. High school PE kit would be to cold, wet and smelly if they didn't change. It's bad enough going into a classroom of teenagers after they have had PE even when they do change, they really smell. 😕

OP, please don’t follow this daft advice. It’s completely normal to change for PE - if you don’t make it a big issue then neither will she.

That is so strange? How did she do PE in school without wearing PE clothes?

Was it a Catholic school?

They don’t get naked! They keep their best and pants on which looks no different to a swimsuit. Get a grip, OP.

This issue has never entered my head even with grandparents. Sorry but it sounds like you have caused the problem she will have.

I have never known any school that you wear your PE kit and not get changed. Apart from when there is a heatwave

My dc wear vests on pe days plus bigger pants, girl boxer ones as more coverage tbh.

I agree! My grandchildren spend half their time naked! I take them swimming and we share a big changing room. They sleep over and I give them a shower. They climb into our bed in the middle of the night!

Vest and cycling shorts are the solution.

What are you concerned about. Other than the fact that sooner or later they will all come home with the wrong trousers or similar leading to many class chat WhatsApp messages there’s no issue in a bunch of 7 year olds changing into gym kit together.