Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Daughter having to change in school making me anxious

101 replies

amy12464 · 25/08/2025 23:52

Up until now the children wear their pe kit to school but from September they will have to change in school. She’s turning 7 soon and I’ve been teaching her about autonomy and privacy. She knows when she goes anywhere or even grandparents to go in another room and change. I feel like not only will this set her back but possibly be distressing as she doesn’t like to change around anyone. Never mind a whole classroom. I haven’t confirmed if it will be in a classroom but their bathrooms are small so I can’t see any other possibility. I’m wondering what my options are if I expressed my feelings to her teacher

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Jk987 · 26/08/2025 08:13

Remember they are very young innocent children! Getting changed should be no big deal, it should be done quickly so they can get out there and have fun! It shouldn’t be a cause for worry and paranoia.

LittleBearPad · 26/08/2025 08:14

ChopsyHatesFungus · 26/08/2025 02:00

Weird!

My DS has never got changed for PE in primary or secondary school. There’s just no need for it.

I think I’d refuse to allow it if it was me and hope that other parents pick up the message and follow suit and change the policy back to what it was.

Thus sounds extremely unlikely

BitOutOfPractice · 26/08/2025 08:14

It sounds to me you haven’t taught her about bodily autonomy but about shame and embarrassment.

I think you need to change your messaging.

Iloveeverycat · 26/08/2025 08:15

Soontobe60 · 26/08/2025 08:08

I agree! My grandchildren spend half their time naked! I take them swimming and we share a big changing room. They sleep over and I give them a shower. They climb into our bed in the middle of the night!

Show quote history

Parents seem to be so over anxious these days. There are threads that parents say their child will never have a sleepover. When my DD was at primary she used to stay over with a good friend who was a boy shock horror.

Rubyupbeat · 26/08/2025 08:16

Gone are the days when pe was done in our vest and pants and bare feet. Not sure how wrong or right it was, but it didn't make us paranoid about our bodies.

Ohmygodthepain · 26/08/2025 08:16

ChopsyHatesFungus · 26/08/2025 02:00

Weird!

My DS has never got changed for PE in primary or secondary school. There’s just no need for it.

I think I’d refuse to allow it if it was me and hope that other parents pick up the message and follow suit and change the policy back to what it was.

Nope, I don't believe this at all.

I've worked in a number of secondary schools and ever one has required changing for PE. Kids can't go to science, or English, and sit in sweaty PE kit. It's absurd to imagine that they can NEVER get changed in school.

Op I'm all for body autonomy (after 15+ years of compulsory safeguarding training as well as PSHE lessons never mind dealing with literally thousands of teenagers in my time) but in secondary at least, the changing will be communal by sex (and I would expect the same in primary).

Going upstairs to change when grandparents visit is a courtesy rather than anything more sinister at this age. At school they will all be in their vests and pants, supervised by their teacher.

Iloveeverycat · 26/08/2025 08:19

Going upstairs to change when grandparents visit
I assumed this was when she was at grandparents house.

TheNightingalesStarling · 26/08/2025 08:25

Think about this logically... how are they ever going to use a sports changing room, or go on a school residential, or a camping trip with friends etc if they don't change in front of each other?

Completely different to getting naked in front of people.
Or changing front of people not changing.

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 26/08/2025 08:31

This is nuts!
Kids need to learn how to get changed.
Have those of you worrying about this never gotten changed for swimming or PE as children yourselves?
Stop projecting unnecessary anxiety onto your kids.

Sandyshandy · 26/08/2025 08:34

What is it you are worried about?
she will have her pants on - no different to being in a swimming costume. Please don’t teach her to be ashamed of her body.

when I taught primary I used to put a three minute timer on for changing - they are just thinking about themselves and getting changed. A teacher and probably a TA will be there, nothing worrying will happen. Amazingly even in year one they can change this quickly. Teens on the other hand…

She gradually needs to learn to change discretely - for on beaches, sports etc, but out of consideration and social norms not shame.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 26/08/2025 08:36

MissyB1 · 26/08/2025 07:35

I agree, OP be careful you don’t cause her to be anxious about school or about sport. You sound over anxious yourself about a perfectly normal part of school life.

Show quote history

Exactly this. You're the one with the anxiety, no need to put it on her.

PollyBell · 26/08/2025 08:36

If all the therapists got together and did a survey where would most of children's issues come from?

You are not teaching what you think you are

Hercisback1 · 26/08/2025 08:38

You've created this anxiety. The grandparents thing is totally wierd. My kids spent loads of time naked at grandparents. I think it's best she learns appropriate ways to change now, not be scared of her body.

Shmee1988 · 26/08/2025 08:42

ChopsyHatesFungus · 26/08/2025 02:00

Weird!

My DS has never got changed for PE in primary or secondary school. There’s just no need for it.

I think I’d refuse to allow it if it was me and hope that other parents pick up the message and follow suit and change the policy back to what it was.

Getting changed in school was the policy and has been for many, many years. It was only changed during covid. Its not a big deal.

Sandyshandy · 26/08/2025 08:43

OP - did you never get ready for a party with your friends? Have sleepovers? Or go camping? Or a spontaneous swim in your undies? Or give birth? Or get soaked by rain, fall over and change into dry clothes in a car park? Try on clothes with friends in shops? All of these things are normal and fun!

You haven’t thought this through logically.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 26/08/2025 08:43

My DC would happily spend most of their life naked if a) it was warm enough and b) I'd let them (I don't!).

They are definitely being taught body autonomy but mostly, the shy/private gene hasn't turned on yet (7).

Brickiscool · 26/08/2025 08:44

Why can't she change in front of grandparents?

Has she never changed in front of friends on a playdate into fancy dress? On the beach to go into the sea?

She's only little. I'm not sure why changing should cause you so much angst? You seem quite strange and projecting this onto her.

They don't get naked at school. Literally just switching outer layers. Not underwear. She can wear a vest

Ratafia · 26/08/2025 08:45

Does she wear swimsuits on the beach or when swimming? She won't be exposing any more than she does then.

If you are teaching her that no-one, male or female, must ever see any of her body unclothed, you really aren't doing her any favours.

Sandyshandy · 26/08/2025 08:48

Bodily autonomy doesn’t mean you are harmed by people seeing your body and need to be paranoid and ashamed. It means being confident in your body and being able to say no - identifying your individual boundaries. It means choosing what you do with your own body - hair style, piercings, medical treatments etc.

For some people it may mean never changing with others but it doesn’t need to.

Sandyshandy · 26/08/2025 08:52

IMO the key thing with bodily autonomy is consent - that you never say eg ‘give Aunty xxx a hug’, ‘give granny a kiss goodbye’ etc Even when tiny it should be their choice who they hug, kiss etc. You can of course say ‘say goodby to granny’ and then it’s up to her.

CreepyCoupe · 26/08/2025 08:54

It seems to me that you’ve been trying to make her feel awkward about something she shouldn’t be batting an eyelid about. Changing for PE and swimming will be part of her life for years. Don’t make a drama out of it.

user1492757084 · 26/08/2025 08:55

She'll be with all the other girls so safety in numbers.
All of her friends will be doing the same.
Maybe teach her not to stare at her friends' nudity.

Mischance · 26/08/2025 08:55

My children were often hurtling around at home in the nude in the summer at that age!!

I think you need to relax over all this. I am sure there are reasons for your anxiety but it is important you do not pass this on to her. It is an anxiety and not a normal worry.

Children develop a natural sense of modesty as time goes by. Relax and let this be.

The staff at school will have been supervising changing for decades. Trust them.

Prime imperative is to chill a bit over all this if you can, even if you find it hard. There is a lot at stake here ... instil a sense of shame and anxiety around her body and she will carry this with her for life. Please try for her sake.

MissyB1 · 26/08/2025 08:55

Rubyupbeat · 26/08/2025 08:16

Gone are the days when pe was done in our vest and pants and bare feet. Not sure how wrong or right it was, but it didn't make us paranoid about our bodies.

Ha ha I remember this well! Does anyone remember something called music and movement? Always done in the hall in vest and pants 😁
None of us thought anything of it!

mikado1 · 26/08/2025 08:58

Pp's example of a communal changing room is perfect. Surely she's been jn that situation wjth you. It's a group of same age peers. I don't see any issue but as everyone else has said your own anxiety is the issue and may effect her. Lots of little kids will be dancing around in their pants laughing at it all, comfortable in their own bodies.