Daughter having to change in school making me anxious

[amy12464]

Up until now the children wear their pe kit to school but from September they will have to change in school. She’s turning 7 soon and I’ve been teaching her about autonomy and privacy. She knows when she goes anywhere or even grandparents to go in another room and change. I feel like not only will this set her back but possibly be distressing as she doesn’t like to change around anyone. Never mind a whole classroom. I haven’t confirmed if it will be in a classroom but their bathrooms are small so I can’t see any other possibility. I’m wondering what my options are if I expressed my feelings to her teacher

My kids go in their pe kit but I used to change at school in a mixed classroom.
On PE days can she wear the shorts knickers that look more like tight boxers. and a crop top (one that goes under clothes) or vest.thats what we used to do in school rather than go full topless in front of the class which I would have hated.then she is no more naked when changing, than at the swimming baths.

My DC grew up in HK and they would wear PE kit to school in primary on PE days. The upside was that is was almost impossible to lose or mix up school uniform and PE kit. However, the massive downside is that if it rained even a bit PE would get cancelled to prevent them having to sit in wet clothes and trainers all day so there were months when it barely happened.

Omg did you go to my school?? I am still traumatised by this. I was in detention every week for refusing to let the pe teacher check i was naked before showering. I was hoping this was one pervy pe teacher not a countrywide atrocity.

My dc goes to a secondary school where they wear games clothes to school at least for the lower years. All outside sports are done in the afternoon and then they go straight home, so a different afternoon per year group. They are sitting in lessons in clean kit all morning. They never sit in dirty clothes. They do change for PE/gym sessions. The fields are used by a primary school in the morning.

I personally don't have an issue with them changing at school other than the lost kit but that is how they manage the dirt/ smell.

I'm amazed with the number of kids that wear pe kits to school and as parents you are ok with this. My son's comes home in a state i certainly wouldn't want him to be wearing whilst in lessons. Do these schools not do sports on a damp field or rain? Or gets the kids hot and sweaty. I'd be questioning the quality of the pe curriculum.

so he does PE in his school clothes? That’s weird!

This is a good solution for a smaller secondary school.

Yep!

We did Music and Movement in infant school in our vests and pants. Nobody batted an eyelid.

When we started Juniors, we wore a PE kit.

I always thought I was a precious Mum but I seriously think it's weird that anyone has a problem with kids getting changed together for PE when nobody at all is actually getting naked!!! Obviously separating them by sex from year 5 nowadays - in our day it was from year 7 as no kids in my class had started puberty in year 5.

When we got to year 6, we went to the cloakrooms to change with no teacher supervision.

Now what I think is REALLY weird is being forced to shower naked with our class with the PE teacher watching in years 7-9. This is at a time when everyone felt awkward about their changing bodies.

I think that is wrong and wouldn't happen now.

Thankfully, I moved schools and nobody was forced to have a shower at the new school!

I can't imagine never seeing my close female friends in their underwear. We used to go clothes shopping and try on clothes in the group changing room. We'd have sleepovers and get changed in front of each other.

At my best friend's wedding, as maid of honour, I had to hold up her wedding dress while she had a piss! Never did it before or since though! 😁

What was the situation with her getting changed for things like the nativity at Christmas?

Mine are both into dance and drama so even as tweens/teens are still getting changed communally backstage when performing in shows. The boys have a separate changing area.

Put her in shorts knickers and a vest , she will be fine , changing at school was the norm before Covid .

All children got changed communally before Covid. Does your child never wear a swimsuit? That's the same amount of coverage as vest and knickers! If you're really concerned about it then get her to wear cycling shorts under her uniform so she doesn't have to change her bottoms.

I think you are projecting your anxiety. There is nothing wrong with getting changed in communal changing rooms as long as single sex. Why would she need to hide away to do so.

primary schools usually segregate the sexes when changing from year 4 or 5 (age when puberty can start). Anyway, they aren’t naked for PE, they still have their underwear on.

what are you frightened of happening ?

I am a PE teacher in a secondary school. I have been teaching for 9 years. Over the years I have read many threads mentioning PE and have been nervous to comment as I know many have had bad experiences in the past. PE teachers do seem to get a bad rap but please let me reassure you that things are very different now. Obviously I can’t speak for every setting but for many PE teachers we want all of our students to enjoy being active and discover activities that they can continue through life. I personally am not elitist and I care for all of my students.

I went to school in the mid 2000s and did not have to shower after lessons etc and whilst I can imagine it was awful, I do think parents need to let that go now. When children are anxious about getting changed I do think parents think back to these experiences when the reality is that this has not been the case for some time.

At my current school we have single sex changing rooms. They are open plan with benches, 34 pegs and adjoining toilets (2 cubicles). In my career I have seen a huge increase in the number of students who have become incredibly body conscious and this makes me really sad. Many students (even students who may come across as very confident) will ‘go to the toilet’ to change their top or try to wear their kit over their uniform to avoid undressing. I’m unsure why it has become such a huge thing, to the point where students think that getting changed in front of others is weird. Obviously there have always been a couple who’ve not wanted to but now I’m talking 12 per class. Often when children join from primary school they cannot believe they are expected to get changed in front of others.

We do get parents ringing up to ask that their child gets changed separately but we just don’t have the facilities to accommodate this. Some ask for their child to be able to get changed in the toilet cubicles but this would leave no toilets to use, is far from hygienic and would lead to an influx of students also wanting to get changed in the toilet cubicles (there are 2!)

We do have one individual changing room in the building down a corridor. However, with an increase in transgender students this is often occupied. I don’t know the answer or why I’m posting really but thought I would post from a teacher’s perspective. I don’t know what the future looks like but as a society we need to work on helping our young people to be less body conscious. I do also appreciate when parents are rational about the fact that getting changed quickly in front of others isn’t that big of a deal (it shouldn’t be for most) and encourage their child, which is what it sounds like many on this thread do.

Skirt off, shorts on ... c. 5 seconds with pants on show.
Done!

Why are you talking about this To wind the op up more?

we are talking about 4 and 5 year olds changing out of one set of clothes into another. No nakedness. No trauma.

Not everyone on MN lives in the UK 😉
Other places do things differently.

Oh wow I really don’t expect so many comments. I think personally I had a very bad experience with this as a girl her age. I had to change in the classroom and I remember hating that boys around me could see my legs or body in the space of time I had to get changed. She’s used to her privacy when she’s getting changed so to go from that to having to change in a classroom with boys in it I worry will be a bit of a shock to her.

For the past year all the kids came into pe in their kit but their school recently became an academy so this was one of the new changes. I’m sure it will be fine but with kids being curious about each other around this age I just don’t want any boys bothering or commenting anything to her

I remember in primary school we changed with the rest of the class and only from year 5 did boys and girls seperate

It don’t matter! She’s still young. It would be different if she was 9-10 or older

She don’t want to change near no one cause you made her scared

do you also think every man is a pedo? 🙄

get help for your issues

Wait until the kids are older and they dont want to change in front of same sex kids.

I got mixed feelings about what your saying .

Bad things did happen in sleepovers when I was a kid in the 80s. One friend (8 yr old at the time) was rape by her best friends dad. I myself was attacked by the family dog and left to get on with it. Our parents didn’t think about Risks and we did not think to tell them about bad stuff that happened to us on sleepovers. Am glad times had changed ..

Just cause it worked for your DD it don’t mean mums want to even take that risk.

Just put her in clothes that are easy to manage and that she won’t feel half naked in. Definitely a vest. Don’t dress her in tights on PE days as they are a total faff. Then she can get dressed and undressed quickly. But you shouldn’t be putting your worries or insecurities on to her.

I teach year two. Anyone who wants to get changed in the toilets can but to be honest it’s more trouble than it’s worth because they take no notice of one another. In year three ours change in different rooms.

I loved music and movement. From memory I think we were all supposed to wear big navy blue pants and white vests.

Get her decent underwear and its fine - my oldest hates changing in communal rooms, so he wears longish boxers and a vest/r-shirt underneath - all good.
My youngest is the only boy in his sport (so doesn’t even get a communal changing room), he wears tight shorts and a fitted t-shirt under his uniform