Daughter having to change in school making me anxious

[amy12464]

Up until now the children wear their pe kit to school but from September they will have to change in school. She’s turning 7 soon and I’ve been teaching her about autonomy and privacy. She knows when she goes anywhere or even grandparents to go in another room and change. I feel like not only will this set her back but possibly be distressing as she doesn’t like to change around anyone. Never mind a whole classroom. I haven’t confirmed if it will be in a classroom but their bathrooms are small so I can’t see any other possibility. I’m wondering what my options are if I expressed my feelings to her teacher

Year 2 teacher here. The whole class will normally get changed together in the classroom. The children are 6/7 and I have never experienced any problems with this. When they reach Y5/6 girls and boys are often given separate spaces for changing.

At my DC’s school they all get changed in the classroom together until year 5. I disliked it too and complained but was told they don’t have to provide a separate space or single sex environment. I think it’s awful for the children. Goes against everything I’m teaching my child about privacy and her rights. She has no choice but be forced to change in front of others. I asked if she could go to the toilet and was told no. In fact everything I suggested was opposed by the school.

Interesting on swimming lesson days.

OP - I suggest doing a bit of reading to help you develop some strategies. Here’s a start, it’s from USA but a useful starting point Teaching bodily autonomy

I mean this kindly but I think you have mixed the concept of bodily autonomy with that of modesty / shame which is likely to make your dd less confident (and thus more vulnerable) rather more confident.

I am really out of touch with these things but do kids still shower after games and PE? the teacher used to stand and watch us to make sure we washed properly...they also took out the curtains between cubicles...

Thankfully this all changed with Covid and they started going in PE kit when DD was in primary but before that we would just make sure that on PE days she had a vest on and some of the shorts style knickers because she felt more comfortable if she was a bit more covered up.

id love to be free and easy about it but it was in year 4 that some of the boys in class started asking to see the girls boobs so unfortunately they were being made uncomfortable about their bodies by external influences that I couldn’t control, all I could control was the clothes I bought for her.

When I was a child I envied those who weren't ashamed of their bodies. I think it was because I was brought up in a religious and prudish family.

Parents who request their child charges in the toilet, and are then annoyed when this request is rejected, fail to realise that if school accommodated their request for their own child they'd have to do it for every child. There is not enough space in a primary school toilet for this to be a reasonable possibility.

Those who would rather their child change in the toilet have clearly forgotten how grim primary school toilets are! No way would I want my child to be changing in there, placing their clothes on the floor containing traces of goodness knows what.

The classroom is far preferable.

Back in the 90s we all changed together in the classroom right up until Year 6, boys and girls, and nobody ever thought anything of it. Whether that was right or wrong is up for debate, but things like this generally only become a thing for children when outside influences (whether that be parents, or friends who have been influenced by their own parents) start to make it a thing. No child has ever thought for themselves that it's inappropriate to change their outer layer of clothing in front of the opposite sex, or indeed anyone at all, until someone plants that idea in their head.

If you are truly concerned OP, vest and cycling shorts are the answer. That way her knickers and bare chest will never be on show in school. There is literally nothing wrong with that scenario, and making her believe there is will only cause problems for her in the future with her becoming more and more self-conscious about her own body.

Yes, I’m in Ireland and in our (local) schools, they don’t change for PE. Maybe they do in other schools, I don’t know.

My DS isn’t a whiffy sort but I guess some lads are, but so what? It’s only a few hours.

Yes, they changed at the swimming pool but that was only for 1 term in primary school, and there are no changing facilities in the school.

I was just about to say this.

We sex segregated in Upper KS2 when I was teaching, but that was 10 years ago. Good to see it’s still the case.

@ChopsyHatesFungusso they do PE in their ordinary clothes? 🤯

@amy12464It sounds like you may have some very deep seated trauma OP. Please don’t pass this on to your children.

“nobody thought anything of it”. Utter drivel!

I grew up in England and if you think the olden days were golden, you’re pretty delusional.

Lads were always awful to the girls back then and would comment on their bodies, even in Primary school.

Maybe the teachers and parents didn’t notice or really care, but as a young girl, it was horrible.

Yes I do! And all was fine!

I work in school and cannot get my head around this anxiety. Children just change at their desks at this age - no fuss - no shame - just get changed.

No, they wear their PE kit to school on the day(s) they do PE. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jogging bottoms for both sexes.

At DD's school they do swimming from reception (there's a small pool at the school which gets hired out a lot so each class gets to swim every year which is great!) and I'm pretty sure they're all completely naked when getting changed. That's separated by girls/boys for changing, PE isn't because they keep underwear on. It's fine.

Nobody thought anything of it at my school. That's my own personal experience. It really wasn't a thing.

I'm not claiming that to be your experience, as everyone has different outside influences which change their perspective on things (which is exactly my point).

The idea of teenagers sitting around in clothes they're worked out in all day is grim. Not to mention how on Earth this works after outdoor PE on days when it's wet and muddy.

@amy12464

What is your actual concern?

I saw my DD’s being able get changed in and out of uniform to sports kit and vice versa quickly and efficiently as a life skill.

They are both older and sporty now so I am grateful we got that sorted out when they were younger.

If they feel uncomfortable they go in a cubicle.

They now know to be organised, quick and also know that there should be no staring, looking at others, commenting on others etc

What is your actual concern?

I remember at Secondary having to do PE in the rain... so staying in kit all day would have been horrible. Pretty sure DDs have done it in the rain as well.

(In year 10 we had PE in the morning and afternoon one day... the PE teachers had to wash and dry everyone's kit a few times as it was wet and muddy after the morning session. Well they chose to as they thought outer timetable was as stupid as we did!)

If she wears a skirt she can have her shorts under her skirt and pe top under her shirt. That's how many girls did it when I was at school, we also learned ways to dress discreetly. I wouldn't overthink it, dressing for PE in a shared space at school has been happening for years.

I don’t think anything will set her back. Used to just get changed in the classroom until later years of primary when we got changed in the bathroom.

I’m fairly certain if your that worried and if you spoke with a teacher they would let her get changed in a bathroom.

You are the only thing that will make her anxious about this. It'sa perfectly normal thing to do.

Imagine being the teacher having to teach a class of stinking teenagers still wearing their PE kits after they’ve had an active/wet/muddy PE lesson 🤢