My daughter will be the only girl in her school year

[Ilovemysoil]

My 4 yr old daughter is starting primary school in September - we are really happy with the school but for one problem. The school year is small, only 8 in the class. My daughter will be the only girl. I'm not sure how I feel about this and my husband isn't either. Whilst she is an outgoing child and has a few boy friends at nursery, I'm more worried about as she gets older as girls and boys naturally develop different interests.

We've spoken to the headteacher and she was reassuring and gave a few options as to how to ensure she doesn't feel left out - but it is nagging at me. Even if there was only one other girl I would feel much better.

My questions is - what would others do? Would you consider another school?

I’d hate this. Little kids all mix yes, as they get older it very much becomes boys and girls. Actually regardless of the number of girls- 8 kids is enough to put me off. Sounds socially v limiting.

We moved DD from a very boy heavy school in y4. Her class started off at about 10 girls, gradually girls started leaving and spaces were either unfilled or filled by boys. When we left they were down to 3 girls, she didn't gel with them, she was always left out and was miserable. There were some boys she would play with, but as school progressed it was harder. We did rainbows, dance, all those things. But it was harder and harder for her to break into groups of girls as she was missing out on those social cues that groups of girls develop. We should have moved sooner, but glad we did it eventually.

As the only girl in my year group of 5 (small village school) I can say I feel that it had no effect on me what so ever - I actually am in my 30’s and still best friends with one of the boys. You do what you feel is right for your daughter, of course I am talking from my own experience. It didn’t hinder me in anyway nor did I find it hard as I mixed with girls in other years (small schools usually all mix together in classes or at least break/lunches!

Well at least she will get a good part in the nativity.

The year below me was tiny at primary. There were also only 2 boys. So they spent afternoons in either the year above/below. It was the 80s though so more flexible.

The issue of her being the only girl aside, I would be worried about a class that small in a state school. State schools are funded per pupil, so even if the school manages to stay open, they likely won’t have any money for basic resources like sports equipment, art supplies, musical instruments etc, all the practical parts of lessons that make the learning more meaningful and enjoyable.

Also, if there’s a child in the class who isn’t particularly nice or well behaved, your child will be stuck with them for their whole time at the school (larger schools often swap the classes around each year).

Finally, don’t expect the teaching to be better just because there are less children to give attention to. That one teacher will have an absolutely huge workload as they will be planning every single subject, assembly, school trip etc on their own! Cue burnt out teacher with less energy to put into the actual teaching and children. Larger schools share the planning so teachers are doing less.

I’ve worked in huge schools and one form entry schools and the variety of experiences that the children get in a larger school is vastly more than in a smaller one. I would 100% send my own children to a bigger school over a small one.

Our DD was the only girl in her year at school. She is now in year 1 going into Year 2 in Sept. She has made some friends with the year above girls. This year the school has made changes which we are not happy about so looked at moving her due to the changes but also due to friendship issues. When I spoke to her about whether she wants to stay or move she said move school as she hasn't got any friends in school. So I would be concerned about the small class size and lack of girls in her class

I went to a very small school and there were 4 boys and me in my class, and 6 girls and 1 boy in the class above. I had a great time and some of my best friends were in the class above. One teacher taught 3 classes together because the class sizes were so small. We all had lunch together and played together at break time too. It felt like a real community and the one to one teaching that can happen is small classes is a real bonus. I was moved up a year as I was able to move through the material quickly with the extra support.

I will say that I moved schools at 8 to a larger all girls school where each class was 30 and the teaching style was much more formal and I really struggled. I didn't know the games the girls played, I didn't live in the area or have a lot of shared experience with them. Socially it was tough but academically fine.

This. It also limits what school trips can take place (not enough funds or staff). I'm a big fan of large primary schools - children have more of a choice of friends, can get away from troublesome kids in their year by moving friend groups, and it prepares them well for secondary school, which is invariably a massive zoo.

If there was a good alternative school I would send her there.

All is great until they reach a certain age & develop different interests ..
Boys get stronger than girls obviously, & eventhough boys will be just playing, your daughter could get hurt in sports..
look , there’s 101 reasons I could list , but long story short , I’d look into different schools myself where your daughter will not be the only girl in her class ..
As she gets older , she won’t like being the only girl , sure we would all be the same ..

Those of you concerned about the small numbers and whether this means the school will close - the other years have much larger numbers - as I stated in a previous post the 2021 birth rates are low, so it's not a small school, as such. Not sure how it will impact the viability of the schools, but my husband and I have spoken many times about how bonkers it is to have 4 primary schools to choose from in the village (and there is a SEND school as well!) - make sense to merge them.

I was the only girl in a year of 8 - it was fine in my smallish school of 50 (teachers would take on 2 or 3 year groups), I mixed with girls in other years during playtime, and also really enjoyed playing with the boys. She'll get to do all types of play without resorting to stereotypes!

Tbh I still much prefer Lego and tree climbing to horses and dolls 😅

the other years have much larger numbers - as I stated in a previous post the 2021 birth rates are low, so it's not a small school, as such

The fact the other years are much larger is actually a negative in this instance I think. It will mean the others in year 1 have established friendships and in all honesty probably won't want to play with the younger children.

Do any of the other schools have a more even mix in their reception classes?

A lifetime of observation through many decades of social change and the fact that boys and girls are physiologically different from conception and I see no reason why their psychological and emotional development from an early age shouldn’t be different too.
I, too, at first thought that there was little or no difference between the sexes in earlier childhood - made every effort to give my own children what would now be termed a “non-gendered” upbringing, but soon realised there were significant differences and have seen nothing to contradict this since. Socialisation plays a part, but it’s not the whole story. (Most) girls and (most) boys have divergent interests from a relatively early age, somewhat moderated by individual personalities. I recognise this is not the conventional narrative and that I might be wrong, of course.

If this were my dd and we were going back in time to a situation like this, I would run away from the school as fast as possible.

dd ended up being autistic. Part of her rigidity was finding the behavior of the primary school boys especially difficult. It got worse and worse every year. She was in an equal split class, but we still explored every option to move her to an all girls school it was so difficult. There just were no feasible options available.

it really didn’t get better until she hit year 9. She developed a bit more resilience, but really it was that the boys started to mature and became much more tolerable.

your dd likely won’t find a class full of boys quite as difficult, but I would still be worried about behavior, especially when you get to around year 4.

I think at that age she could easily find a boy to be friends with

Hopefully there are girls in the year above and year to come below. They will mix on the playground etc.

Can you enrol her in rainbows (girl guiding) so make other female friends.

For me the class size of 8 out weights the need for female friends in class if there’s other ways to have female friends

Fair enough, I have seen the opposite and, fwiw, was raised by someone very opposed to treating us differently and as a result my brothers, sister, and I are very non-traditional/ gendered when it comes to interests and especially were as children. I don't think most people do it intentionally at all, but there's lots of interesting data about how quickly parents comfort crying babies of different sexes, how they respond to and moderate loud/cheeky/boisterous/caring behaviour in a way which reinforces or creates gendered expectations. I also see in different cultures different presentations in children which makes me think so so much is nurture not nature. But I am always interested to know more, child development is fascinating. I should add, in case it came across otherwise, that I like being a woman, like lots of 'girly' things and having women friends and my mum was probably a bit radical although for understandable reasons lol!

In short though, even if I'm wrong and girls are naturally different to boys at that age, I don't think having only boy classmates will hurt. Although I think mixed sex is ideal, the benefits of such a small class will very likely outweigh.

I’m also in the try it and see camp. I think one of the main things is going to be how other adults react to it - parents and staff.

Reception kids largely rub along together perfectly happily, but I’d worry about people constantly making a thing of her being the only girl, and it starting to be something that singles her out, constantly being reminded that she is ‘different’.

Of course, they could all be wonderful, you just won’t know until she starts.

It's not like 2021 was a one off those. Declining birth rate is a continuing problem. The may be alright for numbers now, but losing a full year group each year and seeing them replaced by a much smaller cohort will have a massive impact within a few years. I'll imagine they'll have to combine classes at the very least if that pattern continues. There being other schools in the village makes the risk of the closure of one even more likely.

There's one school in Scotland with 2 pupils.

he teachers in a small school know the kids , their strengrhs and weaknesses inside out and can tailor learning very precisely and they will likely make much better progress and likely have more trips because the numbers are so much more manageable.
the downside is if there is someone you dont like it is hard to get away rom them, and also a smaller friendship pool

Sounds a dreadful idea. My daughter is one of 5 girls and the dynamic are appalling by year 5.

Also a class size of 8 isn’t a bonus. Where’s the diversity of thought, personality and lifestyles going to come from? They may get more teacher attention but their knowledge/ intellect won’t benefit more than their social skills would in a normal size class