My daughter will be the only girl in her school year

[Ilovemysoil]

My 4 yr old daughter is starting primary school in September - we are really happy with the school but for one problem. The school year is small, only 8 in the class. My daughter will be the only girl. I'm not sure how I feel about this and my husband isn't either. Whilst she is an outgoing child and has a few boy friends at nursery, I'm more worried about as she gets older as girls and boys naturally develop different interests.

We've spoken to the headteacher and she was reassuring and gave a few options as to how to ensure she doesn't feel left out - but it is nagging at me. Even if there was only one other girl I would feel much better.

My questions is - what would others do? Would you consider another school?

Also-is the school at capacity or are the rolls falling? Is it going to survive for all her time in Primary?

I’d be more concerned about the school closing down, there are several tiny village schools in my area that are either merging or closing.

If you feel the school is secure in that respect I think it’s no bad thing for your daughter to grow up with a few boy mates.

I wouldn't be thrilled. I went to a tiny school, 10 in the class, even split. One of my best friends is male and we have been friends our entire lives. When we were little I played with him differently to how I played with my girl friends - a lot more playing mousetrap/football/den building etc, whereas with the girls there was a lot more sylvanians, dolls and barbies. I feel it would have been a shame if either type of play was missed.

Only girl in the class, or only girl in the year group?

I would be very rare to only have 8 in a class, unless private (and even that would be small). Schools simply can't afford to pay teachers on that ratio.

If she'll be taught in mixed year groups it's not a problem as plenty of scope for female friends a year or two older (and, after this year, younger). I dare say some other girls will eventually join the year group anyway at some point.

If they teach the year groups separately I would definitely look for elsewhere as that's stifling and not sustainable. A huge part of school is the friendships they make. It's not all about being taught in small groups.

@Ilovemysoil very sure in the next couple of years she will be in a composite class/ the councils wont pay a teacher to just teach 8 pupils for 7 years of primary school!

I wouldn't send my DD to be in a class where she's the only girl...no way. My DD was in a primary class of thirty which was boy heavy...two thirds boys. Even that was awful.

That’s just not true in rural areas. All the schools in our trust are small and are viable. Classes are mixed, with 5-15 per year group.

You chose to send her to a very small school / chose to live somewhere that this school was where she would likely end up going. Some kind of imbalance was always going to happen, so what was your plan for helping her to fit in if she was in a minority? It could have been "she's the only girl who doesn't like dolls" or "she's the only child who likes sports" etc. The answer to any of these is surely to get her involved in activities outside school like dance classes / football / drama club etc to make friends there. Also ho encourage friendships with the boys in her class. Don't send her the message that she will struggle socially be abuse there are no other girls.

Also, there's no guarantee that if there were more girls that they would actually be friends. Make the best of the situation rather than thinking your child is hard done by in this (predictable) situation.

My children are in our village infant school, with similar class sizes (7-12 depending on year). My son’s class only has one girl in it. She plays with girls in the year above and below, seeing as it is such a small school and there are only 20-something kids in the playground. The class is also merged for many lessons with the year above and so she is in the classroom a lot of the time with girls in the year above. Dependent on your daughters age there may be younger girls in the year above or older girls in the year below who may be closer in age to her than some of her actual classmates so I wouldn’t worry too much about her not getting on with girls in the year above/below her.

Some children will happily play with the opposite sex at infant school age, but not all. I def see groups of girls and groups of boys playing seperately more than mixed. I’m at the school a lot as it is in part parent run so see the children interacting a lot.

You have no idea who may join the school over the next few years. People move in and out of areas all the time.
8 in a class is an amazing opportunity!
Don't remove her.

I was in a class of 8 and there was myself and one other girl, we had nothing in common and I gravitated towards the boys. We had mixed break times with other classes so then played with other girls in different years. I’m not sure if there’s any specific concerns you have but I don’t think it impacted me in any way.

Thanks everyone.

We are not rural, we are in a village where there is oddly a few primary schools. One school has 30 children, and the others all have 8-10. I gather that 2021 was a low birth year hence the small class. I'm not bothered about that.

The headteacher advised that whilst they don't plan to combine school years, they have plans for my daughter to have a buddy (a girl who happens to be our immediate neighbour) and to increase the interaction between reception and year 1 so my daughter has more interaction with girls.

I do love the school in every other aspect, so I like the advice to see how it goes and do something about it if it becomes an issue for her.

I think she will do really well

Our county has lots of rural schools with tiny intakes, all of them have mixed year groups as they just can’t be funded to keep single year groups. The situation of only one girl/boy happens not infrequently, but because the year groups are mixed and the schools are so small it really doesn’t make a difference when everyone’s together anyway.

What part is 'not true'? I haven't said schools don't exist like that. I'd question your view that they are indeed 'viable' though. Times are changing. Schools are terribly underfunded. Schools can't afford to pay a teacher to teach that few children these days. They're running at a massive loss if they do. Schools are closing, in both urban and rural areas. It might not be long before your trust faces similar issues.

I visited a state school in a busy part of East London last week and they have 8 children in their Reception class. There are just 100 in the entire school. I never thought I’d see the day. I attended the school as a child when there would have been 30 children in a class. It’s increasingly common in London as families have been driven out because of the COL.

It would depend on the school if she would be mixing with other girls in different class groups or not. Also the location is important. Would you otherwise have to travel a long distance to another school? That’s very important. A lot depends on the child as well. DD started school last September and I can’t imagine her having no other little girls to play with. It was like the best thing that ever happened in her life to have all these other girls with shared interests to spend several hours a day with. Of course they also play with boys and she has had play dates with boys but she has just really clicked with some of the girls . Of course you can do activities outside school but I find with my DC they while they might get along great with the DC at the activities it doesn’t often develop into actual friendships but then at the same time you can also say that for school. I know a mum who’s DD has never gotten on well with the girls in her class.

Yep, heard a lot about that happening in the most expensive areas of London. So this is where locally specific knowledge comes in handy. The 2020s have seen reduced birth rates, so eg the cohort starting primary school in 2 years will be smaller nationally than the cohort leaving it the same year. However, there are some areas that either buck the trend or where the shrinkage is much greater. So things like if there's a new housing development planned outside the village, or if it's somewhere that young families increasingly can't afford to live.

I went to a school where there was 8 of us in my year. Only one was a boy. To be honest, in a school so small everyone ends up playing together. I was mostly friends with the year above me (had friends who lived very near to me and a cousin in the year above) whereas the boy in my year was friends with the boys in the year above and year below. Every child knew every other child’s name in the school. We would write Christmas cards and we’d write them to every child in the infants or juniors class (depending on your age and therefore which class you were in) and sometimes to the whole school. The year I left there was 52 pupils in the whole school. My eldest’s year group in primary school had about 60 pupils by the end of yr6, which still seems crazy to me. My primary school was like a giant family. The teachers knew every child VERY well. You knew everyone’s parents. My kids went/ go to a primary school of over 300 pupils and did/ are doing great, but you don’t know everyone and they definitely don’t know who all of their peers parents are. Whereas I knew who the parents of the reception kids were when I was in yr6 of primary school. In a small school, if 1 child is left out it’s very obvious. In a big school, all the kids just blend together and the teachers don’t know what’s going on.

I’m in the ‘wait and see how she gets on’ camp. If she’s happy for now, leave it, she may find her niche and might actually benefit. But if you had to move her in year 2/3 to find friends it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I moved my quiet shy sensitive dd in year 3 for similar reasons and she thrived. She’s 23 now and still friends with girl she was sat next to from day 1 in the new school!

I was the only girl in my class in infant school. It was hard in some ways and I did feel the odd one out but in others ways it was fine. I have brothers so was very comfortable with boys, and I just got used to being in an all male environment. I was never a girly girl but maybe I never got the chance to be one.

Sometimes it hit home, like going to birthday parties and I was the only one in a dress and I'd feel very self conscious. All the playground games were pretty high energy racing around - Star Wars, G-Force ('70s baby). I did it to be part of the group but it wasn't really my thing. I did dance classes out of school and was good friends with a girl on my road, so I wasn't entirely surrounded by boys all the time.

When I got to juniors I did struggle a bit as I wasn't quite sure how to relate. I still feel that way a little bit to be honest! I've mainly worked in all male or predominantly male environments and I find that very comfortable. My closest adult friends are men - I'd never actually realised that until now! The place I work now has a pretty even mix of men and women, and I remember feeling excited to be working with women finally but also a bit trepidatious.

Thinking it over I wouldn't recommend a single sex environment when your child is the opposite sex. I did feel that something was missing at the time. Don't underestimate how it might shape them for the future. BUT if there are other pressing factors in favour of this school, just make sure that your DD does get to interact with girls her age through clubs and playdates.

With my primary school of 52 pupils, there was the infants class and juniors class and 1 teacher for each class. The only other teachers were the reception class teacher, the head teacher, the TA for the infants class and the TA for the juniors class. So with 8 pupils in a class, they don’t get their own teacher.

In a big school, all the kids just blend together and the teachers don’t know what’s going on.

Yeah, those teachers in larger schools are completely clueless as to what goes on. They don't know the kids at all... 🙄

I would love to know how the school is funded! Are all teachers qualified? Classes of less than 10 can’t possibly pay for a teacher per year group.