My daughter will be the only girl in her school year

[Ilovemysoil]

My 4 yr old daughter is starting primary school in September - we are really happy with the school but for one problem. The school year is small, only 8 in the class. My daughter will be the only girl. I'm not sure how I feel about this and my husband isn't either. Whilst she is an outgoing child and has a few boy friends at nursery, I'm more worried about as she gets older as girls and boys naturally develop different interests.

We've spoken to the headteacher and she was reassuring and gave a few options as to how to ensure she doesn't feel left out - but it is nagging at me. Even if there was only one other girl I would feel much better.

My questions is - what would others do? Would you consider another school?

My daughter was miserable being the only girl in her class doing afternoons when she started school (30 in the class and plenty of girls in the morning but as all had birthdays later in the year they weren’t full time). There were girls in the parallel class that she often mixed with.
Honestly I wish I’d known before as she was unhappy and still remembers it negatively 20 years later.
8 is a very small number.

We are not rural, we are in a village where there is oddly a few primary schools. One school has 30 children, and the others all have 8-10.

My concern would be that this school will not remain open for long, particularly if the village has a few schools under capacity. The LA won’t be able to afford to keep them all open. If your school doesn’t close then it is likely another will so that the schools can consolidate.

My 4 year old is starting school this year. The school has two classes per year and 30 pupils per class. However, this year the intake is very low, 28 pupils in total so 12 per class. We’ve been informed that it’s nationwide as 2020/21 is Covid and lockdowns so perhaps not as many people had babies. Being the only girl would be disappointing of course, girls generally are more calming so a class full of boys will be more hectic

I think it depends on the child. My dd would’ve hated it as she’s always had a natural bond with females. She’s also very sporty but even then by year2/3 the sports start to divide into bit/ girl. My niece on the other hand has always had more male friends. I think it would probably be fine for the first few years but a bit lonely as she gets older.

people denying that there are differences between boys/ girls are just being naive. Whether it’s biological or sociological it is there.

Expect the rad fems to tell you 'boys and girls don't naturally develop different interests.'

What if the Year1 child who is your neighbour doesn’t want to be a buddy?

I would move schools.Even if there was a more even split of boys and girls, 8 children is too few to have genuine friendship choices. What works in reception is not automatically going to work in y4,5 and 6.

I don't see what the issue is. I went to a rural village school. My school year was the biggest year in the whole school and there were 9 of us. 2 girls, 7 boys. Granted I wasn't the only girl, but I wouldn't have had an issue if I was, I got on really well with the boys. Girls can be so bloody mean. There's plenty of playtime in the playground for your daughter to spend time with other girls, if it's an issue for you.

My son is one of 18 boys in a class of 28, a year of 86 with 15 diagnosed Sen kids. I’d kill for 8 and i wouldn’t care a jot about gender. Small numbers like that the year groups will bond too.

Yes you’re correct, I am basing off of my own experiences; I’m sure every school has their own way of doing things. We’re so lucky to be able to look around schools and put forward our own opinions on the schools we like for our children 😊.

I’m only basing it off of 4 schools. The small school I went to and the 3 primary schools my children went to (1 small and 2 larger). The 2 small schools operated similarly and the 2 larger operated similarly; maybe that’s just a coincidence.

I would be very concerned about this. People tend to see small class sizes as the holy grail and for some children who maybe struggle socially and are anxious in noisy, busy classrooms it can be beneficial. However, it can make making friends really hard as there are so few to choose from. This will be compounded as your DD gets older and will typically want girl friends. This exact situation happened to a friend of mine - by the time their DD got to year 4/5 she was desperate for girl friends and the sex education became tricky to navigate as the only girl in the class she felt quite lonely.

I would also worry how financially viable this is for the school - it can’t be sustainable for very long - and that goes for both state and independent.

Sons rural school had one girl after another reception girl left in a class of ten. Went right through to secondary. She was very good at football.

Do you mean they have a reception class, then a Yr1/2, 3/4 & 5/6, theoretically with 15 spaces in each year?

My DDs went to a smallish school in the early years. Because it was a Forces school, it was funded at a least one class per year regardless of class size (above 30 they got a second class). They found that 8/9 was the absolute minimum before the children became unhappy due to social issues.

Only girl... sometimes the imbalance created issues, sometimes it didn't. At the Secondary they had a year group of 26 boys and 8 girls and that apparently was a problem! They ended up having one all boys class and one mixed class.

This would be my attitude too.

Sounds ok to me ,I'd go ahead myself

I’m interested how you are so sure of this.

I'm not sure tbf, but it's my opinion based on lots I've read about child development as well as observations over many years of how people bring up children (as well as in different societies with different gender expectations).
I think at puberty and after there are clear differences in behaviour but before then (imo) it's 90% if not 100% due to external factors, expectations and parental reaction to behaviours.
Interested (genuinely) in how you think girls and boys are "naturally" different and why that is.

I wouldn’t worry about this too much OP. My daughter’s bestie has been a boy for many years.

Without being too outing this happened to us. Elder child was already at the School and youngest Dd was already settled in to the pre-school when we realised. We have worked hard to forge relationships with the girls in the year above (mixed class) by inviting them over etc. The School has an excellent community as it’s a small rural school - it’s a very nurturing environment that many parents would give their right arm for. It’s suited our eldest well. In their year there has been many children join, leave (for moving reasons) and I’m hoping the same will happen with Dd year. However, Dd is quite outgoing and when we go on holiday/park etc she makes friends with the other little girls and I wonder if she’s missed out not having lots of girlfriend options.
I think for your DD OP it depends what the options are? If there is another small option with more girls then I’d go for that. If the other option is a class of 30 then I think when it came to the crunch I’d go for the smaller School xx

I was thinking 1 girl in a class of 30 😭😭

This is fine. My dd is the only girl in a class of 6, as she has autism and its a class for autistic kids

She does like boy toys 😪😄 like superheroes and cars but lately shes taken an interest in make up

Yabu tbh, such a small class size is lovely. Plus, think about the confidence it'll give her in life - being able to cope around boys now, being able to cope around men in the Boardroom in future xx

I wouldn’t choose this option, definitely not. We struggled with just 4 other girls. She needs friends of both sexes. I grew up with boys. I actually thought I was one for years. I found it hard to make friends with girls later in life ( I did eventually) but they seemed very complicated compared to the boys, and I didn’t understand the undercurrents or female cues as well. It took a long time to work out how those friendships worked.

I wouldn’t choose this as a start for my child.

I would do some more research into the school to be honest. If you go to the compare schools website, you can see number on roll etc, A class of 8 isn’t viable long term. If the school is pretty much full in the other years and with the birth rate predicted to rise, then I can see it manageable, but if classes are smaller further up the school e.g. somewhere between 18 and 24, then there will be either composite classes or schools will eventually closed. The head will be positive, she won’t want to lose another pupil as that makes a class of 7. But if you like the school, then give it a go but monitor it and sounds like there are options if you need to move her.

I went to a small country school and was the only girl in my class. I had the BEST time in primary school and am still in touch with 2 of the boys I went to school with. It wouldn't worry me in the slightest if my daughter was in the same position. There were other girls in the classroom as there were 3 classes being taught together and honestly all the kids played together, boys and girls, and the mix of classes. Very different to the school my daughter now goes too in a large town where has 32 in her class!

Wow, there is no way I would want this for my child. Personally I think eight children is far too small a pool for friendships, and that's before you add in the issue of her being the only girl.

Personally I think class sizes of around 18-24 is the ideal in primary (assuming there is good classroom support in the early years in terms of an additional TA, and children with SEN are also well supported).

In some Island schools this is pretty normal. My Neighbour was the only girl in the school for 2 years. She was fine and it never bothered her.

Clearly a major factor in boys and girls developing different interests is exposure to their same-sex peers! They form friendships primarily with children of the same sex (often encouraged by adult pressures to do so) and it snowballs from there. But if she's the only girl in the class no girl groups are going to develop and the pressures will be less marked.