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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

My son has just been in tears as the same child is being mean to him.

94 replies

NotABanana · 13/05/2008 18:57

This child has picked on my son, on and off, for nearly 2 school years now. He has just been in tears as today the child has pushed him and hit him as well as bossing him around. I know it doesn't sound much but he is only seven and has had this for so long. He says he tells the teacher and nothing is ever done. The play ground staff are not his teacher more than once a week afaik.

I am tempted to tell him to hit the child back but he says he will be the one getting into trouble. I had said to him to shout "Stop it, name" next time they do it and we have had a practice.

DH is taking him in to school as the sad thing is the teacher might take more notice of him. I think they think I am over protective. The teacher says my child is a pleasure to teach but I know he needs to learn ways of handling situations.

I want to get him into judo as a way of gaining confidence but have no idea how to go about finding a class or how much they cost.

This child is much older in some ways, has a real attitude about them, and I want them to leave my son alone!

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fransmom · 13/05/2008 19:03

hi nab x

i was about the same age as your ds and similar things happened to me all through school. the main ones i remember in juniors were this one boy apparently kept pivking on me and i just snapped and kneed him. he never did it again. i did get called to headmistress' office and i told her the truth. in those days it was a smack. i never got that smack. too right as well.

my point is that maybe the teachers aren't telling the hm everything, it was like that for my brother. could you request a meeting with hm if nothing appears to be sorted, then follow up with letter notifyin gyour intention to contact education officer at your local council.

as for self defence classes, a very good idea but can't remember what area of the country you are in?

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lou33 · 13/05/2008 19:08

when i have had this situation, i have gone in and spoken to the teacher

they may well try and make it seem less than it is, but i always say if it is upsetting my child for that amount of time then it is serious to them and myself, and i would like them to address it

if they still seem reluctant, i say that i am sure they would prefer the school to sort it out themselves, and would not like me causing a scene in the playground by approaching the parent of the child concerned

always does the trick

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fransmom · 13/05/2008 19:11

good idea lou

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kid · 13/05/2008 19:11

I feel for you and your DS. I am going through a similar thing with my DS, but he has been told to hit back.
I think the school may take notice when my DS does hit back, but I have the evidence that they have done nothing so far to resolve the matter.

I hope the school do take notice of your DH, its a shame that they don't seem willing to listen to you. Good luck, if he isn't happy then don't ignore it. It has to be dealt with now before it escalates.

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NotABanana · 13/05/2008 19:16

He is now sleeping in my bed as he "feels so sad." He hasn't slept in my bed since he was small and poorly.

TBH I do think some of the staff think he might be a bit of a wimp especially if he tells them all the time when someone does something. Hardly the point though is it.

I just feel so helpless.

Approaching the mother is so not an option. Her child is the only child ever born, mine is a baby and I am not bringing him up right as I have taught him not to hit back.

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NotABanana · 13/05/2008 19:27

Dh is going in tomorrow. He is going to tell the teacher we don't want to keep coming in, nothing seems to have been done, if nothing is now done he will tell our son to give as good as he gets and we will stand by him 100%.

I am sure there are some who will disapprove of this but 2 years. It broke my heart to see him crumble into tears.

Both DH and I were bullied in school and both eventually hit back. We were left alone after that.

My son is an easy target. He is gentle, quiet and a real hit with the girls.

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lou33 · 13/05/2008 19:46

of course you dont approach her, you just tell the school you will

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NotABanana · 13/05/2008 20:55

I feel very wound up and stressed and I just know I won't sleep tonight.

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lou33 · 13/05/2008 21:47

i think you should see the teacher and make it clear, in a polite but firm way, that you have had enough and it has to be dealt with

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NotABanana · 13/05/2008 21:52

Hubby will. He is so much better than me and I think they might take it more seriously from him. He is wondering how to speak to her without the other kids there when she only arrives in the classroom minutes before they do. Hope he catches her.

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NormaStanleyFletcher · 13/05/2008 21:57

You can always ask to see a copy of the schools anti bullying policy

I had an issue with DS1 many years ago, where older boys were tripping him up, and although they just though it ws funny, he was really upset. Spoke to school and they dealt with it immediately. They took it seriously, as it sounds like this should be

Hope you get it sorted

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NormaStanleyFletcher · 13/05/2008 21:58

part of what I am trying to say is that if it is serious for him then it is bullying and it should be serious for them...

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NotABanana · 13/05/2008 21:59

Thank you.

The teacher usually says she neevr sees anything or any problems.

He says he tells the staff but they don't do anything.

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lou33 · 13/05/2008 21:59

tell her you need to speak to her about something and she will arrange a time to speak to you, tell her it is fairly urgent though

or another way is to ask her to call you, and discuss it on the phone

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NormaStanleyFletcher · 13/05/2008 22:01

If you want to see her without the others then ring and say you want to or turn up at the end of school and wait until they are free...

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lou33 · 13/05/2008 22:02

if the teacher says they see nothing then they need you or your h to tell tehm exactly what your child has been saying is happening, and how it is affecting him

ask them to speak to all kids involved separately and try to sort this without any drama

most teachers do this as an initial step, then have a general group discussion about how to treat their classmates during class time, and it often stops there

you do have to speak to the school though, or your h

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NotABanana · 14/05/2008 07:38

He was saying this morning that the teachers (not his, she is kind ) are mean too. He says they bend down to listen to him and then say and do nothing. I worry that they think he is a bit of a baby or tell tale but he is just a sensitve boy.

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mankyscotslass · 14/05/2008 07:55

We are having this just now with my almost 6 year old ds. I have already spoken to the teacher about it once, she said she knew nothing about it despite ds telling me he had told the teacher every time . He is small for his age and has been getting dragged/pulled/pushed around, and his glasses have been broken or damaged 3 or 4 times. We have been practising the "I don't like that" shout too. He does have a tendency to get upset and is going through a telltale stage, so I am struggling to get a balance with him. I wanted to speak to the teacher again yesterday, but she wasn't in. Next step for me is making a formal appointment to chat with her. I hope it goes ok for you.

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NotABanana · 14/05/2008 08:15

DH talked again to DS1 to get the facts. The child pushed him, rather than punched, and apparently made fun and told everyone that he had forgotten his paper and pencil for the ICT suite. It doesn't sound much written down but when you have had this child on at you for months and months, it can hurt.

Dh is taking the children to school but won't talk to the teacher today. We will if anything happens though.

I am going to post another thread asking for stratagies for him to cope when they do or say things to him.

I am also going out today to find him an after school activity to build his confidence.

mankyscotslass I hope you get things sorted soon too.

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slng · 14/05/2008 08:39

NaB: My sympathies. DS1 is like your ds too. I agree with you about not hitting back. That's what I tell ds1 too. (Though honestly if he does hit back at this stage I'd turn a blind eye and be a hypocrite.)

We did a "how-to-say-stop-properly" thing. I got ds1 to pretend he's a mouse and say stop like a mouse would do, then a rabbit, a dog etc. He rejected tigers and lions and settled on a crocodile ...

Also trying to teach him to just laugh at them when they say things that are not true and silly. Quite hard though as LOs tend to get caught up in their emotions, I guess.

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mumoftwo37 · 14/05/2008 09:29

NAB when my DS was in Year 2 we had the same problem, I even witnessed the bully being mean to my DS on the carpet in the class room when I was talking to the teacher. She dismissed it saying "boys will be boys!" We got really fed up as did DS and eventually he snapped and punched the child in the stomach. He was left alone from then on- sometimes (and I know it is wrong) the bullies need a taste of their own medicine.
Hope he has a good day today and try not to worry about him.
((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))

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NotABanana · 14/05/2008 11:17

My husband and I were both bullied at school and it only stopped when we both literally hit back.

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mankyscotslass · 14/05/2008 13:43

NAB...so was I . I am beginning to dread the school pick up because there is always something. I will keep an eye out the the coping strategy suggestions.
Our boys sound very similar!

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NotABanana · 14/05/2008 14:02

I wonder whether to speak to the teacher this afternoon.

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NotABanana · 14/05/2008 14:04

My boy is such a sweet boy. He can be awful to his siblings but that is more acceptable in a way. Part of growing up but tbh I suspect a lot of it is frustration at being picked on at school.

I hate the thought of him being bullied, I hate the thought of his personality being the reason for it and I really dislike this child and the mother.

I can't believe she truly believes I am bringing my child up wrong as I have taught him not ot hit back!

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