My son has just been in tears as the same child is being mean to him.

[NotABanana]

This child has picked on my son, on and off, for nearly 2 school years now. He has just been in tears as today the child has pushed him and hit him as well as bossing him around. I know it doesn't sound much but he is only seven and has had this for so long. He says he tells the teacher and nothing is ever done. The play ground staff are not his teacher more than once a week afaik.

I am tempted to tell him to hit the child back but he says he will be the one getting into trouble. I had said to him to shout "Stop it, name" next time they do it and we have had a practice.

DH is taking him in to school as the sad thing is the teacher might take more notice of him. I think they think I am over protective. The teacher says my child is a pleasure to teach but I know he needs to learn ways of handling situations.

I want to get him into judo as a way of gaining confidence but have no idea how to go about finding a class or how much they cost.

This child is much older in some ways, has a real attitude about them, and I want them to leave my son alone!

I have just had a look at that and thought it was going to be a book for DS1 to read. Would it help me help him if I was to read it?

I have just changed dds ( shes also 7) school for the same thing. My main issue was the school not doing a thing and her teacher telling her when approched for help, to go away and stop lying.

I have advised DD in future to look the bully in the eye and say "I don't want to talk to you" and turn away and walk on in a differnet direction. I have also explained why bullys do what they do and also told her absolutley no one is any better than her even if they like to think so. Have had to keep renforcing this message but I definetly feel she is more confident.

Also the school need to get a grip and follow through with the national anti bullying thingy that all schools have. Its bloody ridiculous. By law we are leaving our babies in the care of these places for hours every week. Grrrrrrr

I really hate bullying, your poor wee man

I hope he has been okay today.

Child 2 is taking things out on him as she is unhappy at home (parents separated and them not seeing Dad) but child 1 is just a cow imo obviously.

FFS.

A kid has blamed mine for pushing another kid. The staff saw he was upset and just ignored him. I am probably over reacting but I am sick of it.

A child in my dds class picks on everybody.Some of the children are in tears about it.Not too worried about my own dd as she can stick up for herself.Thing is they are all 4 so its very worrying and one parent in particular is v distressed as her dd is getting the brunt of it

If no response from teacher, ask to see year group leader, deputy head or head. Alternatively, write a letter to the head explaining the two years, upset to your son and lack of action. Explain that the child involved needs speaking to, and possible that child's parents informed of the actions their child is taking. The child may need a playground contract to help manage their behaviour towards others. The school must have rules and these evidently are not being followed. Ask what the school plans to do to stop what has happened. monitor progress, letter to school governors may be next step if none of the above works. By retaliating, you teach your son that you were wrong, whe you weren't, and will end up with 'troublesome parent label, when you are not. Go the official route, up, and up, until you get a response and support.

notabanana,
sorry for your situation.
as its been 2 years this bullying going on, i wouldnt wait anymore with the logs and etc.
keep your logs still, but see the teacher as soon as possible, and ask for an answer definitely. dont accept 'kids are kids' etc.
you are very upset for 2 years, so there is something very wrong, and tell the same child is bullying many others, and they are not happy, too. tell you will wait 3-4 days, if you are not satisfied, tell you will take further action. write letter to head, then governers, etc.
next time you go to school, ask for an apt as soon as possible saying you have an urgent, important matter to discuss with her/him. and see him/her.
dont wait any more, you can present old events, and events that happened to the other children as well.
and about your child, being gentle, its not bad, he is a good boy, its not something to worry about. you can encourage him with judo, or sending him to football classes, etc.
dont worry too much, dont think about it anymore till monday. on monday you can sort this out.
good luck, i hope things will get better soon.
lucy

The teachers response is always that she doesn't see any of this, it is hard to bring up an incident that happened the day before, and if he won't tell her what can she do?

I am telling her so she should accept it happened.
No reason the child can't be spoken to about yesterdays incident imo.
He tries telling various people and feels nothing is ever done.

NAB, Ds seems to have responded well to having a specific person to talk to about the incidents on a daily basis. His TA has taken this on. Perhaps agreeing with the teacher one person who he goes to will help?
My DS kept telling people, but not the same ones, and not all of them are there everyday anyway.
Friday seems to have been an ok day for him, thankfully, and when I was collecting dd from the school nursey I saw the teachers for both YR and Y1 lining the kids up before going back into school and giving another talk on playing properly in the playground! Things seem to be on the up

I am not sure whether he told the playground staff or the TA's.

Hubby is saying what message am I sending our son if I go into school every time it happens. I think I am telling him his mother will always be there for him. He feels that it isn't 2 years of constant bullying so we mustn't take him out of school. I considered doing that if it happened again.

I am glad things seem better for your DS.

NAB - am coming to this a bit late.
so the teacher isn't doing much - i think it is time to go to the head. request a meeting ASAP. make sure you have read the behaviour and anti-bully policy before the meeting.
state firmly thet this has to end now.

my own DD has had trouble for years with a particular child. i was of the opinion that children need to sort things out themselves - told her to get over it and ignore it. thought the teachers would think i was being overprotective etc etc etc
came to a head when my DD finally snapped and pushed bully girl out of the way to escape being cornered in te cloakroom. DD was then threaened with exclusion for being physically violent to bully girl. I was furious and let the headmiastress know in no uncertain terms what had been going on and that if bully girl wasnt dealt with i would go and see the governors and the local education authority.
miraculously bully girl's mother was asked to remove her child from the school (itwasn't only muy DD having trouble and the school had tried everything to help bully girl already).

i really regret letting this insiduous nastyness go on for so long. my DD hates school and will probably never like it - and leave at the first possible moment ruining her chances of a decent education.

I have just looked on the school website and I couldn't find a single reference to bullying. All about being nice to each other. I feel frustrated. Dh doesn't want us going in for every little thing and it getting round that DS's mummy will osrt it out.

We shouldn't have to bloody well go in!!!

NaB - I understand what your dh is saying. I thought that at one point myself. It amounted to everyone being distressed and nothing being resolved. I think it's a mistake to make LO "sort things out" themselves if they are not equipped and not ready. Think about how grown-ups cope with bullies. It's not easy, is it? You don't want to go in for every little thing, but from what you said this is persistent torture. It is ONE BIG THING as far as your child is concerned.

The message you are sending by going in and sorting this out is that you care about your ds and take him seriously, that you stand by him, and that it's not acceptable to bully or to be bullied, that it's good to be gentle. Benefit outweighs drawback!

FWIW I should go with lucylue's advice. Gentleness is not weakness, and DS should not be made to think so.

Had my say now. Will go and read the papers and be quiet.

I have heard that the classes get split next year. I am going to ask the teacher if this is true and strongly ask request that the bully is not in my DS's class.

Fair enough?

Yes very fair. I think they would be very unreasonable in refusing this request.

I asked DS to tell his teacher I had a quick question to ask her this afternoon so I will ask her then.

She probably won't be able to give me an answer there and then and we may not find out until July if and how the classes are split.

I refuse to defer to them anymore.

It comes in 3's apparently and I have had 3 stressful things today.

Roll on bedtime, for me.

Ds1 was bullied for a year in primary school. I tried not to be an overprotective parent. However, the staff all colluded with the bully, whose mother was an influential person within the school.

He became depressed and suicidal and I took him out of the school. (I have condensed this, obviously). He never looked back.

Dd had a bad experience with another girl doing the whispering, spreading rumours stuff.

I made an appointment with the class teacher, and followed it up with a meeting with the head. I documented everything that had been said and done, quoted the antibullying policy, and gave them a week to come back to me with a plan of action.

It was sorted within the week.

I was calm, polite, but made it clear that I expected action pronto.

Every school must have an anti bullying policy. It is up to you as a parent to protect your child. Be assertive and don't be fobbed off.

I can't find anything on the website about an anti bullying policy.

It is one of those schools where I would bet money on the Head would say no bullying goes on.

I spoke to a higher up teacher/member of staff today and she said that she knows DS1's teacher and she can't believe she does nothing.

I have had a really bad day and I have had enough tbh.

I even started thinking about which school I would send him too.

"I hate the school Mummy. I don't want to go anymore" but later he said he couldn't remember what happened when we were on our own to talk.