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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My son has just been in tears as the same child is being mean to him.

94 replies

NotABanana · 13/05/2008 18:57

This child has picked on my son, on and off, for nearly 2 school years now. He has just been in tears as today the child has pushed him and hit him as well as bossing him around. I know it doesn't sound much but he is only seven and has had this for so long. He says he tells the teacher and nothing is ever done. The play ground staff are not his teacher more than once a week afaik.

I am tempted to tell him to hit the child back but he says he will be the one getting into trouble. I had said to him to shout "Stop it, name" next time they do it and we have had a practice.

DH is taking him in to school as the sad thing is the teacher might take more notice of him. I think they think I am over protective. The teacher says my child is a pleasure to teach but I know he needs to learn ways of handling situations.

I want to get him into judo as a way of gaining confidence but have no idea how to go about finding a class or how much they cost.

This child is much older in some ways, has a real attitude about them, and I want them to leave my son alone!

OP posts:

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sawyerisyummy · 14/05/2008 14:06

ask for a meeting with the teacher

if the situation doesn't improve ask for a meeting with the head

this has to be sorted

mankyscotslass · 14/05/2008 14:16

oh, it's so hard isn't it? Ds can be a little horror with his siblings too, but I have only ever had glowing reports from school. Now this is happening, and I don't want it to taint his school years. Maybe I am making more of it than I should, but I am his mother, and it feels wrong. I think he needs to know that as much as I bollock him when he is wrong, I will stand up for him and fight his corner when he is the victim. I will see what has happened today...I try not to ask, as he has a tendency to exaggerate, but when he tells me off his own bat I tend to get a clear picture.
I think we need to do what feels right.

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 14:47

I am off to get him now. Can't wait. I will ask him how his day has gone and then decide if I need to speak to the teacher now.

Thanks.

OP posts:

barnical · 14/05/2008 15:05

Sorry to hear about this NAB
We have been through a similar thing with both my boys. The Judo thing is a great Idea.. we also did this and here's a link for you to help find a club.

British Judo Association

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 16:46

I decided I would speak to the teacher after school to try and nip this in the bud, especially as he said the child had done something today. The teacher is oblivious and said she doesn't see any of this and Ds doesn't tell her. I made it quite clear that 2 years is enough and I want this stopped. I have aslo said I am getting to the point where I will tell him to hit back. She wasn't pleased with that but I am not pleased at my son sobbing his heart out.

Thank you for the judo link.

OP posts:

cory · 14/05/2008 16:52

In dc's school they have bullying awareness assemblies where the children are told that they must report it to a dinner lady/teacher if another child is frightened or hurt. That way the adults can't hide behind "I didn't see anything". They are told to help anyone who is upset or hurt to get to an adult. It works.

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 16:55

He tells the teacher and nothing ever happens. I told the teacher today that if anything does happen from it, that he needs to see that it does.

OP posts:

TwoToTango · 14/05/2008 17:11

for your DS - putting up with that for 2 years.

I had similar problem - during first term of Yr 1 - I went in to see the teacher twice (I found it best to pop in and see him in the morning and ask if I could see him for a word after school).

Teacher was quite shocked to hear of what had been going on as the other child was clever enough to punch/kick/pinch etc when no adults were about. The teacher and the TA both made sure that they noticed - words were had and it stopped.

Hope you get it sorted

mankyscotslass · 14/05/2008 17:13

Good for you for saying something, at least now they know where you stand on it, and your DS knows you are supporting him. I suppose the ball is back in their court really.
Eldest Manky's teacher was absent again today, so I am in limbo on this issue and also another niggle that's been going on for months. I don't know what to do. I think I am going to have to see if she comes back this week, or at the start of next week, and if not ask at the office who has pastoral care for her class in her absence. ARGH.
DS seemed ok this afternoon though.

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 17:31

This child is, imo, sly and I am sure is good at making sure no one sees. The teacher knows I don't like the child or their mother due to all this. Last year the child dropped their underwear and showed my son their genitals.

This is the first time I have really felt like I have made my feelings very clear and that I want it stopped.

I asked my son if he felt it was personal (the teacher thinks he thinks it is and also says he needs to learn that some things are part and parcel of school and to learn how to respond) or if the child bullies them because they can. He thinks it is the latter. I told him that is why he has to make it clear to them they can not do this to him.

mankyscotslass Could you write a letter detailing your concerns and ask at the office who needs to see it? Good that your child was okay today.

OP posts:

piratecat · 14/05/2008 17:39

i went to dd's teacher about one particular child, who was now and again picking on mydd.

That teacher spoke to the child teacher.

Child was taken to one side and spoken too.

In fact child's teacher, said to my dd's teacher, that this particular child was always being catty and orrible.

slng · 14/05/2008 19:49

NaB: "some things are part and parcel of school and to learn how to respond" What utter bollocks this teacher talks! Is she teaching him how to respond? Is she teaching the other child that such behaviour is unacceptable? What the f**k is she teaching!!?? What is their anti-bullying policy? (I find it's always useful to ask people about their policies!) I am getting so angry just hearing these institutional bollocks! Hope you get a satisfactory response. Else go higher.

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 19:59

It's like when I talk to my friend about his behaviour to me at times. She says it is normal. I figure just because something is normal (back chatting your mother/hitting siblings/etc) does that mean you have to put up with it? And I feel the same about this.

Hubby has said if we have to go in again he will escalate it.

Teacher says it is very hard when she doesn't see any of the incidents and he doesn't tell her. Maybe he is sick of teachers not doing anything? It mostly happens at play time but does happen in work time too.

OP posts:

slng · 14/05/2008 20:06

I agree that just because some people think it's normal doesn't mean you have to put up with it. FFS it was NORMAL that women didn't have the vote. Honestly. What a stupid argument.

Have you ever seen an incident? What does your little boy want you to do about it?

I think you should ask for the anti-bullying policy. All schools should have one. Asking for a policy implies

you know what you are talking about
you are very serious about it
you are ready to take this institution to a higher institution ie LEA and ofsted

Good luck.

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 20:14

We will definitely sort this.

This child dropped her knickers at him FFS in year one!

Plus lots of other things obviously!

OP posts:

critterjitter · 14/05/2008 20:35

Have you tried writing a letter to the Head, copied to the Teacher or ringing the Head every single time an incident happens?

What are the parents of this child like?

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 20:37

The mother told me I wasn't bringing my child up properly as I have told him not to hit back.

The child has attitude all over their face.

I suspect her child is very spoilt.

OP posts:

critterjitter · 14/05/2008 20:46

Then I think your only option is to keep on and on at the Head and Class Teacher until they recognise that you won't go away.

Record every incident and follow up the next day with a letter to the Head copied to the Class Teacher. Ask for observations to be made at all times when your son is in contact with this child. Then compare these with your son's recollection of events and promptly feed back to the school.

Don't be fobbed off with all that "he seems very happy." Once they start it, you need to be responding with; "Well clearly not, or I wouldn't be sitting here today...." until they start to take you seriously.

Miggsie · 14/05/2008 22:42

well, I am not recommending this personally but I pass on the following from a friend of mine:

Apparently if the DAD (or some other interested male relative) of the child who is being bullied, saunters up to the bully ever so casually one day leans down and says in a very low voice "you touch my child again and I'll sort you out, boy" or similar then:

the bully nearly wets themselves
AND
the bullying stops

It's one strategy I suppose.

I think talking to the school first is preferable BUT if this mother thinks her son has the sun shining out of every orifice nothing they say to her will affect stuff, and she will also tell her boy he is not in the wrong.
Mothers like this should also be pitied as they also truly believe their son never swears, and as, a teenager, always sleeps with their hands above the covers.

I know one mother like this. Make you want to puke don't they? Their boys are always sly as they are so used to manipulating their mother and knowing they will always get away with it.

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:53

Interestingly the bully is a girl.

OP posts:

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:54

If my husband did that the child would go running to mummy and the bullying would get worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:54

If my husband did that the child would go running to mummy and the bullying would get worse.

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/05/2008 09:15

funnily enough, yesterday a friend of mine was talking about when her daughter was bullied many years ago, and she felt the school was not taking any notice

she said she went to the mum in the school playground and told her that if her child didnt stop bullying her daughter, then she would start bullying the mum!

not my way of dealing with it, but it got sorted i think

Original poster

NotABanana · 15/05/2008 13:30

I wouldn't dare. I have had words with her before and she really kicked off.

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/05/2008 15:40

i think you need to speak to the teacher, then if it is not resolved, take it to the head, and if you are still not happy go to the giverners

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