Missing first week of reception for a family wedding abroad

[RosesJ]

Hi we have just found out a sibling has booked their wedding abroad the week our child is due to start reception.

If we attend this would mean our child will miss the first week of reception and I am not sure what is best to do as obviously we are heartbroken if we have to miss the wedding too.

our little one is shy and I feel like the first week is really important for settling in etc for them especially if shy! We did mention about the starting school dates issue etc and they said they would work it so we could go without missing it but it hasn’t turned out that way.

I would hate to miss the special day but I am thinking our child’s first day of school is something we will never get back. If it was any other year I would happily miss the first couple of days but I feel like reception is a really big thing?

what would you all do?

I would find out from the school first it’s definitely that week because often at a lot of school reception start one week later and the first week is the teachers doing home visits or the kids may just go in for half a day or something. But I wouldn’t want to miss the first day either. If it was my sisters kids I wouldn’t have booked it for Sept and expect them to come

I think your som should go to school, i think the first week is very important.

Can you settle her in, then leave her with her Dad and go to just one or two days of the wedding?

Your sister knew about the dates, so she shouldn't try to guilt you into going to her wedding instead. If you did go, you'd be distracted and wouldn't enjoy it.

Schools normally do weeks of settling in activities, it won't be the end of the world if they miss their first day.

And their first day is really not a big deal or anything special (and better for the child if you don't make it so). It's just watching them walk into a building :)

I have 3 kids all in school, I would do the wedding personally.

Definitely don't let him miss out. The first week will be important to you to.

Does your sister not have kids? I would ask my sister why she booked it then. Did you ever discuss it when she was thinking of booking?

The wedding is one day. Does it clash with the first day of school specifically or you don't know when that is exactly?

Reception usually starts a week or two after the rest of the school, and there could be weeks of half days after that.

Surely you don't even know what school he'll be at yet so there's no way you know when the start date is.
It could be anything from September 1st to a week later and often there's usually (dragged out) staggered starts for Reception.
Hold off worrying for now.
(although surely your sister would have thought not to book September 🙄)

I'd not want to miss that first week of reception - although it's likely part time week so find out which hours your lo would be doing and you might feel better about going.
It'll be fine if you start in week 2 but it's not something I'd really want to do. But missing a family event and opportunity for holiday is also important if you can afford to go.

The wedding will be either the day school begins or the day before so either way we will be missing the first day.

this is going off previous years of school starting and reception have always started with the rest of school at this particular school.

I understand they don’t do much and it is settling in but if they are shy I think it is unfair to make them start later.

this was mentioned pre booking about the dates but they have gone ahead and booked anyway and just said hopefully it starts the week later so you can all make it.

As above, it's often drawn out. Even if it's not, you're child will be fine. One week less of school will probably be beneficial to their exhaustion in first term.

However, if they are not already going to a preschool or nursery, I would advise doing that, somewhere where a few of the kids will go to reception. It helps massively with confidence, social skills, rules and routines. If they're doing that already that's the main social benefit which will totally override one week of reception.

MN typically hates destination weddings, so that will influence the replies.

I got married abroad. I think you absolutely should prioritise school over the wedding.

Ps1. The first day of school will always be the first day whether it's the same as everyone else or not.

Ps2. It may be beneficial to start when some of the others are calmer anywhere as first week can be upsetting so too many criers just creates more criers. Hopefully some will be settled by the second week.

I’d definitely go the wedding but would also try to be around for at least some of the first week of school. Where is it relative to where you live and do you really have to go for a whole week? Arrive day before the wedding and leave the day afterwards would be how I’d plan it, unless it’s super long haul and jet lag is going to be a major issue.

If you can't go then too bad for your sister.
She should had some common sense that September would be out - unless you're in Leicestershire who are just weird and start last week of August (why !).
As I said though - you won't have been allocated a school yet. He could end up somewhere completely different to the school you want him to go too.

The schools release their dates for the following year a year in advance so example next years dates are already available to see. Yes technically it may be another school but we have no reason as to why we wouldn’t get into this one hence why I am already worrying lol. I have mentioned in another comment this school does not do staggered starts I have friends with children here and they always start full days with the rest of the school, that is why I have come here just for some advice as if it was staggered start etc I wouldn’t be so worried :)

I would say that the parent whose sibling is getting married goes to the wedding. The other parent stays at home so your child can start school.

We had a pre booked holiday prior to my dd starting school nursery, but that was 3 weeks into the first term. If it had been the first week, I would've cancelled the holiday.

It's big thing to children, everything is new and if the child is quite shy, them starting a week after everyone else might make them feel on the outside.
Plus not all reception years do a phased start, DD's didn't

I agree with this. I’m a TA in foundation. Children are way more resilient than we think. Don’t tell your child that everyone started a week before.

I wouldn’t dream of having my child miss the first week of reception to accommodate the wedding of an aunt or uncle who knowingly booked it to clash with that start of term. My children come first and I think the first week is really important. I wouldn’t put them on the back foot with settling in, making friends, understanding the routines etc. for someone’s wedding. The teacher will have designed that first week to help them settle and I would hate for my child to be the one that appears the following week once all the others have started to get to know one another. No big deal for an adult, perhaps, but for a four year old I believe these things matter.

Historically the industrial holiday known as the Leicester fortnight was the first two weeks of July so schools break up earlier so go back earlier.

I also wouldn’t miss being there for my child’s first week of school to go to the wedding alone. If it was my husbands sibling I’d be fine with him going alone but I wouldn’t go if it was his sibling or mine. They have shown that your attendance isn’t a priority or they wouldn’t have booked it that week 🤷‍♀️

@Harassedevictee kinda annoying though when you have family and friends who live on the border 😂😂😂
@RosesJ to be honest quite often there are children who start late. Ones who are on the waiting list and a place comes up. My friends son had his tonsils out and missed his first week. He was fine.
It's all down to how much you like your sister really.......

It doesn't really matter either way, just do what you prefer.

If you want to go to the wedding, go - child will be fine.
If you don't want to go, don't go - you have the perfect excuse.

I would say that the parent whose sibling is getting married goes to the wedding. The other parent stays at home so your child can start school.

I’d do this. As long as one parent is with the child on the first day, that’s ok. But I don’t think I’d have the child miss the first day. I think, very logically speaking, it would be ok to do that, and a day a week later would be fine etc etc, but I’d want to avoid that if at all possible (unless illness or something).

I've got three kids in school.

There's absolutely no way I'd miss their first day or any of their first few weeks at school. It's such an important milestone for them. They'd be the odd one out right from the start and a step behind the other kids in things that seem tiny to adults but are huge to kids - where to put your coat, where they keep the lego, the story they read on the first day etc.