Missing first week of reception for a family wedding abroad

[RosesJ]

Hi we have just found out a sibling has booked their wedding abroad the week our child is due to start reception.

If we attend this would mean our child will miss the first week of reception and I am not sure what is best to do as obviously we are heartbroken if we have to miss the wedding too.

our little one is shy and I feel like the first week is really important for settling in etc for them especially if shy! We did mention about the starting school dates issue etc and they said they would work it so we could go without missing it but it hasn’t turned out that way.

I would hate to miss the special day but I am thinking our child’s first day of school is something we will never get back. If it was any other year I would happily miss the first couple of days but I feel like reception is a really big thing?

what would you all do?

Gosh in that case I stand corrected! I have no memory of mine at all :)

@Helpisonitswaydear I don't remember my first day of school either.
I have other very specific memories of being in the Infants but no memory of the first day.

My eldest started reception this year. It was really exciting for our DD and us. They did photos, had balloon arches at the classroom door, met their year 6 buddies. I would have been gutted to miss it. Gutted for me but also gutted knowing DD had missed out. She had so much to tell us over those first few days about what it was like.

Given your circumstances, OP - I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

I agree @Givingmetalktalk A child needs to go into school day 1 in my opinion, it may cause future years of anxiety and stress to your DC if they aren't bonding with the class from day 1.

I’ve forgotten quite a few other things though 😂

I remember my first day very clearly as it was pretty stressful and un-nerving. From conversations, so do many of my family members and friends. The sibling is an adult making a choice that negatively impacts a child's education and emotional wellbeing. I'm afraid they'd just need to get over it, or at least work on their own emotional immaturity if they were to hold a grudge towards OP for prioritising a four year old.

For me, it's a no brainer too - don't do anything which will set a small child on the back foot.

OP, from a former teacher's perspective;

a) Check for certain that the date of the wedding is a date that actually does clash with the very first day of Reception. There are lots of different timetables for new starters and they won't always start on the same day as the rest of the school. Some schools nearby start Reception the week before the whole school is in, others start anything from one week to two weeks later with lots of home visits/settling in sessions for the first few weeks. So it may be that you don't need to miss out on the Wedding as it may not necessarily clash with the first day of school. That being said, getting into a routine before starting school is also in the best interests of the child. Late nights, international travel, overstimulating environments are all things that should be taken into account when making a decision.

b) PLEASE, do not miss the first day of school. It is a milestone and it is important for the child to start with their peers on a schedule that's been planned to help them settle. It's an age where feeling left out/different/on the back foot can easily impact upon a child's confidence for a while to come and can need a lot of extra effort from home and school to help a child get over. Their feelings over starting school can be huge and overwhelming anyway (though not always!). Anything you can do to help the transition run as smoothly as possible is what is best for your child. It's not just that starting later is less than ideal, it is something you can't get a do-over on. Your child has to come first here and, given your updates, I know you are a very caring parent and will do the right thing.

I'm thinking the 'sibling' is brother not sister, and it's his fiancée who's decided the date.
There are lots of places in the country that you would be going to your local school, not like the London lottery of school choices, and OP has said that they don't do staggered starts/half days etc, so the DC would be missing a full week fo getting to know the other children.

@RosesJ I missed the first week of term when I was 8 for a family holiday - at the time I liked that it made me feel special to have had an extra week of summer holidays, and there was a scramble to have me join two different tables - BUT - I was returning to a class of known friends, with tales of a month abroad... and even if your DC knows some children from nursery, 5 year olds can have short memories.
My children's primary, back in the day, did three term intake for reception, the idea being you didn't (as in my case) go at just turned four, but as a rising 5. Kids who had been best friends in nursery just six months previously no longer socialised once at school because the Easter intake were split between two forms and all the older children had established their friendships already. So, in my experience, and as you say your DC is shy, I'd not be having them try to make friends a week after everyone else has already done so.

Id prioritise the first day of school given that your sibling was rubbish enough to not factor it in

I’m another echoing ask the school. My eldest started school and they introduced the class in twos. So two started first morning then two more joined in afternoon. By end of week they had 20. My son was one of the youngest and it went by age so didn’t start till Friday anyway.

We missed a wedding for our dds first week. They needed the settling in, the orientation, the understanding and extra support from staff. It’s daunting enough starting at least your all in the same boat on that first day, your not the only one who doesn’t have a peg, doesn’t know what’s happening at lunch. Or who to ask for a wee

i wouldn’t miss it.

Is your child already at a nursery connected to the school?

In our area where good primary schools are hugely over subscribed a child not turning up for the first week would be looked at as a possible no-show and the place reallocated. I don’t think they can actually withdraw the place after one week but you would need to make sure the school were ok with it and confident that you would be starting the week after.

i understand that your school does not do staggered starts, ours did, which meant that my Dc ‘missed’ the first week of school and started on their first day… which was theirs and ours first day of school, iyswim.

In our school the youngest went in first so that they were in the smallest group for the first day

my Dd recently had a girl start in her class mid October because they moved from abroad. You wouldn’t know now that she hadn’t started with the rest of them. Unless your child is very shy missing the first day or 2 of reception isn’t going to matter. He will still have his first day of school it’ll just be later.

I do appreciate this but I feel like this is completely different circumstances moving from another country and taking out to a wedding. I know some kids miss due to illness etc but this just doesn’t feel right to miss to me and I know other comments have said it is about me not him and that is very true, it ultimately is too because it is a very important milestone to me. But also why should they not pick a date they want for their wedding just to suit me?

I'd definitely miss the wedding. Unfortunately your sister has shown what's important to her and I'm afraid I'd dig my heels in and miss her wedding. Unless there is some excellent reason why the wedding HAD to be then, I'd be pretty pissed off tbh. I'm sure your child would've loved to attend his auntie's wedding yet she's deliberately chosen a date he can't attend. Why can't she do it literally 1 week before FGS.

In that circumstance I would go to the wedding alone and only go for 48 hours. If I didn't have a partner to take my child to school I would stay home.

First week school is absolutely critical for welfare and settling in.

Check the starting date. Could he be one of the later starters? Otherwise I'd miss the wedding.

Go to the wedding, turn up a little early to the school the following week so she can acclimatise . Everyone will still be new and settling.

The wedding is a far more important occasion and having your little one at the wedding is deeply meaningful. You will both still have a first day at school on your return. The kids will all take a lot of settling, not just yours. Ridiculous to miss the wedding

I would go to the wedding

The first day of school will be child's first day. If that's the schools first day or just his first day it is still the first day.

The wedding is also a first (first wedding, first wedding abroad etc, first wedding of aunty B etc)

Time with family and making memories is so important (imagine looking at wedding photos of the whole family and you and child are missing)

My child has not had a good school experience. School does not work for them at all. Looking back at first day is just a reminder of the start of what caused anxiety and depression.

Is it Easy Jet Europe or long haul ? Would it really be a whole week or can you do the wedding within 48 hours? Could she start school on a Monday and then take Thu and Fri off?

I would miss the wedding and prioritise the 1st day of school but I'm not a fan of wedding abroad so perhaps that colours my judgement! Unless one half of the couple is from that location getting 50+ people to fly from the same place to somewhere else at an inconvenient time is just annoying!

The only time I school would take priority over a family wedding that was important to me would be if my child was sitting an exam.

I'd try and look at the broader picture. Your child will have many educational milestone. This wedding will only happen once.

I remember my first day.
But you will still have memories if your first day is later than others. Because its still your first day.

I know other comments have said it is about me not him and that is very true, it ultimately is too because it is a very important milestone to me.

This milestone still happens whether you witness it first hand or not. You will still get to see them dressed in their uniform (if they have one), meet the teacher, do school runs. Really being there for the first day(s) is important for your child but not for you, as long as they have a parent there that is enough.

If you don’t go, I think there is a risk that at 9am once your DC is dropped off, you will be twiddling your thumbs and wondering why you are not at your sibling’s wedding.