Page 5 | Son called a disgrace over something he didn't do

Baby2020triplets · 2024-11-11T19:15:56+00:00

My son along with three other students got called a disgrace to the school over something they didn't do , I witness the accident and said which student it was and they didn't get told however the 4 students (including my son) got blamed ,the head teacher called all 4 a disgrace to the school and embrassement to the class , if my son had done it it would be fair enough however he didn't none of the children who got blamed did anything wrong. I spoke to the head and she point blank refused to apologise after we ask her to she told us they deserved to be called a disgrace to the school even after I told her I saw it happen , I asked her not to be alone with my son as he is extremely upset by it I asked dshe didn't have contact with him one a 1:1 until this matter was sorted out and investigated she tole me this is her school and I don't get to tell her what to do Am I over reacting

LePetitMaman · 12/11/2024 19:36

Boutonnière · 12/11/2024 08:44

Your son is ‘very sensitive’ - hardly surprising when Mummy overreacts to everything and wants to demand the headteacher isn’t left alone with her baby boy ! Your son already said he didn’t want you watching what he was doing, but you did anyway - there is a difference between being interested in your children’s lives and obsessive over involvement.

This.

You sound like an overbearing pita to be honest and I doubt any of the other parents want an apology, they just nod and agree with you when you insist you should all get one in the hope it ends the conversation faster.

You are doing your son no favours by turning up when he's asked you not too. Telling the head she can't be alone with your child. Seriously. You're that parent. And that's not good.

MargaretThursday · 12/11/2024 19:43

If your ring door bell can see onto the field then it is not legally set up. It should not be able to see beyond your property.
If you can identify people on it who are on the field then expect to find yourself asked to remove it.

geekygardener · 12/11/2024 20:09

Op it's natural to feel protective of your dc and to easily take on the role of rescuer when we feel they have been wronged (even if that is something small). Seeing your dc upset over injustice can bring on irrational feelings. I doubt there is a parent anywhere that hasn't felt this way at least once. However, part of parenting is setting our own feelings aside and making an effort to step back from such things. We are raising the world's future adults and good parenting is recognising that we have to teach them the world is unfair and they need to learn to get over it. Resilience is one of the most important qualities a parent can encourage in our dc. PP are saying you have overreacted because in the grand scheme of life this event is quite insignificant and something most people will experience many times. That doesn't mean we can help feeling upset us or our dc have experienced this as well can't help our feelings but we have to force ourselves to accept it and think rationally. Acting out of these feelings is never a good thing and mostly leads to us doing or saying things that are over the top or leads to further negative feelings. It's important we do not prolong such things or make them bigger than they should be because we feel a certain way. We should model to our dc how we acknowledge the injustice, our annoyance around this and then we move on. In real life we cannot right all wrong ha that happen to us and dc need to be able to accept this in a healthy way.

It's quite common in secondary school. My dc often comes home saying the teacher had a go at her group or class due to the behaviour of one or two pupils. My reaction is usually to say how mean that is and then shrug and move on.

If you continue this you are dragging out your son's feeling of shame and shame can be a dangerous emotion if not managed appropriately. I wonder if your reaction to this may stem from your own experience of shame? You don't need to answer that but it's worth thinking about. I think it's important we reflect on our own feelings and experiences and how we can sometimes transfer these to our dc, without meaning to. An example for me is, I struggled to fit in as a teen, when I see my dc having friendships struggles it can make me irrationally angry or upset. I have to work very hard to remind myself it's about her and she's not me.

Let it go op and work on what you will do next time.

Littletreefrog · 12/11/2024 20:13

geekygardener · 12/11/2024 20:09

Op it's natural to feel protective of your dc and to easily take on the role of rescuer when we feel they have been wronged (even if that is something small). Seeing your dc upset over injustice can bring on irrational feelings. I doubt there is a parent anywhere that hasn't felt this way at least once. However, part of parenting is setting our own feelings aside and making an effort to step back from such things. We are raising the world's future adults and good parenting is recognising that we have to teach them the world is unfair and they need to learn to get over it. Resilience is one of the most important qualities a parent can encourage in our dc. PP are saying you have overreacted because in the grand scheme of life this event is quite insignificant and something most people will experience many times. That doesn't mean we can help feeling upset us or our dc have experienced this as well can't help our feelings but we have to force ourselves to accept it and think rationally. Acting out of these feelings is never a good thing and mostly leads to us doing or saying things that are over the top or leads to further negative feelings. It's important we do not prolong such things or make them bigger than they should be because we feel a certain way. We should model to our dc how we acknowledge the injustice, our annoyance around this and then we move on. In real life we cannot right all wrong ha that happen to us and dc need to be able to accept this in a healthy way.

It's quite common in secondary school. My dc often comes home saying the teacher had a go at her group or class due to the behaviour of one or two pupils. My reaction is usually to say how mean that is and then shrug and move on.

If you continue this you are dragging out your son's feeling of shame and shame can be a dangerous emotion if not managed appropriately. I wonder if your reaction to this may stem from your own experience of shame? You don't need to answer that but it's worth thinking about. I think it's important we reflect on our own feelings and experiences and how we can sometimes transfer these to our dc, without meaning to. An example for me is, I struggled to fit in as a teen, when I see my dc having friendships struggles it can make me irrationally angry or upset. I have to work very hard to remind myself it's about her and she's not me.

Let it go op and work on what you will do next time.

Excellent post.

Hihosilver123 · 13/11/2024 16:13

geekygardener · 12/11/2024 20:09

Op it's natural to feel protective of your dc and to easily take on the role of rescuer when we feel they have been wronged (even if that is something small). Seeing your dc upset over injustice can bring on irrational feelings. I doubt there is a parent anywhere that hasn't felt this way at least once. However, part of parenting is setting our own feelings aside and making an effort to step back from such things. We are raising the world's future adults and good parenting is recognising that we have to teach them the world is unfair and they need to learn to get over it. Resilience is one of the most important qualities a parent can encourage in our dc. PP are saying you have overreacted because in the grand scheme of life this event is quite insignificant and something most people will experience many times. That doesn't mean we can help feeling upset us or our dc have experienced this as well can't help our feelings but we have to force ourselves to accept it and think rationally. Acting out of these feelings is never a good thing and mostly leads to us doing or saying things that are over the top or leads to further negative feelings. It's important we do not prolong such things or make them bigger than they should be because we feel a certain way. We should model to our dc how we acknowledge the injustice, our annoyance around this and then we move on. In real life we cannot right all wrong ha that happen to us and dc need to be able to accept this in a healthy way.

It's quite common in secondary school. My dc often comes home saying the teacher had a go at her group or class due to the behaviour of one or two pupils. My reaction is usually to say how mean that is and then shrug and move on.

If you continue this you are dragging out your son's feeling of shame and shame can be a dangerous emotion if not managed appropriately. I wonder if your reaction to this may stem from your own experience of shame? You don't need to answer that but it's worth thinking about. I think it's important we reflect on our own feelings and experiences and how we can sometimes transfer these to our dc, without meaning to. An example for me is, I struggled to fit in as a teen, when I see my dc having friendships struggles it can make me irrationally angry or upset. I have to work very hard to remind myself it's about her and she's not me.

Let it go op and work on what you will do next time.

This ☝️ Well said.