Son called a disgrace over something he didn't do

[Baby2020triplets]

My son along with three other students got called a disgrace to the school over something they didn't do ,

I witness the accident and said which student it was and they didn't get told however the 4 students (including my son) got blamed ,the head teacher called all 4 a disgrace to the school and embrassement to the class , if my son had done it it would be fair enough however he didn't none of the children who got blamed did anything wrong.

I spoke to the head and she point blank refused to apologise after we ask her to she told us they deserved to be called a disgrace to the school even after I told her I saw it happen ,
I asked her not to be alone with my son as he is extremely upset by it I asked dshe didn't have contact with him one a 1:1 until this matter was sorted out and investigated she tole me this is her school and I don't get to tell her what to do

Am I over reacting

Sorry but it sounds like the boys were messing around on their bikes and maybe in the way of the track or whatever and another boy rode into them. There was probably some shouting on the floor of “you stupid knob” or similar and the teacher has gone out, seen the chaos and hauled them all in for a bollocking from the head. Sounds very normal to me. Even my toddlers get told off together for fighting and I ignore the wails of “but she pushed me first!”

Tell your son to accept his telling off with good grace, even if it wasn’t really his fault, but you believe him and that’s the most important thing. He needs to toughen up I’m afraid otherwise getting a job in the future (especially dealing with the general public where EVERYTHING is your fault) will be a terrible shock.

It’s really annoying when you’re blamed for something you haven’t done.

However, it’s unlikely in the situation you’ve described that all the children weren’t doing anything a bit silly, in my experience. It sounds like an extreme reaction from the head?

Any complaint you make is unlikely to go anywhere, so I’d use this as an opportunity to learn about resilience and mutter under your breath about her.

If you ever want your written communication to have weight, you need to either improve it or use Chatgtp or something.

This post makes absolutely no sense to me at all! First it was thank goodness you were passing at that moment, then it switched to the fact that you'd gone actually gone to watch them?! Make your mind up! Hardly surprising the head teacher isn't listening to you really, if you come across to her like you are on this post!

Your ring doorbell really shouldn't be recording activity from the village playing field because that is beyond your boundary!
I'd suggest you address that issue before telling a head teacher not to be alone with your child because giving a child/children a bollocking for potentially messing around, is small fry compared to what you're doing!

They were all riding their bikes on the playing field? Well that puts them in the wrong from the start!

Why was he cycling on the village playing field( which incidentally usually have a blanket no cycling on the grass rule) in a school PE lesson?

OP, this is one minor incident of four boys being told off for something they didn't do. It isn't uncommon. Are they even being sanctioned for it beyond a telling off?

You'll help your son more by giving him the tools to tolerate a brief injustice than by going to war with the Head over it.

Ah I see it was bike ability!

But Op you do not get to dictate what happens in school! I think YOU probably owe the HT an apology too!

You shouldn’t be filming children on the village green on your ring doorbell. There are rules that you have to follow if are filming outside the boundaries of your property. I certainly wouldn’t make a formal complaint because whilst the head has done something slightly annoying you are probably breaking the law.

We also said the other parents of the children who got blamed and me said we would like to make a formal complaint she said you can but nothing will happen so I would bother

Don’t trust anyone who says there’s no point in making a complaint because nothing will happen. If nothing will happen, why do they care that you’re making the complaint?

Take it to the governors. She might be right that nothing will happen, but that’s no reason why I should make it easy for her.

I know you think you’re sticking up for your son, but this type of right fighting is not going to be helpful for him in the long term.

He got told off for something he didn’t do. It’s not fair but not exactly the end of the world and you need to pick your battles and teach him to move on.

You are not going to force the head into apologising.

I asked her not to be alone with my son as he is extremely upset by it I asked dshe didn't have contact with him one a 1:1 until this matter was sorted out and investigated she tole me this is her school and I don't get to tell her what to do

.I personally find it very difficult to believe one cyclist crashed into 4 others and didn't fall off but 4 others did.It sounds like dangerous horseplay to me and I suspect your ring bell was too far away and didnt capture any dialogue to give proper context.I am sure the instructor's testimony is mote reliable.

Not withstanding all that, you are crazy to think you can demand the headteachers movements.The governors are not going to support you, especially as your ds has already received an apology.

Christ on a bike.
Good job your son wasn’t at school in the 70s. The two of you would have collapsed in shock every minute of everyday.
I pity teachers with the entitlement of many modern parents.
Obviously schools needed to improve from the historical horrors many of us went through but get a grip, a sense of perspective and teach your son some resilience because life will not always go his way.

Whilst I don't disagree, if someone makes a mistake, and is aware that they have made a false accusation, they should acknowledge that and apologise. A headteacher should set an example, not brag about their being above such things.

@TeabySea I don't think for a minute the headteacher took that stance. They wouldn't be in a job if they did! I think the OP is overdramatising to be honest.

Same in the 80s. I was a really anxious, eager to please kid and hated being told off - but it honestly would not have resulted in me feeling "threatened" or refusing to be in a room with a head on my own, and my parents wouldn't even have considered demanding that.

And yes, I do have, if you will, lived experience of being blamed for stuff that wasn't my fault. It has happened at every stage of my life because it is just a thing that happens sometimes.

This is an opportunity to teach your son to move on from things when they go wrong. Particularly because he is a model student he won't have much experience with this. He needs to learn resilience if being told off and considering whether anything can be learnt from it (or not) is really important. It sounds to me like you are allowing him to fall apart and to be petrified of the headteacher. Teach him not to over react and to get over things, being blamed for things can happen even as an adult (e.g. in the work place). Things are not always fair - good life lesson.

A head cannot run a school being banned from dealing with particular students.

If you are really aggrieved, make a complaint to the chair of governors who can investigate.

Why were the children on bikes on the local playing field? You contradict yourself as first you said you were just walking past and happened to see the incident, then later you say you were watching as you knew the children would be there.
what actually happened though?

I'm pretty horrified that a ring doorbell is being used to record school children doing sport. Have all the other parents given you consent?

There is a grassed area where kids play right across from my house. My ring camera's default setting captures it. I changed the zones to avoid it because the notifications drove me mad, but there is absolutely no legal need for me to do so, nor to go knock in the door of every parent who might have a kid who plays there. As long as you have a sign up making people aware there is a camera, that's all you need to do. OP could have stood at her window and filmed it on her phone, she does not need permission to do so.

OP - in the kindest possible way, I think you need to walk away from this. It really is an over-reaction, and certainly not the basis for a formal complaint. Help your son to move on it. He knows he didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not a big thing.

I think you need to let this go OP, and your son needs to toughen up a bit. A teacher shouting at a group of children s pretty standard stuff, and sometimes they may shout at the wrong child. But so what? It's not like some note is made on a file that will follow your son around forever.

As far as the head will be concerned, the incident happened, she dealt with it by yelling at some kids, and everyone has since moved on. You and your son need to as well. This really doesn't sound like a big deal, unless you let it be.

I really don’t think the headteacher of my kids school would ever speak to one of the pupils like that.

And we don't know that this headteacher did. As good as OPs Ring doorbell is I doubt it extends to inside the school.