can i tell you about my dd?

[nailpolish]

my dd seems to be very individual
she is the only child in the whole school who wears the entire school uniform every day. all other children just wear a polo shirt and trousers, dd wears long sleeved shirt, tie, doulbe breasted pinafore etc etc. she CHOOSES to do this. once i said to her "why dont you wear a polo shirt? itll be easier for gym time" she said "no thanks mummy, i like my shirt and tie its very smart"
so i just left it. if shes happy...
also
she isnt into things other girls are. but she is HAPPY with this.
until she tries ot join in and its awkward for her.
she also looks different (apart from the uniform) she has short frizzy hair that drives ME batty but dd loves her hair! shes always brushing it and says how beautiful it is she wears wierd combinations of clothes but as long as its not a bikini in midwinter then i just leave her to it
she isnt interested in toys. she will do the odd word search or pencil puzzle but mostly she just draws, cuts, sticks, paints, glues all day long. she has never bothered with dolls or the like.

anyway (crying here) i worry that one day she will see the difference with her and her friends and be sad. just now she is happy (except when feeling awkward about joining in - she sometimes tries and it comes across as her being bossy and shouty)
i just want her to be happy

doyou think is worth it - speaking to teaher

i like your idea of speaking about feelings - thanks

i know she is young but i will do that

Does she have similar personality traits to anyone else in the family ?
How have they turned out ?
If you decide to talk to the teacher - what would you say ?

yes i am trying not to let my own experiences of school get in the way, but its difficult!

She sounds like a cracker.
I bloody love kids like this.
My dd is pretty off the wall but I never worry about how she or I are seen. Trying to 'fit in' is not a healthy or rational way to live.

Other people see through this effort and it only causes more pain. As you know,I work with hundreds of different kids in hundreds of different schools. I also went to an all girls' boearding school for years (very weird places) and can tell yuo unequivocally that those who plough their own furrow gain a lot of respect and kudos.

(Btw, all my family is seen as bonkers.Certain people in this village still talk in hushed tones about

1. The time I bought a tortilla for my kids to eat in the playground after school
2. The smoked salmon sandwiches I bought to the Sunday school party
3. The fact I don't let anyone bring presents and cards to my kids' parties
4. The tin of caviar I donated to the school raffle. (The cleaner won it.)

As Fleewtwood Mac sang 'You can go yuor own way'

i have no idea what id say
id probably just cry!
i am so emotional about this

dd is quite similar to dh - dh loves his own company although he has thousands of friends. he is extremely brainy too. we went to school together and dh was a right geek - but he didnt care and neither did his friends

god i am gushing a load of rubbish now

MD i wish you could meet dd

Message withdrawn

nailpolish, your dd sounds delightful and characterful. What a shame the teacher does not recognise this enough to reassure you that children like this ARE happy much of the time. My dd sounds quite a bit like yours - no tumbling locks here either, and a refreshingly individual take on school life, which means she does not fit in with the moppets in her Reception class.
She does like dollies, true (although she spends much more time cutting, "writing" and sticking) - and she does have one good friend who is as crackers as she is. But neither is that integrated with their peers right now.
Do go and speak to her teacher and make the points you have made on this thread. If you are concerned about your dd's long-term happiness at school, then the class teacher has to be the first port of call.
Your dd1 will also be aware of what is needed to be more "conventional" from dd2, should she wish to conform more when she is older. It's lovely that they get on so well
Tbh I think there is probably a disproportionate percentage of women on Mumsnet who marched to the beat of their own drum during school. Just look at all those threads for people who were not "popular" at school with 200 plus posts on them!
And look at what an opinionated, funny, intelligent and worthwhile lot we all are

dh always says i can see right into the heart of people. i do this obviously every day with my own children - i wish other people could see my dd the same

Noonoe will ever see our children the way we do.
We are mothers, we have magic eyes.

As I said, she sounds terrific. Am imagining her with her little tie on going
'Ye chieftain of the pudd'n race!'

Oh nailpolish she sounds so lovely, I'd be really proud of her. I think that being individual is FANTASTIC. My dd has always been a bit individualstic too. She went through primary anti-pink, anti-fashion etc. I used to worry a bit at the time but now I think it's an excellent trait for the future and as she enters her teen years.

There tends to be a lot of 'follow the crowd' in early years eg eveyone HAS to have pink glitter/bratz etc. That's normal young girl behaviour. But as they get older differences do appear and though the other girls may seem 'all the same' now, that could change and your dd may have more friend opportunities than first appears.

She's got good self-confidence and I think the trick is to maintain that out of school as much as poss - sounds like you're already doing loads.

thanks every one

i better go and do something with dd2 - shes at home today

My DD is a complete computer geek and hangs out with all the other geeks in her year.
Her Head of Year teacher says that they are the nicest kids - and they are all supportive of each other - there is no nastiness

OK - I'm going to take a different tack here (sorry!) I WAS the different kid - wore full school uniform every day, happy to do my own thing and play my own games - I did not join in much with other people but was happy as a child. I never really understood the social side of things.
Probelm is I still don't - and I'm 42. I have no friends now as don't know how to make them. Your dd is different to me as she does not sound shy and I certainly am so hopefully she will not have the issues I have. But I would really encourage her to join in a bit more and try and learn social skills. I wish I could.
I hope I have not upset you but your description of your dd does sound very like me as a child.

haggis that is a shame

dd is not shy. that really isnt a word id use to describe her. which i am relieved about

NP, your dd is an individual. Clearly she is not a follower and is unlikely to bow to peer pressure when she gets older.

I was definitely not a conformist when I was growing up.

I found it hard to be in large groups of people and to fit in, I was much better in small groups or even one-to-one.

A lot of my peers were into fassion and clothes and make-up.
I played the piano, was chair of our school?s talent association, and was writing my own songs by the age of 13 .

I wasn?t a loner but I wasn?t one of the in-crowd either. (I?m not pretty which didn?t help). But?

The friendships I made when growing up were true friendships. In fact I am still friends with people I went to school with, even though they live in a different country to me. The in-crowd have all moved on, and have all lost touch. Imo the more people you know, the less friends you have, because the majority of them will turn out to really just be aquaintences.

Your dd is an individual. She is her own person, and she knows what she wants, even though that doesn?t conform to the ?norm?. So the people she forms friendships with over the years will be those true friends, who want to be her friend for her, not for her dress sense/taste in make-up/music.

She sounds fab
She may well blossom in a bigger pool of kids eg at secondary school or beyond where there will be more kindred spirits

actually I just read that she is only 5 and therefore pretty new to school - it is a bit early to know what she will be like at primary as she hasn't properly had time to find her feet.

My dd suddenly developed a lot of confidence in Y2.

No cut-off time for learning social skills IME.

I was very different from other kids in primary school, started to fit in more at secondary, and really found my feet at uni.

It was a question of growing more sure of who I was, so I could distinguish between which differences and oddities I wanted to keep because they were important, and which ones I could ditch to make it easier to fit in with other people. Plus I started meeting people who were more in tune with me.

But I have found it helpful later in life to have gone through that period when I stuck to my guns. Having survived being the odd one out over trivial differences has made it easier to take the risk of standing up for a principle. Much as I now enjoy socialising, I know that even if I am left to plough my own furrow it won't kill me. It didn't then.

No cut-off time for learning social skills IME.

Completely agree Cory.

A lot of adults are still learning those

nailpolish
you said she is happy a little girl you can`have more than that

Last year in nursery they told me my dd is a loner and it was BIG concern for the teacher (if the kids are playing a game she doesnt likes she doesnt play)Whats wrong with that she liked to play on her own.So she has her own mind and not a sheep

Now in reception all she plays with are the boys which is football or tag.(or follows her big brother around)She does`nt have a girlfriends or a best friend

Her dress sense is well ....?(takes after dad obviously)
But she is happy and that is who she is

My dd1 was pretty much like this. Small primary and no-one else really like her. She's always been an individual. Teacher actually said to me that she was v bright but she was worried she'd never make friends at sec school.
She's really blossomed - still dresses very individually bit doesn't bow to peer pressure. She has good friends - as darthvader said, a bigger pool to choose from. She's 14 now and lovely. I was listening to a couple of them in the car discussing use of colour in Tim Burton films the other day.
Wish I'd kept my individuality.

bump for agalch

Aww Naily listen,a wee girl who has you for a mummy is doing really well!!

I do know how you feel tho. My ds1 is popular,bright,funny and in his own words cool.

My ds2 however is a "geek". Dances to a different beat,only 1 pal at school. Thinks he is ugly cos he looks different and completely different from ds1 in personality.

But he is stubborn and does his own thing whatever it may be. Is sooo confident and strong willed when something is important to him you know?

It is hard not to compare my 2 ds's but i see ds2 having a hard time occasionally and it kills me as my school days were tough at times too.

Your dd will be ok cos she has a great mum and dad. She is loved and thats what you need when you are a kid. If i had had that from my parents i would have coped with school a whole lot better and i think ds2 copes and is happy 99% of the time because we are there for him.

I would speak to the teacher about how she is at playtime etc. The teacher may surprise you and tell you she plays with the other girls.

My dd1 doesn't speak to any of the kids at nursery ever when i am there but plays happily when i go away.

Don't worry so much!! Your dd will be fine xx