To ask teachers to not share with grandparents?

[bows101]

My grandmother picks my DS up once a week due to my working pattern. Every day I pick my DS up, they usually open the door and he comes out. Barely a word is said, or if it is, its something very generic like 'yes he's had a lovely day'
My grandmother however always tell me the teachers are coming out to her and telling her or asking her specific things. In the beginning I feel she probably asked 'how was his day' which I told her to stop asking. Her job is simply to pick him up, it's not really relevant to her to ask questions about his day and whatnot.
She's known for exaggerating and not understanding exactly what she's been told (always has been like this) so the messages she passes on to me, I can never be sure exactly what was said. As it's more like how she's interpreted and taken it, rather than factual.
I want to email the school to tell them to stop asking or telling her information, she's there to pick up only. I do pick ups twice a week and his dad does the other 2. How can I say this in a nice way to them so they stop telling her stuff?!

Email the school and request any info relevant be passed onto their named contact. Unless it’s ’a bit tired/socks changed/‘ type stuff, anything else should be phoned to the contact if important. Handover is not for lots of chat about the day, infact if 33 parents asked about the day the teacher would still be there an hour later.

This sounds a bit odd to be honest.
Does she really want to pick him up? She's saying the school don't want her to pick him up and that they have behavioural concerns about him on a Friday. It's a bit strange. I'm wondering if she's concocting a story to get out of collecting him.
I used to be a primary school and I would have spoken to you on one of the days when you pick him up rather than talking to your grandmother about it.
You need to phone the school and ask to chat with the teacher, ask for an appointment and then find out exactly what is going on. Tell them that you'd prefer they don't discuss behavioural concerns with grandma and that they should contact you about any issues so that you can deal with them.

I don't know why people have roasted you on here.
It's quite simple really, you talk to the child's class teacher to find out what is going on and once you have that information you decide what to do with that information.

I used to be a primary school

Sorry, but that read made me chuckle 😂.

OP-just go and speak to the teacher next run you’re there and say, ‘my grandma says you are catching her at the door about behaviour incidents at school with X but DH and I weren’t aware of any issues. Is there anything we need to know?’

You just need to have a friendly conversation with the teacher next time you pick him up to clarify exactly what your grandmother has been told. Her saying that the school don't want her to pick him up is a bit weird to say the least. I don't think you've said how old she is, but are you sure it's something she can handle? When I was mid 30s my grandmother was 97 and definitely wouldn't have been able to cope.

You are entirely within your rights to speak to school.

School should not be sharing these concerns with anyone but parents and you can ask them to only share concerns with you.

Be mindful school may not be saying what is reported to you!

Poor granny

Time for a friendly conversation with the teacher, 'are pick ups going ok when his Granny picks him up on Fridays? Only she doesn't always get the messages clear - if there's anything to pass on about behaviour, could you catch me earlier in the week and I can help address it?'

This is me as a long time teacher. I would never discuss a child with the grandparents and if they asked l would say: Oh Paul had a lovely day. Its all about confidentiality. It might be easier to say to the teacher yourself not write: Never mind Grandma asking questions about Paul..any issues come to me or his dad. I cannot imagine any experienced teacher would get involved in any conversation outside chit chat. I wonder is Grandma wanting you to rein in ds in certain areas and pretending teacher said it.

just go and speak to the teacher next run you’re there and say, ‘my grandma says you are catching her at the door about behaviour incidents at school with X but DH and I weren’t aware of any issues. Is there anything we need to know?’

Yep, on reflection this is a good, informal way to go, rather than emailing.. And then, conversationally, you can say that things tend to get lost in translation and can they speak directly to you if there's anything negative to report.

By saying it's the grandmother's job, the op means she was given one task to do. Not that it's her job and life's work.

Complete and utter overreactions by some posters on here.

But having said that, op, you can't stop the granny from talking! You do sound a bit controlling if this is what you mean.

I'd just let her say and do what she wants. And then find out facts directly from the school at another date. No biggie

I suspect that she's exaggerating or extrapolating a very long way.

I cannot see any situation where a teacher would choose to never tell the parents of a behavioural issue, but regularly tell grandparent who picks up on one day.
If she picked up every day, then fine they might speak to her. Or if there was a single big incident they might feel they needed to get it sorted that day. But not this situation.

I'd ask to speak to school, and ask something along the lines of is there something particular that's happening on Fridays because grandma always tells you that the teacher has raised concerns about his behaviour.
I suspect the teacher's jaw will drop and she'll be desperately trying to think what she could possibly have said that might have made her think that. Then ask her if she's able to email you/speak to you Monday if there are any concerns.
If she seems to want to help sort it out, ask if she could email you briefly on Friday at the end of the day for the next couple of weeks to say "no concerns" then when grandma says there have been, you can say "but that's odd because teacher says there were no concerns - I asked them to email me about his behaviour on Fridays because you'd been telling me there were problems".
Hopefully, then grandma will back off.

And it will also mean the teacher thinks about what she says to grandma. So if she's been saying something like "he does get tired on Fridays" and grandma's equating that to bad behaviour, then she may stop doing that.

But if the teacher does come back and say there have been issues, then you can ask them to tell you only, not grandma ("because it's making it difficult for ds") and maybe arrange to speak to the teacher on Thursday or something.