To ask teachers to not share with grandparents?

[bows101]

My grandmother picks my DS up once a week due to my working pattern. Every day I pick my DS up, they usually open the door and he comes out. Barely a word is said, or if it is, its something very generic like 'yes he's had a lovely day'
My grandmother however always tell me the teachers are coming out to her and telling her or asking her specific things. In the beginning I feel she probably asked 'how was his day' which I told her to stop asking. Her job is simply to pick him up, it's not really relevant to her to ask questions about his day and whatnot.
She's known for exaggerating and not understanding exactly what she's been told (always has been like this) so the messages she passes on to me, I can never be sure exactly what was said. As it's more like how she's interpreted and taken it, rather than factual.
I want to email the school to tell them to stop asking or telling her information, she's there to pick up only. I do pick ups twice a week and his dad does the other 2. How can I say this in a nice way to them so they stop telling her stuff?!

How old is she?

It sounds like something my mum would say and she has early signs of dementia.

You are absolutely bonkers.

Quite honestly if my daughter had the attitude of it’s only my job to pick them up, she could find someone else to do it

Her job
What an ungrateful daughter you are. With that attitude, you don't deserve her help.

You are clearly unhinged and thats why the teachers feel more comfortable sharing info with the grandparent. Have a word with yourself yourself.

I think YOU need to have a word with yourself.

There's nothing unhinged about wanting a class teacher to only pass messages to the parent, even if the grandparent is good with messages. As I said in earlier post, more that I'm retired from teaching, I pick up my granddaughter from school, and I'd not be impressed if the teacher told me anything negative.

Yes, it's my job/role/whatever to pick up my granddaughter, take her home, and have fun with her.

Are you sure that she’s not trying to tell you that she doesn’t want to do Friday pick up because of ds’ behaviour and using the school as part of the white lie ?

Just have a quick word with the teacher and tell them that you’d rather they didn’t discuss anything with granny , it’s not the schools business why you are telling them .

I’d have a word with her directly. Tell her that part of her job at pick ups is to pass on messages accurately and if she can’t then she must ask the teacher to email you.

I'm a teacher and I don't share any issues with grandparents for this reason. You can have a close enough relationship with your parents that you are happy for them to pick your kids up and keep them for a few hours, but for whatever nuanced reasons you don't want them to know certain ins and outs.

I'm find for my mum to have my kids for a while but I also find that she has her own issues which means she likes to pick homes in my parenting, and would find any reason for my children's unwanted behaviour to be all my fault (gets too much attention/not enough attention/I'm too hard on them/I'm too soft with them, whatever)

I don't pass this info on for this reason.

What a ridiculous statement. The OP may have worded things poorly but calling someone unhinged^^ for poor wording frankly says a lot more about you than the OP

I agree, and as a teacher, it's not appropriate to share any behavioural issues with anyone who isn't the parent. Even if Granny was more approachable than the parents, I still wouldn't do it.

Last post from me as I am sick of the comments saying shes my slave, I'm ungrateful etc.
It's more about the teachers coming out and asking her questions/telling her things she doesn't know or isn't relevant to her. I'm not embarrassed or trying to hide DSs behaviour/progress but it puts her in an awkward position and on the spot. She is an elderly woman, fab for looking after him for a few hours and having tea, but conversations about behaviour/progress etc not so much.

So I asked her to not open the conversation up by asking them initially, if asked they will tell. Then misinterpreted information/comments come back to me. But it seems they summarise the week on a Friday?
She is my paid childcare, I wouldn't expect such information to be passed to a childminder for example. She also enjoys doing this, she lives on the same road as the school so it's not far. She's not forced to as some have made out. It will be me having to tell her to stop pickups as she physically can't do it before she ever stops on her own accord.

All I was looking for was a simple way to word it to the teacher without having to go into detail about her saying some funny things, I wasn't asking for opinions if I am a good granddaughter!
Thanks to the few which understood where I'm coming from and worded a simple email for me ☺️

How much do you pay her?

What makes you think that's any of your business?

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask the school to give you any updates/messages etc either face to face or in email and not via his ggma. You could nicely say that you think that there was something told to your gran in pick up but you don't think you got the full message passed on. There's no reason anyone should be offended by that imo

Oh dear. The poor woman is doing you a favour probably loves being part of the nursery community and chatting with staff etc which will only be good for your grandson and create a nice pick up atmosphere and yet you are forbidding her to speak. You sound very ungrateful and disrespectful of her. I managed a nursery and if you called asking this I'd think you were mean and bloody miserable. Important messages should be passed on to parents via text message, letter, email etc so I doubt your missing any essential info. Maybe relax a bit, thank your lucky stars you've got a grandmother willing to help and be more appreciative. I hope she doesn't pick up on your negative vibe, how hurtful.

Yes but making polite small talk is hardly outrageous is it?!

If I were you, @bows101, I would say to the school that messages about your child, including possible ‘behavioural issues’, are not being passed on clearly by your grandmother, so it would be better if any important information is given directly to you.

Could you pay someone else.

then ask the teacher to have a meeting with you to address concerns that you are hearing and ascertain are they speaking to her about behaviour issues and if so tell them they are only to contact the parents and ask for support with your child.

I get it OP (I think)

email to school:

Dear Class Teacher (cc head)

i understand from my mother in law Joan Smith, who collects Timothy from school on a Friday, that there have been some concerns regarding his behaviour.

I know how important the home-school partnership is in ensuring that Timothy thrives in the classroom and is supported to understand appropriate behaviours. As these issues haven’t been expressed directly to me, I feel that I’m not in the best position to intervene to support Timothy’s behaviour. Would I be able to arrange a short meeting this week to go through the concerns discussed with Joan Smith, so that I can help to ensure Timothy understands the behaviours needed at school and is ready to learn.

Yours etc…

You sound lovely....

Your poor DM

At that point I'd be e-mail or phoning the school and asking if there are any behavioral concerns - as Grandmother on pickup Fridays says she keeps being told there is but you are confused nothing been said to DH or you the parents and obviously there are concerns you want to work with the school.

Cut out the middle man and try and get to the source of the potential information.

Do it every time it happens - either they'll work out themselves to say as little as possible to GM or they'll start reassuring you on days you do pick ups.

I would simply say any behavioural concerns are better addressed to me or his Dad to ensure we are fully aware of any situations at school and to avoid miscommunication.

Don't be a dick with you grandmother let her enjoy having a chat.

Nursery? OP has used the word school the whole way through the thread and the child is in Y2.

You don't find it at all concerning that the teacher is giving this information about DC to someone who doesn't have PR, who potentially isn't relaying the info to the parents? Would it be ok for the teacher to be telling a childminder this info?