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Original poster

Classmate laughed at my child

96 replies

purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:21

My child is 9
She has told me the twice now since they started back one classmate has laughed at her and said she's got hairy legs.
And now is saying she'll wear leggings to PE instead of shorts!
Because obviously it's made her self conscious!
I'm so mad that this has happened and it's going to make her self conscious now.
Would you have a word with the teacher about this? I know who said it. I feel this is so different from someone making fun of a hat she's wearing cos this is about her as a person

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LittleMrsPretty · 22/09/2023 23:25

Tell your child that this is unkind and what to say next time somebody is mean to her. Build resilience and teach her to manage her emotions and how to handy nasty people.

and yes tell the school as who knows if this girl is also mean to others.

MidnightOnceMore · 22/09/2023 23:25

Yes report the bullying to the teacher.

Tell your child it is bullying.

If your DD wants wear leggings that's fine but I'd tell her she can choose how to respond.

LittleMrsPretty · 22/09/2023 23:25

*how to handle not handy

Original poster
purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:26

I have given suggestions about how to respond.
Am unsure if she'll manage to say those things though. It can confidence can't it.

Do you think this is bullying?

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:27

I'm just sad and angry at it all because I think she'll be wearing leggings because of this.
Not because she actually wants to wear leggings

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:31

It's not nice but no I don't think every time a child says something nice to another child it needs to be reported, when can teachers be allowed to teach?

I would speak to my child about it

MidnightOnceMore · 22/09/2023 23:32

purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:26

I have given suggestions about how to respond.
Am unsure if she'll manage to say those things though. It can confidence can't it.

Do you think this is bullying?

Yes, it is bullying. She is making unkind remarks more than once.

It is not serious or violent bullying, but it should be reported so the school can sort it out.

MidnightOnceMore · 22/09/2023 23:34

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:31

It's not nice but no I don't think every time a child says something nice to another child it needs to be reported, when can teachers be allowed to teach?

I would speak to my child about it

Tbh it is often easier for the teacher to know when bullying starts than have issues dragging on for half a term by which time it takes more effort to solve.

An early intervention can stop it developing.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:35

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:31

It's not nice but no I don't think every time a child says something nice to another child it needs to be reported, when can teachers be allowed to teach?

I would speak to my child about it

I don't either. I haven't gone in when a child has made fun of her for her hair clips even though it has affected her cos all it takes is once. And when someone made fun of her for her choice of hat.

But to me, this feels worse. Because it's about how she looks and how she is as a person.

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:36

Ok thank you. I wasn't 100 per cent sure what to do. I will have a word with teacher. Unfortunately it won't be till the later part of the week now as they're on a trip. Which is annoying but can't be helped now.

OP posts:
truthhurts23 · 22/09/2023 23:38

I tell my child to fight fire with fire,
if they insult your hairy legs , insult their big ears, pointy nose, greasy hair , tell them that they smell in front of everyone
kids insult each other all the time, it only becomes "bullying" when one child doesn't stand up for themselves
we used to rip on each other all the time at school

Original poster
purpleme12 · 22/09/2023 23:41

Well she didn't stand up for herself. Because the comments affect her. And so the confidence how goes out the window.

I have tried to say something she could say.
(But perhaps I should say something like you said to fight fire with fire)

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 22/09/2023 23:43

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 23:31

It's not nice but no I don't think every time a child says something nice to another child it needs to be reported, when can teachers be allowed to teach?

I would speak to my child about it

Dealing effectively with bullying and managing students' social and emotional wellbeing IS teaching, especially at primary level. Teaching younger students is a holistic practice if it's being done properly. Never be afraid to communicate with your child's teacher if there is bullying going on; if they are worthy of the job they will want to know and will handle it decisively.

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 23:44

I mean this happens a lot and the normal response is that it's clearly time to shave your legs

Are you not letting her shave legs

Does she even know it's an option

Has she had her period yet?

Will she be using tampons?

Will she have to stick to pads?

What are you teaching her about turning into a woman ?

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 23:47

The bullying issue to me is less of an issue than the non shaving leg issue which is what girls do in the UK once they realise they have hairy legs and it gets mentioned

You just shave them and that's that

TMess · 22/09/2023 23:47

truthhurts23 · 22/09/2023 23:38

I tell my child to fight fire with fire,
if they insult your hairy legs , insult their big ears, pointy nose, greasy hair , tell them that they smell in front of everyone
kids insult each other all the time, it only becomes "bullying" when one child doesn't stand up for themselves
we used to rip on each other all the time at school

Well that’s…not great.

CyberCritical · 22/09/2023 23:49

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 23:44

I mean this happens a lot and the normal response is that it's clearly time to shave your legs

Are you not letting her shave legs

Does she even know it's an option

Has she had her period yet?

Will she be using tampons?

Will she have to stick to pads?

What are you teaching her about turning into a woman ?

And if someone laughs at her for having brown hair should she bleach it blonde, what if someone says something about her nose, is rhinoplasty the right option?

I'll never teach my daughter to change her appearance because a little mean girl hasn't learned manners.

If OPs daughter wants to shave her legs then that's her decision to make, when she wants to make it and 9 is young for that.

Cheerfulcharlie · 22/09/2023 23:49

I don’t think stooping to their level or ‘fighting fire with fire’ as a previous poster calls it is a great thing to teach them. But I also think the kids do need to learn how to respond to unkind comments.
I tell my kids to ask them (ideally loudly in front of lots of others) ‘why do you need to make unkind comments?’ Or ‘oh my goodness, yes my legs are sooooo hairy it’s so terrible isn’t it, I think i just need to go away and hide forever, this is just the worst thing in the world’, then just shrug at them and walk away. Basically try to embarrass the kid who made the comments and show that they just aren’t bothered by them.

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 23:51

The question should be

What's the best razor 🪒 to use for my DD

It's clearly the time for it

This is such a weird way to tackle the subject

ItstimeToMoveagain · 22/09/2023 23:55

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 23:51

The question should be

What's the best razor 🪒 to use for my DD

It's clearly the time for it

This is such a weird way to tackle the subject

Don't be ridiculous, she's 9. She doesn't need to start shaving her legs because some child's being a nasty little twat

Revolutionfrommybed · 22/09/2023 23:57

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 23:44

I mean this happens a lot and the normal response is that it's clearly time to shave your legs

Are you not letting her shave legs

Does she even know it's an option

Has she had her period yet?

Will she be using tampons?

Will she have to stick to pads?

What are you teaching her about turning into a woman ?

What is she doesn’t want to shave her fucking legs? Should she be shamed in to it?

Cakefolk · 22/09/2023 23:59

@HappiDaze you are totally ridiculous! Your response is weird why the hell should anyone have to shave anything let alone a nine year year old!

MaPaSpa · 23/09/2023 00:01

you need to get her to build a bit of resilience OP. tell her sometimes people say unkind things to hide their own insecurities.

tell her to ask why she so obsessed with her legs, is it so no one will notice her own?

yes my legs are hairy but so is your top lip but I don’t go shouting about it.

I don’t think it’s practical to go to teacher every time a child teases another. Teacher her some witty quips and maybe some drama club to build confidence

NotReadyForAutumnYet · 23/09/2023 00:01

@HappiDaze there is something really off about your messages. Seriously, wtf?

GoFaster83 · 23/09/2023 00:01

Er? No! Tell your fucking awful children they have no right to comment on anyone's body. And tell your own selves it too. She can shave if and when she wants but that is absolutely not the issue here. What horrible people think it's OK to make unwarranted horrible opinions about individuals when it doesn't affect them in any way?

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