Classmate laughed at my child

[purpleme12]

My child is 9
She has told me the twice now since they started back one classmate has laughed at her and said she's got hairy legs.
And now is saying she'll wear leggings to PE instead of shorts!
Because obviously it's made her self conscious!
I'm so mad that this has happened and it's going to make her self conscious now.
Would you have a word with the teacher about this? I know who said it. I feel this is so different from someone making fun of a hat she's wearing cos this is about her as a person

I had mega Hairy legs as a kid. I have black hair!
Always got some comments, I was pretty resilient though, it didn't really get to me. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Never consider myself to have been bullied to be honest.

Some proper weirdos on this thread eh!

OP- I had hairy legs at 8 or 9. The silly boys in my class used to call me “werewolf girl”.

I find with my DS when this kind of thing comes up, by giving him facts to respond with calmly, it takes the sting out for him, and shuts up other kids when he repeats it back. In your case I might say something like “you do have leg hair- and so do I! In fact, everyone has hair ALL over their bodies. And different people have different amounts, and in different colors. Do you know why we have hair on our legs? (Etc etc).” Totally normalize it (we don’t need to cover it up! It’s normal!” and hopefully your daughter will realize it’s a classmate being silly, and disregard accordingly.

I don’t think I’d call it bullying though, for a kid to say something twice- though I appreciate it’s obviously upset your daughter, and if it’s ongoing then ofc in your place I would tell the school.

Also all of the hair removal posts are not only very strange and developmentally inappropriate, but painfully behind the times. The (very cool) teens and young people I know seem to have a really wide range of takes on it- including not removing leg hair etc- and don’t seem to have fallen for the beauty industrial complex in the way we did!

This, and id include letting my kids wear tights.

Once you concede to changing to appease the bullies. You're reaching the child to back down, that the bullies are right, that they shoukd make concessions to fit the world around them.

Try teaching some resilience, that other people's cruel remarks are often coming from a place of ignorance or insecurity, that the hair on legs is normal and that all girls get it, eventually.

I think we know who the parents of the bullies are on this thread. And the ones that minimise. And the sexist ones.

OP, talk to the teacher. My teacher friends would want to know and would deal with it straight away. They have zero tolerance of this sort of shit.

There's no harm mentioning it to the teacher so they can keep an eye on things.
I'm afraid kids are cruel though. I had millions of mean remarks made to me growing up, mostly about my appearance (I looked totally ordinary). Yes it does knock the confidence but I don't think there's a great deal that can be done to stop it. Kids are just mean!

It should be replaced.

By way of comparison, I picked up my DD from school the other day and was informed that another child had made fun of her by saying "she looked like a boy". I didn't think much of it, but it was reported internally and dealt with.

Personal remarks intended to hurt someone's feelings is never acceptable especially when the victim is actually upset by it.

Reported, not replaced

Some horrible little oik made fun of my dd for having hairy legs when she was about 9.

I stopped shaving my legs so I could show dd it was normal to have hair on her legs and then we talked about how people can make choices about whether they leave the hair or remove it and different methods they might use. I told her it was a normal part of growing up and we focused on positives from her day and her lovely friends.

The next time the boy said something to her I was in ear shot. She rolled her eyes and said 'it's just my body getting more mature, you'll see when your body grows up' 😆 she is now 3 years on from there and is just considering waxing her legs for the first time.

We need to normalise bodies in all their glory, that way it takes away the sting when other children try to be cruel.

Report it because it may be the start of further bullying and yes it is bullying.

This whole thread makes my heart sink. Lovely DD being body shamed for something natural, mother being attacked by some posters, advice to fight fire with fire. Parenting is tough. I’ve found secondary school even worse for this. Basically yes, daughter can conform (shave etc), or needs to have a reply, and needs to NOT care. Bullies love the feeling of power. Not caring may involve just shouting at the bully to get lost, or walking away. Bullies tend to be very weak and should be pitied. I bet the bully has people saying nasty things to them at home. OPs DD doesn’t get abuse/teasing, so she isn’t used to this, and doesn’t have the tool kit she needs. I know this since my son was the same… interestingly also an only child, so with no experience of bullying or teasing (of the type I got from my bloody siblings!) at home…

I think the leg hair is a total red herring, as is the other child's behaviour. You can't change the other child.

What matters is your DD.

I'd mention to the teacher that the other child is making unkind comments, but that's as much as you can do.

Empathise with your DD, do things that build her up and feel great. Agree with her that the nasty comments are really hurtful, and wonder why people say things like that. Perhaps they do it to make themselves feel better, or to make people think they are funny.

We can't solve a lot of this stuff. We can make sure our DC feel loved and supported, have friends outside school as well as through school, have lots of other people in their life so that one catty child isn't the end of the world.

I'm a mum and was bullied relentlessly through school, and had absent uncaring parents.
What will work is making your kid Teflon coated.

Primary teacher here. I'd 100% want to know about this. Definitely tell the teacher, so this can be stopped straight away.

It's not nice but honestly speaking from experience imo it's setting kids up for a difficult time if you make a big deal out of things like this. I'm a "well tell them they look like a dick" (or age appropriate insult) type parent, because I know I'd be setting my kids up for a hell of a time if they become the sort that lack resilience and ability to stick up for themselves.

I see it in my friends DC, she reported little "sticks and stones" type things in primary, now her DC are really struggling in high school because the teachers aren't interested in what they perceive to be low level stuff, but her DC have grown up expecting mum to shut anything like this down. She's even said herself she knows she did this way too much. Her DC can't even take friendly piss taking/ribbing from their friends so there's always dramas.

That being said I think you have to go off your own kid. If they'd have a worse time trying to stick up for themselves then you have to do that for them, but I do think there's a risk that could backfire.

So I had this when I was in primary - I asked my mum if I could shave my legs and she got me an electric shaver. I have dark hair and was very self conscious about it.
Probably against the grain but if she wants to get rid of her body hair I’d help her do it in a safe way (not like my friends who cut themselves to pieces with a sharp razor they had nicked from mum/dad).
I realise not the point of the thread, which is about bullying and you should report to the teacher. But just sharing my own person experience. I don’t regret shaving safely.

Yes I agree with this. How does she feel about the whole issue? If she does have massively hairy legs then yes she’s going to stand out. Some girls don’t care but some do. Shaving your legs is just another way of fitting in. I’d have a conversation with her about all of these things.

I 'm of the opinion that the best approach is very much dependent on your daughter's personality.
Being strong and fierce and not caring what anyone says is admirable if that is who she is, but it's not a quality that can be artificially created just because now it's seen as the best way to be.
Encouraging to fight fire with fire is not good advice in my opinion because unless she's that type, and if she were sh'd have already done it, it won't feel right to her.

I personally would do my best to empower her by talking through what she can choose to do and the consequences of each choice. She can see what fits her best.
For example let her know that she has the choice to :
continue to wear her shorts as she has been doing, and accept that she may or may not get more comments. She can decide whether she wants to ignore, respond herself, or enlist the help of friends or a teacher.

Choose to wear leggings and probably stop the comments, but accept the fact that they weren't her first choice of clothing.

There is also the choice to remove her body hair and continue to wear her shorts. This wouldn't be my preferred option but it is an option so I would talk about it and help my daughter if that's what she really wanted.
My teen daughter knows I'm not much into grooming, but I want her to know that her choices are as valid as mine, and that goes for many things, not just this one issue. I believe that the knowledge that every action has a consequence is important in choosing throughout life.

Appreciating the mostly useful posts.
Even the sensible ones about shaving give a different viewpoint.
And appreciate the different suggestions about how to react. Always good to have different things to suggest.
Honestly I think she's fine with her legs herself. And I don't think she'd want to shave yet. They're not extremely hairy or anything but I guess possibly more hair/darker hair than some other people's possibly. For example this weekend she's worn shorts cos she's hot. It's just like I say with the person at school who's said these things she may now choose not bare legs just cos of that.

And that's ok.

It's part of life, to navigate that people have different priorities, different standards, and that's ok.

I know people who are highly groomed and wouldn't step out without full face, and people who can't stand still long enough to bother with all that.

The skill isn't in matching yourself to everyone else, it's in working out what works for you and how to handle people who are different.

At 9 years old i would not be running to the teacher about a bit of mild teasing.Just teach her a couple of mild putdowns.