Classmate laughed at my child

[purpleme12]

My child is 9
She has told me the twice now since they started back one classmate has laughed at her and said she's got hairy legs.
And now is saying she'll wear leggings to PE instead of shorts!
Because obviously it's made her self conscious!
I'm so mad that this has happened and it's going to make her self conscious now.
Would you have a word with the teacher about this? I know who said it. I feel this is so different from someone making fun of a hat she's wearing cos this is about her as a person

"I can shave my legs, but you'll always be a thick cunt!"

Unfortunately as she's only 9 that won't go down well so perhaps think of a phrase that is age appropriate that your daughter can say.

It's a shame some kids are like this. My DC would NEVER make a comment like this, they know not to comment on anything physical or anything that might embarrass the other child or make them feel bad. It's bad parenting.

Does your child want to get rid of the hair? I’d give her the choice. My DD asked to use my epilator age 8 as apparently there were comparisons during p.e. She has barely there blonde fuzz which is pretty much invisible to the naked eye.

Its shit but in our school bullying is rife, headteacher is very much nothing to see here. If your kid is sensitive then the best you can do is help them fit in. Otherwise you complain, have endless meetings, nothing changes despite promises and plans and eventually your child ages out of the school/ is sent to another/ becomes home educated.

I would talk to the school but, really, I feel for your girl! She will encounter much worse in the secondary school. Kids need to learn some resilience; try to think how you can help her build her confidence. Tell her all about feminism, etc. She needs to be able to say - ok, hairy, so what? Or just give the other girl the death stare. Or at least ignore it.

I would also agree with the poster above - if your girl feels self-conscious about her hairy legs, ask her if she would like to get rid of the hair. I would do anything to boost her confidence and make her feel good about herself.

It's bullying. She can also dye her hair to feel less self conscious if the bullying kid doesn't like that colour ffs. Or get thinner or fatter if someone doesn't like her body shape. Or cover her freckles with make up at 9.

If someone said that in a work environment, would your advice be to tell the woman at work to shave her legs or would it be to tackle the prick who said it?

Ds when he was 4yo, was at a holiday club with his leader called Andy. Afterwards he said: "when I grow up I want to be just like Andy."
And I thought, how lovely. He's found a great role model.
But he continued:
"He has such lovely hairy arms and legs."

Op, ask her if she'd like to shave. If she does, then help her shave. If she doesn't then let her wear leggings. It won't be the last comment about her appearance, and it may well not have been the first. Help her to choose how to handle it, whether it's doing something to change, ignoring, or hiding it. Let it be her choice.

Dm had a thing about not shaving. So dsis, who had very dark hairs, hated her legs because she got lots of comments. I just pinched df's razor when he wasn't around. First time I shaved I cut a chunk off my leg. I had a friend who never shaved and would just say "yep, as you know I'm half spider" if anyone commented. It takes a certain confidence to do that though.

If she was in year 9, then I’d be inclined to agree (if that’s what DD wanted ofc.) But she’s literally 9 years old!! You’d be teaching her that if someone teases her about something then she needs to do something about it every time.

Awful message to send to a child

Comments on how her body looks are NOT comments on "how she is a person". We need to teach girls that how they look is the least important thing about them.

So sad that posters are suggesting shaving. It's fie the same reason the other girl remarked on her legs, the sexualisation of children. She is a 9 year old child, she needs to be focused on learning with her peers, not concerned about her appearance and in particular what men think of her.

Sorry for saying the words how she is as a person.
You must surely have understood what I was trying to say in my post though

😂

kids insult each other all the time, it only becomes "bullying" when one child doesn't stand up for themselves

What a load of shit. Standing up for yourself does not make bullying acceptable in the first place.

Not all children or adults have the confidence to say anything back. Nor should they have to learn to be mean in retaliation.

OP if this was my daughter (and yes I’ll get flamed for this) I would use some nair hair removal cream to get rid of the hair. Not because you shouldn’t stand up to bullies but because it will most likely boost your daughters confidence.

I remember my sister at 11 being really paranoid about leg hair (had started periods early etc) and my mum just used Nair to remove the hair and it boosted her confidence no end and was a lot less harmful than a razor.

"I wish I could change that but I can't really"

No. You can and you need to, that your job! As a mother your maternal role is exactly this, to work on it constantly and build her up. What are you, only a Disney mum? Stop being so passive and step up, to your duty.

Behaviour standards are part of what teachers are responsible for. Teaching good attitudes and acceptable viewpoints likewise. This is serous bullying of the kind some kids think they can get away with

@HappiDaze

The question should be What's the best razor 🪒 to use for my DD

Eh! The child is 9 ! Christ, no wonder we have anxious teens.

Lol god it's a good job I know I'm doing a good job cos otherwise this post would have got to me (a bit like the child has insulted my child for her appearance, you've chosen to insult my parenting).
As stated repeatedly in this thread I have made suggestions to my child and build her up anyway.
The point I was making from this post you have quoted is that it doesn't mean that 'bam I've got the confidence now'.

There was no need for your post was there?

I don't think your daughter should have to shave her legs, of course not.

However, sadly she is growing up in a world in which women are expected to shave their legs. It is changing gradually as more women challenge the assumption, but still it is fairly prevalent. So if she chooses not to, she unfortunately may face similar comments in the future.

My daughter is 11 and currently chooses not to shave. She is tall with long legs and generally taken as older than her age, so it is kind of noticeable. I spoke to her openly about it and said, I totally admire your decision not to shave, more women don't shave these days, but equally be ready because some people may expect you to and make comments - it's wrong but may happen. I also told her if she wanted to shave or use some other form of hair removal I would get her the stuff.

I think if your daughter is getting older and is clear she doesn't want to shave then yes that is brilliant, but sadly she may have to toughen up a little. It's not right, but we have to prepare our children to live in the world that exists, as well as to shape the world they would prefer......

I am not sure the teacher will be able to do a lot - while not nice these comments are pretty standard I would think. But by all means mention it - she may be able to speak to the whole class about puberty and harmful gender stereotypes. Or something.

I think you should tell your child that everyone is different and that is ok. Some people have more hair than others, some have blue eyes, long hair, curly hair,wear glasses, tall, short etc. It is all ok.
And the person laughing at her is just being silly. Tell her she is beautiful as she is.
I would also talk to the teacher about it.so they are aware and they can reinforce the message.

@HappiDaze why are you asking about someone’s child’s potential tampon use? So creepy.

We had something similar - DSD was teased for having hair on her arms, and was deviated about it. I knew exactly who it was, but she begged me not to speak to the teacher or the parent directly and she wanted to bleach it (she was 10 at the time)

We had a parents Facebook page, so we compromised with me putting an anonymous (at her request) post up saying something along the lines of 'my child has been being teased about body hair. This is clearly something that will happen for all the kids at some stage, so could we please remind all children that bodies are changing and it's not kind to take the piss out of something that is totally normal'

Lots of parents responded saying they had had similar conversations with their children. The mum of the kid who was doing the teasing commented and held her hands up (fair play to her!), saying that it had probably been her daughter and that she would address it immediately.

Might not work, but did for us 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s totally a valid point, but I don’t think you (the general you, not saying you do this!) should teach your child to go low re someone else’s body/appearance in response. That just lowers them to the same level of unkindness. Absolutely teach them to stand up for themselves, though I can see how that’s hard for some personalities. My DD is the same age and has one specific hair related feature due to her ethnicity that other kids will sometimes comment on rudely - I’ve encouraged her to say “that’s not kind” or “I love my hair because it’s just like my favorite aunt’s!” etc instead of just taking it but I’d be really disappointed if she said “well you have an ugly nose and stink” in response!

Me and my daughter have both been where your daughter is. I have jet black hair and I had hairy legs and arms growing up and a tash. I had a few comments made about my legs and shaved them at 10 behind my mums back not sure why as she was totally understanding. My daughters my mirror image but she's even darker being mixed race she has my skin tone but even darker hair. She has been made fun off for her hairy legs for couple years and I let her shave last week she is 10. I had put this off for 2 years cause she tried when she was 8. I am absolutely not saying shaving is the answer if she doesn't mind the hair then don't my daughter did mind the hair refused to wear shorts etc in the summer ☹️ I also got made fun of at high school cause I had a tash x

I really really hope @HappiDaze is either joking or trolling.
If not, and I mean this absolutely seriously, go and take some parenting classes.
If someone criticises your appearance, the right approach is never to change your appearance. (Unless you want to for yourself)

Can I take a moment to shout out to my daughter? 15 years old, a competitive swimmer, and STILL has never shaved armpit, legs or other hair. It's all visible. She is doing her bit for girls, she says, and will shave when the boys do.