Classmate laughed at my child

[purpleme12]

My child is 9
She has told me the twice now since they started back one classmate has laughed at her and said she's got hairy legs.
And now is saying she'll wear leggings to PE instead of shorts!
Because obviously it's made her self conscious!
I'm so mad that this has happened and it's going to make her self conscious now.
Would you have a word with the teacher about this? I know who said it. I feel this is so different from someone making fun of a hat she's wearing cos this is about her as a person

Mind you, I hadn't shaved and I accidentally rolled up my long jeans and a p1 child stroked my leg and said "soft furry lovely leg"...

It was the best part of the year so far

You could do a roleplay with her
and then practice what her response should be when someone is mean to her .

If she feels most comfortable with ignoring rude comments, rather than responding, then that is what she should do.
She can practice blocking out someone that is being rude,
maybe sing the ABC or a funny song in her head every time this classmate talks

or she could have a rehearsed comeback for the next time this classmate says something to her, so she's not unprepared
it could be something like
"You're being rude, do not talk to me anymore" and then turn your back on her and ignore her for the rest of the class

Every time she tries to say something, just turn and walk away

tell her that its ok to be rude to someone that is rude to you first, so she knows that she wont get into trouble.
We teach kids to be polite and kind but they should know that not everyone deserves kindness, and being kind is not the same as being a doormat.

Does she have any siblings?
Having a brother and lots of cousins definitely toughened me up against mean comments, by the time I was in school I had already heard all of the worst insults, I knew that I had bushy eyebrows and a big head so I knew exactly how to come back at them 😂

No no siblings
And her cousins are all lovely or at least not bad in this way 🤣
She doesn't like me bringing things like this up again cos it gets her thinking about it again in her head but I'll try suggest things like above or see what she feels is best and see if she wants to practice

This thread is attracting some weird posters.

I do suggest things but it's good to have other suggestions like above in case she prefers them. It's hard to know if you're saying the right thing

Thank you for the replies.
And thanks for the replies to the one saying my child should shave. I started to doubt myself so thank you for the support.

Bizarre way of thinking from @HappiDaze

OP the best thing you can do for your dd is to work on her resilience.
As others say, help her think of how she responds if someone says something unkind. Help her realise the person with the problem is anyone who thinks it is okay to go around criticising other people's appearance.

This whole site has recently attracted an entire cartload of weird posters.

Think we've found the mother of the bully 🤣

How terrible your little girl is feeling self-conscious OP - I remember receiving similar comments aged 11 that caused me to start shaving my legs. It's not right at all (especially in ones so young).

I'm very impressed that my friend's 16 year old refuses to shave her legs and armpits - I actually thought that the societal pressure around this stuff was reducing because of gender non-conformity being so acceptable now.

I definitely think teaching self-love is the way to go "yes they are hairy aren't they - my winter coat must be growing in!". Very difficult for that age group when there is such pressure to fit in though 😓

Yes you should tell teacher. But it also sounds like she has low self esteem and no resilience, and yet previous posters who have mentioned this you don't seem fully taken this on board and said that you will address it wholeheartedly. She can't seem to deal with any slight, any comment, on her hair slides or choice of hat. 'Why are you being so nasty? I like my hat". Is a good enough sentence in itself.

I think your DD must have low self esteem if every time someone says I don't like your hat or hair slide she gets upset. She needs to laugh and say I don't care what you like, I love my hat/slides. If a child has pointed out she has hairs on her legs she could say yes, that's what happens as you mature. It might happen for you one day. Instead she gets upset and wants to cover them up. Can you talk to her about we are all different just like we have different colour hair and eyes, we develop at different speeds. She is just developing ahead of the other girl.

I just had to comment, because that is what bullies do, hone in on what the other person is self-conscious about. It has nothing whatsoever to do with anything actually being physically wrong in their victim.

I'd tell the class teacher. If it makes your daughter feel comfortable to wear leggings that would be a better option for her now. Unless she does want to remove hair. I remember feeling conscious in primary school about my upper lip hair it was very fine hair but i was concioius. I told my mum but was nervous to say it. I was relieved when my mum came home with some nair cream i was so grateful she understood and i still use this brand to this day lol

Also people here are saying she should be proud and show off her legs etc. I don't agree. I think it can attract more negative attention and bullying. Especially if she promotes hairy legs. She could be known as the hairy girl and people could mock her. Put yourself in a 9 year olds environment they're not adults and they won't think like the mums do on here. You protect your child by helping her to feel comfortable. As her what you can do to help her even if it means she wants to shave her legs.

Tell your DD to ignore.

Kids are unkind fuckers. It's been like that since the dawn of time.

If you go to the teacher about your DDs hairy legs you will breathe life into this fire. It will become a huge thing.

Hairy legs are OK - my DD didn't shave hers until aged 16. Just tell your DD to ask him why he is looking at her legs next time. Then ignore him.

Two unkind comments does not warrant an intervention. Give your child the skills to resolve this herself.

If he continues, then intervene.

To be fair that’s what my parents told me and I was a shy child myself. It works and . We had some parents who complained to the teachers about literally everything and it increased the taunts because the children were seen as “cry babies”. I’d pick my battles and wouldn’t report this (yet). The OP’s daughter will be better off if her resilience is built up.

Ok more mixed comments today....mmm

I don't see her as having low self esteem in general honestly because there are many times where people will say stuff and she'll fight back and say something back and she's told me how in previous years then she gets in trouble but she only said something back cos they said something.

However yes it is the times when people make fun and laugh that get to her.

But I have tried suggestions of things to say before and I build her up etc but ultimately she feels how she feels when someone says something. I wish I could change that but I can't really

Don't know what the right thing to do is

Have you asked her if she’s happy with her leg hair?

Lol 😆 that's one almighty leap

Ugh. Yes it is bullying and your DD is probably a nice and sensitive child which is why this happened.

I agree that she should shrug it off before going to a teacher; you have to teach your children that not everyone is nice. Pretending they are is not helpful.

Plus it's primary school. Literally no real punishment happens except being talked to so better that your child learns to give it back and then some.

She just says she doesn't know when I ask her. And when I ask her what I can do to help. That's just what she's like.

To be honest I think she's fine with her legs. It's just this person that makes her feel not fine.
She has bare legs a lot cos she doesn't feel the cold.

I haven’t read the whole thread

But yes I think I would have a very gentle word with the teacher, explain what’s been happening and ask if perhaps the teacher could say something to the whole class about not making personal comments about people’s appearance. It’s a good lesson to learn and clearly this other kid’s parents aren’t doing it.

Hairy legs are normal and natural and everyone grows hair on their legs, just of different colours and thicknesses, just like on our heads!! This other kid has hairy legs too - just the hair is lighter. Maybe your DD could say that.

I do NOT agree with the fight fire with fire advice.

Absolutely report this. Nip it in the bud right now. I speak from bitter experience. Be very firm that the school must deal with this shitty behaviour.