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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Star of the week dilemmas

98 replies

Raisinsandweetabix · 22/09/2023 20:42

My son is in Y2. Despite not being the brightest or the most confident, he is very well behaved and hard working. Never once had a bad word about him from school.
At our school they do 'star of the week' for children who have demonstrated good behaviour relating to the core values.
Not ONCE in his time there has he received this award, while other children have had it 2,3,4 times. While my son sits there clapping like a monkey feeling rubbish because he never gets chosen.
I have felt really down about this as he is in need of a boost and why the hell shouldn't he. Never misses his homework, unlike some who never fill anything out . My question is- would you broach this with the teacher? I'm so so close to sending an email right now.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/09/2023 20:45

While my son sits there clapping like a monkey feeling rubbish because he never gets chosen.
Has he said he feels like this or are you projecting your own feelings?

LadyLolaRuben · 22/09/2023 20:47

I wouldn't send an email but I would raise it at his next patents evening. Just point out being recognised would boost his self esteem

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/09/2023 20:48

LadyLolaRuben · 22/09/2023 20:47

I wouldn't send an email but I would raise it at his next patents evening. Just point out being recognised would boost his self esteem

This is a better idea.

SnapdragonToadflax · 22/09/2023 20:48

Does he actually mind? Has he mentioned it?

I imagine Star of the Week is more to encourage those who struggle or who have had an unusually good week, rather than something every child should get once a year.

debbrianna · 22/09/2023 20:51

There is a enough weeks in the school year to give every each child star of the week.. I would suggest writing an email and pointing this out.

Sometimeswinning · 22/09/2023 20:52

If it was my child I’d be in there talking to the teacher. To me star of the week is not about the child who receives constant attention but those who fall under the radar. Everyone gets it once and with those who stand out getting it more.

Sometimeswinning · 22/09/2023 20:53

SnapdragonToadflax · 22/09/2023 20:48

Does he actually mind? Has he mentioned it?

I imagine Star of the Week is more to encourage those who struggle or who have had an unusually good week, rather than something every child should get once a year.

Not at all.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/09/2023 20:56

We're only a couple of weeks into the school year. What happened last year or the year before is not the responsibility of this teacher. Mentioning to them teacher in passing that your child has not so far got Star of the Week is different from emailing as if you are demanding he gets it now. There's nearly a whole year to go yet.

cherry2727 · 22/09/2023 20:58

My son went through very similar in year 2 oo. You could have easily been talking about him! I was very petty and dragged out every school newsletter for the entire school year and did tally .... the results were sad....the same 4 kids got awarded multiple times throughout the entire school year .

I didn't say anything as I thought I was being petty but I will be raising it in year 3 if it happens ! Thus far , he's been on silver three times for the school term so I feel a bit optimistic. No advise sorry but just wanted to say that i know how you feel x

delphi13 · 22/09/2023 21:00

I had this with my son. He was getting increasingly morose about it and felt it was pointless trying at school as he wasn't recognised for it. I tried to talk to his teacher, told her I wasn't asking for her to just award it to him but to help him understand what it was he needed to do to get it as it was demotivating him. I said to her that he couldn't understand why she thought he was so mediocre in his efforts. She was not very impressed with me commenting about it and made that obvious. However, I then asked him what their term focus had been and then got him to do a bit of internet research (he was year 4 but I helped) and then he did his top
Ten facts about the topic and handed it in to her. That little bit of extra curricular effort was enough, along with my intervention, to get him the star of the week. He hadn't had it since year 2 before that when I had emailed the teacher with examples of his hand writing at the start of the year and then up until this point (it was lock down so they weren't necessarily seeing it themselves) and how pleased I was with the progression. Basically what I have found is, he's not brash enough about his achievements or bad enough to be getting awards just for trying, so they forget about him unless it's pointed out.

bopbey · 22/09/2023 21:00

I thought everyone got star of the week at some point

Tired6789 · 22/09/2023 21:01

Everyone in my DDs class gets at some point in the year. I think if hasn't had by parents eve you could mention that he didn't get at all last year and is that normal/what is their thinking around it

Henchilada · 22/09/2023 21:02

I take the point about it only being 2 weeks in, but i absolutely would raise this with the school, either by talking to the teacher at pick up or by emailing. I wouldn't be aggressive about it, but it does sound like they need to think through their rewards strategy on a wider basis. Its really damaging to a child's self esteem if they are not recognised for the star they are by their community.

User65412 · 22/09/2023 21:02

He's in y2? So how many stars of the week weeks has he experienced this year? Teachers don't pass on a list of who has had it and how many times. Same for last year. If year one they probably didn't start straight away.

MmmALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 22/09/2023 21:07

Both my DC learnt fast that the rewards aren't for the well behaved or best learners. It was mentioned by quite a few parents.

The quiet ones get overlooked and the bigger characters/teachers friends DC, got bribed/praised for behaving. That's how it was in my DC school atleast. I'm sure it's not ALL schools before anyone has to point it out.

Original poster

Raisinsandweetabix · 22/09/2023 21:15

Thankyou all. I really feel something is amiss as he really does try hard. I'm going to give it until parents eve in October, and if he hasn't received it by then I will mention it.
Im going to throw the question back to the teacher by asking "out of curiosity what criteria do kids have to meet to get this award" and then explain how I feel my son could do with a boost to his confidence rather than always being a cheerleader.

OP posts:

CornishTiger · 22/09/2023 21:15

So many times over the years in the last month or so of the year have I had to point out to teachers that my children haven’t had any recognition. Normally it results in a mention in the weekly newsletter of star pupil a few weeks later…..

The eldest had undiagnosed SEN and although now diagnosed has carried low self esteem into his teens.

My middle child was particularly easy and a model pupil. She noticed the injustice of it all.
Always did the right thing yet was never recognised until I mentioned to teachers. But she’s so good and doesn’t seem bothered. Well she is….

The youngest again normally does the right thing but can be a little difficult in attention due to hearing issues.

Its really not too much to expect teachers to keep a little class list of who has had a certificate already and yes there are enough weeks in the school year for everyone to get one. Our school does 2 per class each week.

CornishTiger · 22/09/2023 21:17

And actually if it’s a case of he never has had a reward I’d ask the head that question - out of curiosity what criteria do kids have to meet to get this award. I’d point out that he’s never had it and that the head needs to be encouraging teachers to keep a class list to ensure fairness.

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 21:18

Yes you should mention that it is affecting him and making him feel demotivated and demoralised

I know at my DC school they'd all get a turn at being star of the week at some point they just had to wait their turn. There are 30 of them after all

PoppityBoo · 22/09/2023 21:20

Ex teacher here. Every child in my class got it at some point during the year (39 weeks in a school year, minus a few for end of term alternative activities) leaves enough weeks to cover the class normally. Sometimes I had to REALLY look hard for a rewarding reason, but I do feel it is a special thing that every child should get to experience at least once during the year. Will you have another parents eve before the end of the year? If so I’d give it a term and then mention it if it still hasn’t happened by Xmas.

sunnybobs · 22/09/2023 21:21

Oh my gosh complain! Just complain right now. I'm a teacher and have kids- 2 of my kids get noticed all the time for anything & 1 is always overlooked. Literally she'd have got nothing in primary school if I hadn't complained, they're too little not to have done something right they've just been missed. The teacher should keep a list but some are rubbish at recording it. My children are now older and we all laugh about how their teachers saw my emails and started groaning 😂 I don't care - every kid needs a celebration even the quiet ones so just send an email & copy to head.

Iwasafool · 22/09/2023 21:22

HappiDaze · 22/09/2023 21:18

Yes you should mention that it is affecting him and making him feel demotivated and demoralised

I know at my DC school they'd all get a turn at being star of the week at some point they just had to wait their turn. There are 30 of them after all

Well he's been waiting over 2 years now so I think he's waited long enough.

Lemonademoney · 22/09/2023 21:24

Our school tries to ensure that every child will receive star of the week at some point during the year. Some may get it more than once

CornishTiger · 22/09/2023 21:25

It was the same with the bloody class teddy. Couple of kids had it twice. She still hadn’t. Again mentioned towards end of year and it appeared home.

Do schools schools still do that bloody teddy stuff. There used to be some fab Mumsnet threads with spoofs.

GodDammitCecil · 22/09/2023 21:27

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/09/2023 20:56

It’s the end of the third term in the southern hemisphere.

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