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Star of the week dilemmas

98 replies

Raisinsandweetabix · 22/09/2023 20:42

My son is in Y2. Despite not being the brightest or the most confident, he is very well behaved and hard working. Never once had a bad word about him from school.
At our school they do 'star of the week' for children who have demonstrated good behaviour relating to the core values.
Not ONCE in his time there has he received this award, while other children have had it 2,3,4 times. While my son sits there clapping like a monkey feeling rubbish because he never gets chosen.
I have felt really down about this as he is in need of a boost and why the hell shouldn't he. Never misses his homework, unlike some who never fill anything out . My question is- would you broach this with the teacher? I'm so so close to sending an email right now.

OP posts:
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Juliedxx · 26/09/2023 09:14

In every school I’ve ever worked in we’ve had a register we’ve ticked off each week with star of the week. It became so pointless when you got towards the end and you were literally having to give it to kids who had majorly misbehaved all week etc, just because you had to.

Give this teacher a chance and don’t go to the school about it. It will only flag you up as a parent who is trying to tell the teacher how to do their job.

I had parents even phoning me dictating the seating plan in my classroom 🤦🏼‍♀️ Eventually enough was enough and I left teaching. There will be no teachers left if everyone was to listen to some of the comments on here. It’s an impossible job already without people complaining about things you haven’t even done wrong yet

tiktokontheclock · 26/09/2023 11:07

BoohooWoohoo · 26/09/2023 09:02

I have had to "remind" my child's teacher by May half term that they hadn't received Star of the Week that year so that they miraculously won it the following week. With 30 in a class and at least 2 winning every week my child should win at least once a year imo. They don't need to win as often as the kids with behavioural issues but once a year would do the self esteem well.
Very sad that your son didn't win in Reception or year 1 either. My kids cottoned on in year 2 that schemes like that aren't really aimed at them and that it would be easy to win the reward if they alternates good and bad behaviour which is a hassle.

All these people saying only bad kids win it. My first born daughter is a certified angel and has won it 4 times, more than anyone else - because she deserves to!

I also never flagged it to her teacher when in reception if seemed to take a while to get one, but I absolutely would if she never caught up and started raking them in herself. You've got to advocate for your own kid.

DysmalRadius · 26/09/2023 17:30

DiaryOfaTTCer · 22/09/2023 23:32

Ex primary school teacher here.

Sorry to say it but I just used to make up who star of the week was when the list came round to my classroom and I was usually in a mad rush in the morning before assembly, so never time to look back and see who had had it so far that year!!

It's really not that deep.

This is the problem - schools go all in on extrinsic motivation and encouraging children to value teacher feedback more than their own sense of accomplishment, and then you get teachers that can't be arsed to follow through and leave the kids hanging! It's either important enough to spend time on or not - if you tell kids it's a way to recognise their achievements and then don't bother with it, you're setting them up for disappointment.

LadyEloise1 · 26/09/2023 17:56

debbrianna · 22/09/2023 20:51

There is a enough weeks in the school year to give every each child star of the week.. I would suggest writing an email and pointing this out.

This, absolutely.

MsJuniper · 26/09/2023 19:52

I am a teacher and keep a spreadsheet so I know who has had it and can make sure everyone gets it at least twice (we have two per week).

If a parent told me their child had been overlooked the previous year, I would be glad they let me know so I can make sure to prioritise him getting it early this year.

Many schools have a different system for Reception so perhaps it was just his Y1 teacher who made the error?

Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 20:24

The teacher replied: Many thanks for the email - we are glad, e is beginning to feel more settled in Year 2 and will continue to support him as he finds his feet.
The children for this week's Golden Assembly had already been chosen and spoken too. All children get the opportunity to be in Golden Assembly, something am sure will be in soon.
We make sure all children feel valued in class whether they have been in Golden Assembly or not and will continue to do this throughout. and all the children in the class's time in Year 2.
The children receive rewards in class such as
Green Tickets and Dojos points - please ask to tell you about these as he gets Dojo points on a daily basis

OP posts:
Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 20:25

I think it's a cop out. She hasn't answered my question as to what the criteria is and why he has been overlooked for two+ years

OP posts:
morechocolateneededtoday · 26/09/2023 20:40

Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 20:25

I think it's a cop out. She hasn't answered my question as to what the criteria is and why he has been overlooked for two+ years

In the nicest possible way, I think it is unreasonable to expect her to answer why he has been left out for the past 2 years as she was not his teacher. I absolutely think you did the right thing bringing it to her attention so she is aware this has happened and can ensure he gets something sooner rather than later.

Certainlyreally · 26/09/2023 20:42

My DC school, it was always the naughtiest kids who got start of the week. My DC never did. And yes, it demotivated and passed them off!

I'd speak to the teacher

ColleenDonaghy · 26/09/2023 20:42

Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 20:25

I think it's a cop out. She hasn't answered my question as to what the criteria is and why he has been overlooked for two+ years

Assuming she wasn't his teacher last year, it's not fair to expect her to explain why he was overlooked - it would be very unprofessional of her to answer for her colleague's actions.

Sounds like he'll win in the next few weeks so happy days.

Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 21:00

Why the same children multiple times then??? The same picked for the school council, for trips, for everything

OP posts:
morechocolateneededtoday · 26/09/2023 21:12

Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 21:00

Why the same children multiple times then??? The same picked for the school council, for trips, for everything

I don't disagree with it being completely unfair and I see the same in my DC class - it is always the same couple of children who are awarded first into a new academic year and then get given several times again over the year on top of being picked for several other things.

But this teacher was not responsible for the decisions made in the past and it is not fair to ask her to explain them. The best thing is to highlight that your child has been unfairly overlooked by her predecessors and is feeling resentful for this. Hopefully she will put it right now she is aware

Raisinsandweetabix · 26/09/2023 21:19

Thankyou. I will try to let it go now and see what the next few weeks bring. I hope school realise they have made an error

OP posts:
morechocolateneededtoday · 26/09/2023 21:26

I hope so too for your DC. It is so disheartening and demoralising for them to be completely missed and my heart goes out to them, especially as they have endured it for two years. In your shoes, I would give the teacher a chance to fix it (which it sounds like she is going to do) and if no success, I would escalate but in a nice way.

Life is unfair but this is not the time to taught this lesson. I believe we should advocate for them

outerlope · 26/09/2023 23:31

It sounds like you are putting your feelings about "the school" onto this one teacher. It's only the end of September. I don't know how (unless she was also their teacher in a previous year) she can have yet shown evidence that she chooses the same children for everything.

I feel like, unless something is missing you're being a little unfair. I am guessing that she has started the year picking the "good" students and you have assumed she will continue picking those same ones without waiting to see?

I don't know how she can answer "what is the criteria for being picked and why weren't they picked before?" because it's exceptionally unlikely that there is any specific criteria given. They don't get a certificate after every 17 cartwheels they do. It's likely the teachers are told just to pick a student who stood out to them that week.

She cannot possibly answer why the previous teachers left your child out or always picked the same students because she is not them. She is just a person like anyone else.

I feel like people often assume that teachers personally have a lot more choice and control than they do (assuming they make decisions about homework policies, toilet policies, the curriculum, assessments, authorising absences etc) when in my experience we had very little freedom at all especially later on when academies became a thing. Yet somehow at the same time, often teachers are lumped together as one entity. It's "the school" as a whole that have been leaving your child out after previous years' teachers didn't distribute certificates more evenly.

Even on this one thread there's differences amongst teachers on their attitudes to these things so it's obvious that different teachers are going to do these things in different ways.

Most here have agreed with you that it's not fair to repeatedly pick the same children. I said earlier in the thread that I think it's good to send an email and I stand by that, but I think it's a shame you went at it from an angle of wanting answers for things this teacher didn't have anything to do with and I think it's a shame that you have taken her answer as a cop out.

I'm not sure what else she could have said?

"Oh yes last year in the staff room Ms Miller always spoke about how she felt very strongly that your little Jamie must never get a certificate"?

"Oh yes that Ms Miller is such a bitch. I'm not surprised to hear it. None of us like her."?

"Oh did nobody tell you? To get star of the week you have to wear grey socks on the first Wednesday of the month. You did that? Well then I'd better get in touch with Ms Miller to fix it!"

I completely get that it's horrible seeing your child feeling deflated and looked over repeatedly. But I also think that you should try and open yourself to giving this teacher a chance.

If she does the same as previous teachers did then you can speak with her about it and speak about the effect it's having.

Traceability · 27/09/2023 18:17

I would not have emailed! If I got an email, I'd be really annoyed - not sure why, just annoys me more when parents email to complain! However, id be completely fine if spoke to in person. I'd consider that going forward!

Also, I actually found it harder to award more challenging children star of the week to be honest and they got it much less! It depends if a school is relying on that and not much else for motivating challenging learners.

Talapia · 27/09/2023 18:30

We keep a book.
Sometimes, some kids get it more than others, but there may be reasons that other parents would not be party to. A child with a sick relative, taken into care, eviction etc, who may just need that certificate more that week than your child.

We always make sure everyone gets it at some point though.

MotorwayDiva · 27/09/2023 18:59

I usually mention to the teacher that she's been trying really hard but is getting demotivated.
I think some kids get overlooked especially if well behaved and just get on with it and teacher just needs a bit of a nudge, they are human and under pressure so may not realise.

QuickTraybake · 11/04/2024 15:08

Just speak to the teacher. DS also in Year 2 had this similar issue, told the teacher then he got it twice.

LetItGoToRuin · 11/04/2024 15:47

QuickTraybake · 11/04/2024 15:08

Just speak to the teacher. DS also in Year 2 had this similar issue, told the teacher then he got it twice.

@QuickTraybake The OP did contact the teacher - back in September when this thread was active...

ageratum1 · 04/05/2024 03:17

In a school I work in they do not give it out by 'buggins turn' but to whichever pupil deserves it, regardless of how many times they have already won it

sashh · 04/05/2024 08:13

At primary I would have been mortified to be given an award in front of the school.

I still hate being the centre of attention.

Are you sure he wants to win it?

CurlewKate · 04/05/2024 09:15

@Raisinsandweetabix "While my son sits there clapping like a monkey "

What a horrible way to put it!

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