Star of the week dilemmas

[Raisinsandweetabix]

My son is in Y2. Despite not being the brightest or the most confident, he is very well behaved and hard working. Never once had a bad word about him from school.
At our school they do 'star of the week' for children who have demonstrated good behaviour relating to the core values.
Not ONCE in his time there has he received this award, while other children have had it 2,3,4 times. While my son sits there clapping like a monkey feeling rubbish because he never gets chosen.
I have felt really down about this as he is in need of a boost and why the hell shouldn't he. Never misses his homework, unlike some who never fill anything out . My question is- would you broach this with the teacher? I'm so so close to sending an email right now.

This makes me think it is you that needs the boost not him

Just ask. I've got 2 DDs. DD1 always got star of the week first week of the year or "when the teacher couldn't think of something someone had done that week". She weirdly resented it because it wasn't actually because she'd done something out of the ordinary. She was impeccably behaved, really attentive and confident, so was easy to choose. DD2 has some mild SEN which makes it harder for her to really engage in her learning. I have had to remind her teacher at times, usually second half of the summer term, that she hasn't been picked yet - particularly because DD1 has told her that everyone gets it at least once a year. The teachers have always responded well.

sorry that you're that bored on a Friday you have to troll

They was in response to wandawonder

Why do they give it to the same kid multiple times? Any teachers care to enlighten me? As a few have said, just keep a little tally so no one is missed.

I wouldn't wait until October, I'd do it now.

I'm a teacher. I have a list, I mark them off. Some people do get it twice because there are more weeks than children. I wouldn't give it to someone twice if everyone hadn't had one unless that child had done something spectacular. Which does happen.

Your boy not getting one isn't OK and it shouldn't have happened and I'd just tell his current teacher in a straightforward way.

I've taught in lots of different classes and schools- all had a checklist for star of the week to ensure each child gets it during the year. YANBU - I agree that as the year has just started a gentle mention that he was overlooked last year at parents eve should do it.

When I mentioned it to my sons teacher last year (with only two weeks to go) she was very dismissive and said 'well it's a difficult award to get and lots of kids won't get it' meanwhile her favourite has had it 3 times in one year. Glad to see teachers on here confirming what I thought about how all the kids should be recognised, my son had really turned things around with certain areas and she just didn't see how demotivating her attitude was to a good section of the class.

I’m a teacher and would want to know if a child in my class hadn't had one the previous year. I keep a record of mine so they all get a turn. One of my own children was always the one that no teacher noticed; well behaved, able but not remarkable as far as they were concerned, I vowed to notice every single child in my class.

I would grab the teacher for a word (at an appropriate moment), and frame it as a potential shared concern, rather than a conflict.

I do think it's bad if they've not made sure all the children get a turn at being recognised.

My children are at secondary school now but I used to HATE this nonsense. My older two were the type to be looked over: bright but not gifted, well behaved but not perfect, no SEN, just average kids really. It was so bloody obvious that I stopped looking at the termly awards list as I could predict the majority of it, especially in my eldest’s year. I wish I’d made more of an issue about it tbh. My friend is a teacher at a different school - her 2 DCs were in the same years at mine and she felt the same way.

My youngest has SEN and is also never picked for awards but at least was very sporty and loved by the PE lead which has had a massively positive effect on him as he struggles so much with school otherwise. I’ll always be grateful to that teacher.

Personally I’d say something: I wish I had done for my older two.

But there's no point complaining to this teacher about previous teachers.

I'm an ex teacher and on almost all of the school threads I am on the teachers side but in your case I think you are a 100% right.

I always kept records of this stuff, always ensured everyone got it once, and I also always found a reason to give it (never just 'because there was nobody else to pick' - I react hope that wasn't the teachers words!). Sometimes it's hard but often you can engineer it if you have someone in mind that week - even just picking them to help you with jobs and then mentioning how helpful they've been around the classroom etc.

As a child I was constantly overlooked and the same kids got everything (parts in the school play, awards etc.) I always wished I would be noticed. I absolutely loved writing and one year a teacher noticed and gave me lots of encouragement and praise and to this day I remember her comments to me about it and remember finally feeling seen.

There are so many things that are really difficult about being a teacher but making sure each child is noticed and praised is an absolute necessity. I'd honestly put tracking my star of the weeks as more important than tracking their academic progress.

However presumably there's a new teacher this year and so I would tread lightly and not assume they are googling to do the same as last year. Since the term is new it's not unusual yours wouldn't have got SOTW yet.

Personally as a teacher I wouldn't have minded an email about this at all as long as I wasn't being blamed for what previous teachers did and the tone was polite rather than critical. If it were me I would just explain that your son really looks forward to star of the week, never won at all last year and really hopes to win this year and that you think the recognition would really help his self esteem. That you'd really appreciate it if the teacher could keep an eye out for him doing something that would be worthy of SOTW this year. I'd explain you're not asking for him to be given it right now but that you really hope he can get it at some point over the academic year.

Honestly if you sent me that email it would probably be one of the nicest parent emails of the term Some of the correspondence from parents was so rude and so unbelievably entitled that your email wouldn't even get a quarter or an eye roll.

Well in a way it is ok to complain about previous teachers if you're speaking to head. Complaints can be very polite and really it's just speaking up about the system. I take the approach of "I wonder if you can tell me what my child needs to do to try and be in line for star of the week? They'd absolutely love to be recognised but so far have been missed in year 1, 2 &3. Could you tell me what skills, attitudes or attributes you're looking for and I can help my child etc etc"
Usually it's poor record keeping on the teachers part, honestly in reception I complained when my daughter hadn't had one but some child was on their second for making a "lovely felt penguin" 😂 it's reception! Choose them all! I'm high school and can reward every kid I teach if I think hard enough.

Agree with everyone else about approaching the teacher, particularly if your son is so aware of this. Years back I remember DS getting star of the week, for the first time, the very first week of Y2. His teacher was head of infants and very aware that not only had DS never had star of the week, he'd also not had a great year in Y1 and needed turning around, which she did very effectively.

How is it trilling? I wonder is teachers have a comparison on how many kids have issues compared with their parents?

Sure if you want to address it with the current teacher fine, But no I don't think it is a great conspiracy that has gone year by year, but it seems if people don't go all 'omg op you are totally right' the word troll comes out

Thankyou so much for your lovely and helpful responses especially hearing from ex/ current teachers. I'm the least precious person when it comes to my kids, but this needs sorting for the sake of my son's confidence going forward.
sadly this happened with my ADHD daughter (same school same teachers) and I did indeed speak constructively with them about it. Lo and behold the certificate appeared the week after. Somehow it lost its value ... we all like to feel special, even more so when you are 6 years old

Have a word with the teacher. I am sure there are other parents in the same situation. In Y2, they should be making sure they motivate all children's for their own achievements.

Personally I think it is a rubbish system but then you have to deal with it.

If necessary, I would email the school and put the issue in writing as well. Talk about confidence, his personal achievements etc. especially if you are at a prep.

Ex primary school teacher here.

Sorry to say it but I just used to make up who star of the week was when the list came round to my classroom and I was usually in a mad rush in the morning before assembly, so never time to look back and see who had had it so far that year!!

It's really not that deep.

You know what?
I'm shy and will just accept things to be "nice" but dh is pushy regarding our dc, not overly bolshy but will be direct in asking for what they need. He will happily say "I think Tom would really benefit from being chosen for this"
And I've seen how his approach gets results that benefit our dc whereas mine would see them (quiet, kind hard working kids like yours) left at the bottom of the pile.
Systems that constantly reward the same few kids at the expense of others are shitty in my opinion and deserve to be challenged.

Except it is for the kid that feels he's not good enough

Then it would have gone to whoever was at the top of your thoughts, which will absolutely have been the same kids over and over. You may not have cared, but did you not stop to think about the impact on the kids who didn’t ever get it?

Every good teacher I have known, whether professionally, as a parent, or as a friend, has cared about their class enough to take this seriously.

Of course it’s ‘not that deep’ for the teacher. That’s no revelation to anyone on here.

It is very significant for the 6YO (non-)recipient, which is the point of the thread.

And the OP telling him, ‘oh, the teachers just scribble down the first name that comes to mind’ (if your post is, and I assume it is, meant to be reassuring) - that isn’t going to be any sort of salve to a 6YO.

<side eye> …. do you even understand small children….?

If it’s that meaningless, why waste time doing it?

Is he the only child who hasn't received it?

Soo pleased I've read this thread ! Some very helpful perspective. Thank you all