Looking for an amazing private primary

[mudandbuttons]

So now that two education experts have told me that the kind of school I'm looking for doesn't exist, I thought it was time to turn to mumsnet...

My DS is 7, about to start Y3, and we are looking to move him from the state primary where he currently is, into the private sector. He is crazily bright for his age, if we were in America, I guess he'd be 'gifted and talented' (top 3% in a recent WHISC test - I'm not being smug, just setting the scene). Recently diagnosed ASC and ADHD, he masks it all at school and is incredibly diligent and conscientious: sits still, does his work, tows the line, top of the class. But at a cost to his mental health, meltdowns at home and close to burn out.

He needs a school that will allow him to fulfill his academic potential without stressing him out in the meantime. Small classes, lots of personal attention, lots of physical activity and being out outdoors in nature, preferably around animals, a varied and challenging curriculum with minimal stressful competitive situations.

Is there a school out there for him?! Or am I mad?

We are currently in Buckinghamshire but ready to relocate, so any suggestions for West London (we used to live in Hammersmith and would happily move back). Or maybe somewhere coastal. I also have family in Gloucestershire. Open to all suggestions, we want to spread the net wide in order to find the right place.

We also have a younger son in Year 1, who ideally would go to the same school. Particularly, though not exclusively, interested in all-through schools, to avoid the disruption of moving again later down the line.

Help!

Which preps have you visited that don't
meet your criteria? Have you visited Chesham Prep or somewhere like Beechwood Park?
What secondary do you envisage as you need to start selecting in year 5. For example Stowe, Haileybury or Bradfield?
Where you are currently based has so many options.

It's worth remembering the U.K. education system is driven by grades, your gcse grades and predicted a levels help select your uni course. The same curriculum is taught in most schools to a lesser or greater degree.

1 other option for could be a feeder prep to Teddies in Oxford.

Sorry I missed the bit about all through school. What is wrong with Berkhampsted?
Another option is Bruern Abbey as it now goes to 16 but not academic and soooo expensive!!

Aside from the wisc assessment is he exceeding expectations in school? The reason I ask is that I've assessed children who've come out on the 97-99th Percentile in a one off structured assessment, but could not access the curriculum.

Bruern Abbey for your older child
I know a similar boy who did very well at Hampton Prep in the days when it was Denmead
If being academically stretched is the key to his mental well being Westminster Under or St Pauls Prep.
It nurturing is more the key The Hall Wimbledon
Does he have an EHCP?

More ideas.
https://www.oxfordmontessori.co.uk/forest-farm-primary
and New Forest small school https://www.newforestsmallschool.com/
Really depends alot on the child. My DS loved structure because he fely secure when he knew exactly what and when things occured, where he should be and how to behave. But I know other DC who flourish better when the pressure is off

Look at Sherrardswood in Herts.

Wallhampton in Lymington. Only goes to 13 though.

Dolphin school? But only goes to 13

Have a look at York House in Sarratt (Herts, by Rickmansworth). They have a farm on site. It’s an all ability school but does act rather as a feeder to Merchant Taylor’s and definitely caters for the very brightest children. Lots and lots of outdoor stuff.

It only goes to 13 though BUT a lot can change in those years. They send boys to both day schools and boarding so you have options. I would have a look at Shiplake at 13.

Oh my gosh, thank you all so much already for your suggestions, this is brilliant. It's a very new diagnosis so we are really at the beginning of our journey and haven't yet viewed any schools yet what with them all closed for the summer. There are just so many schools out there, this is so useful for starting to narrow it down.

He is hitting all the targets at school and is on the 'clever' table in his class (I'm sure they don't call it that, but can't think what they do!) His lowest whisc score was on processing speed which I think is quite common in neurodivergence so he'll probably need extra time and a laptop when he gets older, but yes by all reports he's smashing it academically (but really doesn't like school, perhaps partly because bored, not challenged)

He doesn't have an EHCP yet, but will be something we look into next term.

Sorry I'm new to posting on mumsnet and can't figure out how to reply to individual comments! 🙄

Have a look at Holmewood house nr t wells. Huge emphasis on mental health, well being etc. They have therapy Labradors and are really focused on the whole child. They have huge grounds, forest school and lots of outdoor time. It's not selective but they have small classes and are very successfully stretching my very bright DS without marking him out from his peers. It's to 13, with follow on options nearby like seven oaks.

My experience of contacting numerous prep schools for my ASD son is that the majority don't care how academically gifted the child is, the moment you mention ASD/ADHD they don't want to know. For us the priority is that our DS goes to a school who doesn't have this attitude and is accepting of him. This is more important than the academic side. I think finding an all- through school which is accepting of ASD and comes out on top academically is rare.
We are looking at Sibford school in Banbury which is 3-18 and seems very nurturing but I'm not sure how academically challenging it is.

The Perse or Stephen Perse in Cambridge?

Not what you asked but is home ed an option?

Further down the line Hockerill in Bishops Stortford excellent for SEN, academic and can be named on an EHCP or there is the aptitude test. It is a state boarding school but very very oversubscribed.

Have you looked at Beacon School in Amersham? It’s only until 13 but is really inclusive and excellent with SEN.

Interesting that @Mary19 suggested the Oxford Montessori schools. These were also recommended to me in a similar situation - it was too far for us but would be worth looking into if location is viable. (Montessori can be fabulous if done well, but any school can call themselves a Montessori school)
Most academically selective preps (at least those near London) have a fair few kids this bright. The upper percentiles are over-represented by a factor of 5 or more. So they might have nearly a quarter of the class in the top 3%, at least by attainment if not innate ability. What they don't often deal with is that ability in combination with ASC/ADHD.
Sometimes the very academic schools can be the most rigid and thus a poor fit. We were warned off a couple by specialists who said the prestigious school hadn't listened to a word they'd said in earlier cases.
What you need is flexibility and a focus on strengths to promote engagement rather than a focus on remediating weaknesses.

I have heard (from satisfied parents) that the Dwight school in North London has dealt very well with a few cases of high ability + coexisting other issues. Otherwise you could try some of the academic preps (alleyns, latymer upper?) but I would suggest being open about the ASC/ADHD to see if they're up for dealing with it. The experience of @Toffeebythesea is probably fairly typical - most schools don't want to know.
Home ed is also worth considering if you find that the best fit that you can find within "the system" is still not good enough.

I’d focus on the nurturing bit and a school that can help/ welcome his neuro-divergence. There’s no point him being at a school that pushed him if he can’t cope with the setting.

A friend has a son with severe ADHD who is brilliantly clever, but has just been excluded from his private prep because they can’t cope with his behaviour, behaviour the the school setting has made so much worse through their cack-handed approach to his ADHD.

You could try St Christopher in Letchworth which is a 3-18 school which will often take academic kids with a diagnosis. They have lots of animals on site including alpacas, great music and drama and A level and GCSE results are good too. Limited pressure and there’s homework flexibility for kids with a diagnosis. Small classes and there’s a bus network.

You could try St Christopher in Letchworth which is a 3-18 school which will often take academic kids with a diagnosis. They have lots of animals on site including alpacas, great music and drama and A level and GCSE results are good too. Limited pressure and there’s homework flexibility for kids with a diagnosis. Small classes and there’s a bus network.

Ok these are all fantastic recommendations, thank you so much and keep 'em coming! I'm putting them on the list for further research and open day sign ups. We've got our work cut out for us but I think as soon as we can start visiting schools we'll get a clearer idea of what will work for him. I had such traditional schooling myself it's sometimes hard to think outside of that box. I think HE thinks homeschooling would be the answer but I'm certainly not cut out for it!

So true. My son has adhd and asd and three local private schools didn't want to know. They didn't even want to meet him or speak to his prep school to find out how he was coping etc.

Luckily we found a senior school where he's starting this year, a little more expensive but I think it'll be worth it.