Looking for an amazing private primary

[mudandbuttons]

So now that two education experts have told me that the kind of school I'm looking for doesn't exist, I thought it was time to turn to mumsnet...

My DS is 7, about to start Y3, and we are looking to move him from the state primary where he currently is, into the private sector. He is crazily bright for his age, if we were in America, I guess he'd be 'gifted and talented' (top 3% in a recent WHISC test - I'm not being smug, just setting the scene). Recently diagnosed ASC and ADHD, he masks it all at school and is incredibly diligent and conscientious: sits still, does his work, tows the line, top of the class. But at a cost to his mental health, meltdowns at home and close to burn out.

He needs a school that will allow him to fulfill his academic potential without stressing him out in the meantime. Small classes, lots of personal attention, lots of physical activity and being out outdoors in nature, preferably around animals, a varied and challenging curriculum with minimal stressful competitive situations.

Is there a school out there for him?! Or am I mad?

We are currently in Buckinghamshire but ready to relocate, so any suggestions for West London (we used to live in Hammersmith and would happily move back). Or maybe somewhere coastal. I also have family in Gloucestershire. Open to all suggestions, we want to spread the net wide in order to find the right place.

We also have a younger son in Year 1, who ideally would go to the same school. Particularly, though not exclusively, interested in all-through schools, to avoid the disruption of moving again later down the line.

Help!

Pretty funny that you think a private school can cope with SEN better than a state school. Private schools only want NT children.

I mean, such a ridiculously antiquated attitude to neurodiversity. It's like they're literally turning away the most interesting people society has to offer. All money and grades-related I'm assuming. Infuriating and demeaning.

It’s absolutely true that private schools can be awful with SEN. But some are good. Sherrardswood mentioned earlier in the thread has quite a number of kids with EHCPs placed there by local authorities as a result.

Warwick prep in Warwickshire has a superb ND advocate/lead. Fits my child beautifully, they took the stress out of everything and had made all adaptions before diagnosis.

A common misconception and simply not true

Bedales?

Try kitebrook house. I think it might only be girls after 8 but ring and ask. It's near Moreton in the Marsh so Gloucestershire.

Sherradswood doesn’t always work and the consensus locally is that they have bitten off more than they can chew.

OP you do have to exercise caution with Private Schools especially with an EHCP as yes they are bound by the SEN code of conduct but being independent businesses they can do what they like ultimately and can manage your child out or just ask you to leave. They are under no obligation to honour the EHCP.

I am not saying don’t go for it and have made suggestions myself, they can work but just be careful. Sadly in my area there are a lot of private schools asking SEN children to leave at the moment or make life uncomfortable so parents will withdraw. At least if you have an EHCP you will be able to name your school.

But the experience of several posters here is that it is true.
To state it more carefully: most private schools only want NT children. They are businesses. They don't want to take in cases that will eat up more resources than the fees cover because they'll make a loss. Some private schools may be open to taking ND children providing they're not "resource-heavy". But they're the exception.
Then there is the issue of whether the school will know how to deal with the ND child once they're there. The incidence of ND and SEN is much lower in private schools, so they have far less experience. They're also less likely to have a full-time SEN coordinator. So overall, state schools are better set up to deal with children with ND and/or SEN, because it occurs more often in those schools, is planned for, and is not seen as someone else's problem.
That's the trend, though there are exceptions on both sides.

We know children with dx who are happy and doing very well at Sherrardswood. But it does not suit all.

I would second Bedales (Hampshire), the prep school is called Dunhurst. My impression is that individualism is really valued and the classes are small.

Perhaps also consider More House?
a friends son with asd is thriving there. This is from their website -

Nationally celebrated, for eighty years More House has empowered bright boys who might struggle in mainstream schools, to transform their futures and to realise their true potential. The largest school of its kind in Britain, More House offers a full range of specialist support, particularly for boys with specific learning and language-based difficulties, including Dyslexia, Developmental Language Disorder (DLD) and Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD). More House School provides full boarding, weekly boarding and day places.

There is simply no evidence that it is "most". As with everything the vociferous complainers are more likely to be on a forum such as this whereas the very many who have been accepted into such schools just go about their business.

As regards they are less likely to have SEN that's complete nonsense. They are indeed more likely to have qualified assessors and may not list them as SEN but Learning Supoort or under other titles.

So your opinion that most is simply that. As I said it is a common misconception that private settings will not take or cater for ND children. You can say they don't all you want if that is your experience. It is not mine having worked in education.

How about Kingswood House in Epsom? Tiny classes, open to children with ADHD. I know children thriving there.

I would really recommend taking a look at Port Regis School in North Dorset. It is a prep school (www.portregis.com) really amazing with incredible facilities. A friends daughter goes there and I've visited, the set up feels like the secondary school I went to! The grounds are outstanding and the sport provision amazing, I believe they play sport everyday. I also follow their Instagram which is a great insight!

How about Pilgrims in Winchester?

Obviously I am not going to name schools but in my area the majority of private schools will not accept SEN and if they do accept will happily manage out or ask to leave. It is the rule rather than the exception sadly.

@Spirallingdownwards
And you have absolutely zero evidence apart from your own experiences to show that private schools will accept sen children.
I have worked in private schools and I have a neurodiverse child and my experience is that those schools that will accept sen children are in the minority. Most of this make this pretty clear on their website with the extra charges for learning support etc

Have a look at Bedales. If he's bright it will cater for that, but also allows for individuality and different interests.

Bedes ?

Sorry pressed go too soon. In East Sussex. It's a through school I think.

Maybe have a look at Barnardiston Hall in Suffolk. It's known as being quite eccentric but has a family feel, loads of outdoor space and animals of all sorts running around.

Thank you so much everyone, I am compiling a list of all your suggestions. Really appreciate it.

Bredon School in Worcestershire
Has an excellent SEN dept
Has a farm and is very outdoorsy

Abingdon school takes bright/academic boys who like sports all the way through 18.