Looking for an amazing private primary

[mudandbuttons]

So now that two education experts have told me that the kind of school I'm looking for doesn't exist, I thought it was time to turn to mumsnet...

My DS is 7, about to start Y3, and we are looking to move him from the state primary where he currently is, into the private sector. He is crazily bright for his age, if we were in America, I guess he'd be 'gifted and talented' (top 3% in a recent WHISC test - I'm not being smug, just setting the scene). Recently diagnosed ASC and ADHD, he masks it all at school and is incredibly diligent and conscientious: sits still, does his work, tows the line, top of the class. But at a cost to his mental health, meltdowns at home and close to burn out.

He needs a school that will allow him to fulfill his academic potential without stressing him out in the meantime. Small classes, lots of personal attention, lots of physical activity and being out outdoors in nature, preferably around animals, a varied and challenging curriculum with minimal stressful competitive situations.

Is there a school out there for him?! Or am I mad?

We are currently in Buckinghamshire but ready to relocate, so any suggestions for West London (we used to live in Hammersmith and would happily move back). Or maybe somewhere coastal. I also have family in Gloucestershire. Open to all suggestions, we want to spread the net wide in order to find the right place.

We also have a younger son in Year 1, who ideally would go to the same school. Particularly, though not exclusively, interested in all-through schools, to avoid the disruption of moving again later down the line.

Help!

Something I would say from experience op and I hope you don’t mind me saying this as I know you are only asking about schools, is to try to think of all of you in this, including your and dh’s needs. You know the old saying about fitting your own oxygen mask first and I think that’s so important as a SEN parent.

I’ve found its key not to move anywhere that will be too much for you both in terms of travel to work, moving away from friends and family. Those support networks are so incredibly important for all parents and even more so for those of us with children with SEN.

Do also be cautious about moving anywhere where that particular school is the only show in town/anywhere more remote. I heard through an acquaintance about a family who moved to an area on the south coast for a particular school and after a few years it became obvious that school wasn’t quite the right fit and there was NOTHING else appropriate locally.

Came on to suggest this school! 👍🏼

If he is close to burnout you need to be very, very careful where you place him and a specialist independent like Bruern Abbey might be a better fit and have the actual knowledge and skill you need.

just a thought as you are in Bucks what about Egerton Rothsay which is in Berkhamsted so close to Herts/Bucks border. I agree with @muminherts to be cautious of moving away just for a school as it is no guarantee that it will work especially for Indies as the culture can change in a heartbeat with just a change of head who might not be so welcoming of SEN. I know this can happen from bitter experience.

I can highly recommend St George's School Windsor Castle. My son has ADHD and ADHD and thrived there. Very small class sizes capped at 15, high academic standards, lots of sport, music and space to play outside and strong SEN support. Only goes to 13 though.

*ADHD (combined type) and Level 1 ASD

This is a good point re: change in culture, and one which we have also experienced - we placed DS1 in an all-through school which we picked after having discussed at length with the head of the senior school. Within a year that head had retired and there was an abrupt change in culture. Within 3 years the new head had expelled / off-rolled several children and was pressuring us to remove our child / find another school.

Have you looked at Christ Church Cathedral School in Oxford? It’s very small and nurturing, with a lot of “quirky” children many of whom are very bright. My very bright son (ADHD and autism diagnosis in October last year) joined last term from his local state school where he had been struggling. We can’t believe how much he is thriving! He is known and supported by all the staff, and loving the small classes, academic challenge and variety of extra activities on offer.

@anotherfinemess1
This is one of the schools we're considering for our ASD son. Could I ask how sporty it is? He is hates sport and would not enjoy an environment where there is a big focus on sport.
My other concern is the traffic and how we'd get him into Oxford city centre each day.

@anotherfinemess1 sounds very interesting, will definitely look into it as we are not too far from Oxford

The new forest small school

No uniform, mixed age classes, outdoor lessons , very small amount of pupils.

Sport at Christ Church - they make a big thing of everyone joining in and they do all seem to enjoy it. Because it’s a small school they tend to play against B and C teams of larger prep schools. You’re right about the traffic. A lot of parents go by bike or bus, though quite a lot do brave the Oxford roads! Train works for us.

I would agree with this. When my DD were there there was a pet shed for hamsters/Guinea pigs etc, ponies on site, 100 acres and sailing on site on one of the lakes plus countless other things.
If he's bright you could consider trying for scholarships?

@anotherfinemess1
Thank you. I think we definitely go and look around. There website mentions a bus service which might work for us but there seem to be no further details about that.
I also can't find anything about the timings of the school day. Do they have to stay late?

@CrotchetyQuaver @3WildOnes Thankyou, sounds amazing and we love it round there. Will definitely research further.

Yes it's something we really need to consider @muminherts @EctopicSpleen @User2346 I really don't want to rush in to moving as we already moved away from London 18 months ago, so I know it's got to be the right thing for the whole family before we make the upheaval. Having said that, we don't feel settled here, DS is not happy at the school AND my parents who were close by have subsequently moved, so I think that biting the bullet and moving one more time before the boys get too old, might be just what we have to do to be happy (or happier). But this time I want to do it right, take my time and figure out something that works for all of us. Bring on next term when I can start visiting schools and narrowing things down!

From what you've said you actually need a school for his social and emotional needs. If he is bright he will learn but if he has meltdowns and these can't be addressed it's a recipe for disaster. My dd is very gifted (Y9 and could easily get 7+ in her GCSEs tomorrow if she took them) and the school she is at really looks after her emotional well being- she struggles to not be perfect at everything, is angry when she's dropped one mark in a test 🙄.

It depends on their age. Years 3 and 4 finish at 3.55 and the older ones at 4.10. They’re kept so busy it doesn’t feel late!

@anotherfinemess1
That sounds absolutely fine then. I'm not keen on the 6pm finish that some schools have but no problem with 4ish

This sounds exactly like my son who is now 3.5. We registered him for Chesham prep about 6 months ago and I strongly suspect ADHD but like your boy, he masks and is exceptionally bright, I don't see why he wouldn't thrive in a private prep school?

Have you been to visit some of the schools you liked in principle? The only way to be sure if somewhere is right for him is surely to see it and speak with the staff about your son and his specific needs and your thoughts about what you want for him?

Hi @mudandbuttons I was wondering what decision you made?

Abingdon is through to 18 and definitely take ASD so long as they are high functioning and not disruptive.

Thank you @RugglesB I will check it out. Do you have personal experience of the school?

@HuntyGirl tbh it's all been pretty much put on hold over the summer holidays as all the schools are closed to visitors. But we are going to make visiting schools our top priority from Tuesday onwards (when my boys go back) so I will be sure to keep this thread posted as to what we end up doing!