What are state primaries like nowadays?

[questiano]

I've got DC due to start reception next year. My question is what state primaries are like nowadays. I was at school around 30 years ago so not sure what might have changed.

I was at a 'nice' state primary in a relatively well to do area and the one local to us now would fit that brief too (under 10% pupil premium).

But I had a terrible experience. I was bullied mercilessly which the head did nothing about despite my parents constantly complaining, behaviour was awful, no extra curricular or afterschool clubs except music lessons, big classes with years lumped together, I was bullied by a teacher for a year, made to feel stupid with my confidence wrecked. Teachers had favourites who got all the best places eg in sports teams and school plays. I struggled to make friends and fell out with people all the time as we weren't taught emotional intelligence around friendships. I could go on!

Although I am a very well adjusted adult now with a good social life, through my teens and 20s I was mostly suicidal with loads of self harm, eating disorders and depression. I think my school experiences drove that.

Obviously I don't want this experience for my kids. Are state primaries better nowadays at meeting children's needs and giving them good opportunities?

[VisionsOfSplendour]

At the risk of stating the obvious schools are not all the same , what are you expecting people to say? There's no way to answer your question

All you can do is find out as much as you can about the options available to you. Any other school is a complete irrelevance

[HmumR]

It varies from school to school - even class to class within a school. I would visit any schools you’re interested in (whether state or private) and see what it feels like.

[Shinyandnew1]

This is an ‘as long as a piece of string’ question!

500 people might reply saying their local primary is amazing with cheap wraparound care, every club you can imagine, static staff, no cases of bullying and a therapy dog (!), but yours might be shite! Go and look and see what you think.

[Flora56]

Some are wonderful, some not so great. Some will cater brilliantly for some kids and not others. Many teachers go above and beyond daily but some obviously don’t as with any profession. They’re all different.

All i’d say is, ignore ofsted reports and visit schools to get a feel for what their priorities are. Then choose the one you like in your catchment. Having said that, when my daughter started we only had one catchment school so if we’d not liked it, it would’ve been tough!!

[questiano]

Thanks. Totally appreciate all schools are different, I suppose I'm wondering about the culture. Like nowadays there's so much more focus on and understanding of children's mental health and better focus on resilience so wondered if generally this is picked up on more in schools. The things my school got away with I'd really hope wouldn't fly nowadays.

I'll definitely look round our local ones, but guessing they will all claim to be very attentive to children's needs but just wondered if generally other parents feel content that their children are being well looked after at school.

Do people generally feel that their kids are given enough individual focus and support in school? I know it varies but if the vast majority of people were saying yes then I'd be more confident that culture has changed since my day if that makes sense!

[2reefsin30knots]

Skint.

[Tulipvase]

@2reefsin30knots

Skint.

This.

And probably very short staffed, or soon will be.

[questiano]

@2reefsin30knots how does that affect the provision? Do schools generally have someone children can talk to if they're struggling emotionally? What are the first things schools have to lose when money is tight?

[Pinkflipflop85]

We're too skint and overworked for children to have individual focus.

I try my best, but sadly some children get overlooked due to all of my effort going into managing the explosive behaviours of the unsupported send children in my class.

[Shinyandnew1]

Do schools generally have someone children can talk to if they're struggling emotionally?

Schools in areas of high social deprivation tend to have more money so may have class TAs or learning mentors/pastoral staff lurking around. A lot of other schools just have a class teacher and a part time senco!

[questiano]

@VisionsOfSplendour suppose I want real life stories like 'my child gets lots of support and is happy' or 'my child does three clubs a week'. I just have no sense of what it's like for kids to be at school nowadays so want some insight from people who have kids in school. Whether they enjoy it, if you're happy as parents, if schools offer much pastoral support etc

I know there will be a broad range of experiences but any good ones will reassure me and any bad ones will help me think about what extra support might help my kids

[questiano]

@Pinkflipflop85 thank you for trying your best! I did have one excellent teacher at school who cared like it sounds like you do and I was so grateful to her

[NewtonsCradle]

OP I had a similar experience at school, and I think it's mostly luck of the draw. However the way of making things better for your child imo is to get on side with the school. Spend parents evening flattering the teacher and saying how much your child loves them. Offer to volunteer so you get involved with the school and are seen to be helpful. Never complain (it makes your child a 'problem'). Everything is great and you are really happy... The bullies pick on the children with no support or those who are perceived as already unhappy/argumentative.

[Kiwimommyinlondon]

Full of feral children and feckless parents. Constant fist fights from the dads in the playground at drop off. Most of the mums rock up in dressing gowns.

[questiano]

@Kiwimommyinlondon :-( how do you feel about that as a parent? What can you do to help your child still to thrive?

[thaodien]

Lovely environment where teachers smile to each other and parents. Children happy to go to school and look forward to be back after school holidays. I have not heard from anyone I know about a single bad state primary. Obviously everyone did their homework and had lots of data / info to inform their choice of school.

I guess the main difference to 30 yrs ago is parents dedicating more time to children thanks to improved work life balance so any signs of children not getting the right support in school are picked up and dealt with.

[WheelsUp]

If education is important to you then not voting Tory is important. Things are rapidly deteriorating in education- not enough teachers, not enough money and no investment.
We are probably looking at more strikes in the autumn and you have no choice but to cross your fingers and hope for the best.
Some schools are great while others are not and it's not a private/state thing either. Private schools may have the smaller classes but some are quick to ask you to leave if your child doesn't fit in the mould and need extra support.
I don't find that a high OFSTED rating is any indication either. My kids went to what OFSTED used to call "adequate" (so not good or failing ) and that school was excellent at working on issues when they arose. It might be because my kids went there when Brown and Cameron were in power so they had more money.

[SunnyEgg]

They are a range. The dressing gown version in pp but against that ours is full of happy children with committed parents

Clubs, fairs, community and kind

[2reefsin30knots]

@questiano

@2reefsin30knots how does that affect the provision? Do schools generally have someone children can talk to if they're struggling emotionally? What are the first things schools have to lose when money is tight?

Well, my 2 form entry used to have 3 fill time ELSAs, now it has 1 and that's a bit of a luxury.

[MagpieSong]

My ds is at a village state primary. My dd will attend the same one when old enough. I’d say they use screens too often, but generally are good. I still think there’s something not quite right with his writing ability (still mirroring and muddling letters) for his age, but they’ve been supportive around adhd. They dealt really well with bullying and sorted it very quickly. Lots of the children in the school are on free school meals etc. and the school have a great second hand uniform shop that’s available and really cheap. The parents are generally really involved and committed and definitely don’t wear dressing gowns on the school run. Although, that does remind me of that Essex article about people thinking there was a dead leopard in the road outside school and it turned out to be a mum’s dressing gown, iirc!

[questiano]

@WheelsUp would rather torch my own nipples than vote Tory

[questiano]

@MagpieSong glad they sorted the bullying and we're supportive for the ADHD :-)

[Twilightstarbright]

@questiano my DS has someone he can talk to and a wide variety of clubs, but it’s a private school. Our local state school is more like crowd control than education.

[questiano]

@Twilightstarbright does he enjoy school?

[Jumpingjellycats]

Does your local community have an active Facebook page OP? Feel you’d be better asking this on there, people can give you real life feedback about specific schools, pastoral support, how they deal with bullying etc