Can the school do this? Breakfast and after-school club related.

[RicktheBrick]

DS moved schools in March after we moved house. He had some trouble settling in to start with but then seemed to be getting on ok. Parents evening was fine, no concerns raised at all.

I am going back to work next week after a year's maternity leave. I've emailed DSs (age 6) school to book him onto breakfast club for 3 days and after-school club for 1 day next week. I've had a response that says due to his "emotional difficulties" they basically don't have the staff to support him so he can't go.

For context, we have suspected ADHD for a while, and more recently possible PDA, he's very demand avoidant and does have meltdowns when he doesn't get his own way, but he's not violent or aggressive and when he's not having a meltdown, he's a delight. He doesn't have a EHCP, and I don't even know if school have made a referral for him to be assessed yet. I've been to the GP and they told me that school need to refer.

Recently (only the past 3 weeks, this was never an issue before at his old school. And I mean never!) we've been having trouble with him not wanting to go to school and a couple of occasions where he didn't want to come home and I had to drag him to the car (with the help of teachers on 1 of those occasions). He has tried to run off a couple of times and I had to abandon my other 2 children with the head teacher to run after him. As a result I now park in the school car park so that he is safe.

School have put some new coping strategies in place for him that do seem to work when he is feeling overwhelmed, and no one has expressed concerns with how he is behaving during the day. He has not tried to escape during the school day as far as we are aware. He comes out with a star chart filled up every day, and stickers all over his jumper. There's only been maybe only 1 or 2 days where he's not wanted to participate in an activity that I know he doesn't like anyway.

This week, the only occasion where he wouldn't go in was Monday morning, otherwise he has gone in and come out with no issues at all.

We have no family support, my DH works 7.30-4.30 and I will be working 8.30-5. I will drop off at 7.50 and DH will pick up at 5.15. My other 2 DCs will be going to a childminder 8-5 who is full up, and she was the only person I found locally with any spaces at all. We can't cut our hours down that much to accommodate a 2.45 finish every day (particularly at such short notice!) and neither of us has the option to WFH. We could use annual leave for an early finish for a short amount of time but that will get used up very quickly as we need to save some for Childminder holidays and Xmas where there is no childcare provision for him. After Whitsun week we need him in both clubs 5 days a week. I've had multiple conversations with the HT where I have mentioned me going back to work, and that he will need BF and AS club every day and that I won't be able to be hanging around trying to get him to go in as my morning schedule will be tight as it is, but she didn't mention anything about him not being able to go because of his recent behaviour.

I know he will enjoy after-school club, he's actually been asking to go. They get to pick what they do (so no demand placed on him), lots of crafting etc which he loves. He doesn't get to do that sort of stuff as often as he would like (every day) at home because my other 2 children are so young.

He also already starts school at 8.10, breakfast club starts at 7.50, so it's only an extra 20 minutes in the morning so I didn't really foresee an issue.

Sorry this is all a bit jumbled and much longer than I intended. Where do we stand with this as I know the BF and AS provision is not the same as the school day? Is there anything we can say/do/ask the school?

The difficulty with a parent paying a TA is that they then become their 'employer' during those hours - so are responsible for NI/tax etc. Schools don't tend to like it as it becomes a bit of a grey area as to who the TA is then answerable to.

What would happen if the TA was involved in an accident in terms of insurance cover?
A friend of mine did try and suggest this option to her DC's school and they said they couldn't agree.

As the parent of a DC with additional needs myself, it's incredibly difficult to find wraparound care. So many of us don't work or have to take a big step down in terms of pay/career. Of course all parents make sacrifices for their DC but for some DC - their level of specialised need is lifelong and expensive. I wish I knew what the answer was.

Thank you for any advice/suggestions.

DH and I had a meeting with the HT, his class teacher and the TA who has kind of taken over looking after DS.

They have basically agreed that he can do BC, but they will have to cap how many other children attend, and the same for ASC but they will only then run the entire club until 4.15, not 5.15. They're basically not making any money from it and because there's no demand for wrap around care in our area, they're going to be shutting it down in the new school year anyway.

They did make some other suggestions about local nurseries that do after-school club as it was clear they didn't really want to accommodate him, but there is no way he would be able to handle the transition with the way he has been lately and the staff pick the children up on a "walking bus", which clearly would not be safe if he is a flight risk and they have x amount of other children to supervise walking along a busy road, so as far as I'm concerned that's not an option.

DH is going to see if his work will allow him to do 7am-3.45 and then take a slightly shorter lunch break. I'm not sure if it's a possibility but we will see what they say.

Good luck. I hope that your DH's work can be supportive and that you find a good solution.

I hope your DH's work is supportive as well.

I do think this is the problem with relying on school ASC- they aren't required to provide it, and many aren't making money anymore (especially as they can cause higher energy bills etc for the school). I think more and more schools will be closing or reducing their ASC provision unfortunately.