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Primary education

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Is this a normal thing to happen in Reception? (disruptive boy given extra attention) long-ish post

344 replies

imaginaryfriend · 09/02/2008 21:49

I'm going to try to get this in a nutshell but it's quite complicated.

Dd's in Reception with a little boy, I'll call him 'Z' just to make things briefer. Z is a reasonably high achieving boy, he's in the 'top' group at the moment along with dd and 4 other girls, all at roughly the same level (I do parent reading with them once a week so I'm fairly confident about this). Z is an extremely disruptive boy despite being very bright, he's taken up to the Headmaster many times, sent into the 'buddy room', up and down the behaviour ladder. He does some pretty unpleasant things like telling the Muslim girl in the same group that all Muslims are going to go to Hell, telling a physically disabled boy that his built up shoes look 'stupid' and that because he's in a wheelchair he's going to die early. The list is as long as my arm. Dd's always coming home with new tales and Z's frequently the topic of upset for many of the mums whose kids have been physically hurt by him.

So he's a difficult character. The teacher has been giving him one-on-one time for 30 minutes after lunch to 'extend' his literacy and numeracy, a luxury that none of the other children get. Dd, for instance, has had one-on-one reading time with the teacher only once since starting in September when her parent reader was off sick. Z's mum says this is because his behaviour is so bad because he's not challenged enough and he 'plays tricks on people' when he's bored. She believes he's extremely gifted and the school isn't meeting the challenge of his intellect. She has frequent meetings with the teacher to discuss what they can do to give him more yet so far I don't see any change in his behaviour at all.

I, and a number of other mums, are beginning to feel a bit miffed that he gets so much attention when his behaviour is so appalling and that our own children get so little in comparison and I wondered if the teacher's decision to give him this extra tuition was a typical move with a disruptive but bright child. And if so, is it known to work?

I've been wondering whether to see the headmaster about the situation, especially given that dd's parent reader has been away for the last 2 weeks so dd hasn't read to anybody at all for 3 weeks now apart from the group guided reading sessions she does once a week. It seems unfair that the teacher can find 30 minutes once a day for one child and leave others with no time at all for weeks on end.

From what I can gather this is the teacher's first class as she's only just qualified as a teacher.

What would you do? Grin and bear it or go and speak to someone?

Z's mum is very 'pushy', she turns a blind eye to his behaviour problems and is genuinely convinced that it's the school's fault for not keeping him challenged. She said to me the other day that she 'doesn't rate' the teacher. I mentioned that she's getting quite a good deal, especially when there are some children who barely speak English (I listen to the lowest achieving group read and I really feel they could do with the teacher's direction rather than my completely unqualified one) who get no time with the teacher.

It seems to me to be a rather sad condition of our times that the worst behaved child gets the best and the quieter ones who are just getting on with school and doing their best are penalised.

Help me put this in perspective? I've made an appointment to see the teacher next Wednesday and I'd like to go in and say everything in a fair but clear way.

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ingles2 · 10/02/2008 21:56

Because that quote sounds so resentful, bitter and petty IF. Your OP sounds to me like you begrudge what this child is getting because in your opinion it is at the expense of your dd and is unwarranted. If that truely is the case and your dd is really suffering because this child gets 30 mins one on one, then by all means complain and I would suggest you go to the Head, I however think this is highly unlikely. I have to say, I'm very glad you're not a reading assistant at our school.

cariboo · 10/02/2008 21:57

Gulp! this sounds a bit like our situation with ds but thankfully he's not really violent nor is he cruel. What's SEN and IEP? I think you have to be quite certain of your facts before you meet with the teacher. Heresay is often wildly distorted.

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 21:58

yurt I have no intention of going in whinging. I'm going in to complain that my dd gets no one-on-one time with the teacher and her reading needs aren't being met.

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ingles2 · 10/02/2008 22:00

FGS IF, most dc's don't get one on one time with the teacher!

dividedselfridgesxmaswindow · 10/02/2008 22:02

My sister behaved badly at school. She was bored rigid, as was I, far more able than her peers and streets ahead with reading and comprehension work that we both had to do. I began to lack confidence and motivation, my sister acted the fool to fill the void. God did we need 30 mins of brain activity. We needed it and would have responded well to it. As it is neither us fully realised our academic potential imo.

Thank goodness for improvements in modern day teaching where this sort of thing is recognised and extra provision is made!

No question that you are being verrrrrry unreasonable in resenting this boy the time he clearly needs.

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:02

ingles you're choosing to read what I've written in that way. And you don't need to resort to insults. Other people have recognised that I've made a reasonable OP with a valid question. And none of this has anything to do with my parent reading which is for 20 mins at the end of the day twice a week. I didn't find out about any of this stuff with Z through reading with the kids. I do that in a little room off the classroom and I focus on what I'm doing. I'd have heard about the other things whether I was reading with the kids or not.

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imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:03

divided you're describing what's happening with my dd. She's drifting, losing interest and very bored for much of the day. Many children in the class may be in the same boat. But they are not being noticed.

That's the point of my OP.

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imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:05

ingles I mean my dd has had one one-on-one reading session with her teacher since last September. And no one-on-one time with the TA at all. She reads to parent helpers once a week (when it happens, which usually isn't once a week) and she does guided reading in a group of 6 children once a week.

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Earlybird · 10/02/2008 22:06

Yes, I do remember - though, I believe you've had several Mumsnet 'incarnations' since then! I always keep an eye out for you online. I'm sorry we never got together on our own, or with Welshmum (who sadly isn't much in evidence online these days). We relocated to America 6 months ago - not sure if permanent - so we missed our opportunity to meet up....at least for now.

But back to the subject at hand - would either ask another Mum to look after dd during the conference (perhaps Z's mum could accomodate ?), or look to borrow an ipod/radio/tape player etc so that dd would be absorbed in her own 'world' while you speak of her with the teacher. It would allow you to speak freely, and probably be better for a sensitive child.

ingles2 · 10/02/2008 22:07

I am not resorting to insults IF, I'm stating my opinion.
I do not understand how you think it is valid to justify your uncharitable and unverified opinion on hearsay from other parents, children or the mother herself. Actually I do suggest you go and ask the teacher exactly why Z gets extra time and see what she says!!!!!

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:07

divided and do the 5 children in dd's class who barely speak English not have the right to get some of the teacher's time? And the little boy whose mum is terminally ill? And 3 extremely shy girls whose mums tell me they 'drift' around all day not sure what to do?

That's all veeerrry unreasonable is it?

Just who are the kids who wouldn't benefit from 30 mins of the teacher's attention??

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yurt1 · 10/02/2008 22:07

How many children do get 1 on 1 time with the teacher? If none (except a disruptive boy who sounds like he needs it) then you'll look a bit silly. If everyone but your dd gets time then yes of course complain.

Disruptiveness often needs teacher and/or LSA time to sort out. It might seem unfair, but it's better than excluding a child in reception or having him disrupt the entire class for the next 6 years.

ingles2 · 10/02/2008 22:09

And having done this school thing for a quite a few years now, I'm always pleased when my ds's just read with the TA as it means there are no problems to warrant the teachers time.

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:09

ingles ... hearsay from 'the mother herself'?!

I don't know what you're getting at. You're missing my point. And repeating criticisms that've been said too many times on this thread already.

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imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:10

My dd doesn't read with the TA, I'd be totally happy with that. She reads, as I've said, with a parent helper. Once a week on a good week.

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yurt1 · 10/02/2008 22:11

I think you can complain that your dd hasn't read to anyone in 3 weeks- but not really that another child is getting 30 mins a day. You don't know the story there and they won't discuss it with you.

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:12

yurt I've already said I won't discuss his 30 min sessions with the teacher.

My OP asked if it was normal practice and if it was effective and fair.

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ingles2 · 10/02/2008 22:13

IF, you're missing the point! Quite a few posters have already explained that the mother will not necessarily tell you the truth!

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:14

And I have responded that I think she would. I've known her for 10 years and you guys are just guessing at her personality.

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Heated · 10/02/2008 22:16

Don't be unkind & judgmental.

You only have to see from reading the entire thread the scenario laid before us, and the advice IF has sought and taken on board before formulating her next step.

It is important that all children feel valued & motivated and IF's little girl does not. It is immaterial really as to why that is the case, just that something needs to change.

As I posted earlier it is quite common for Newly Qualified Teachers to sometimes focus too much on their more challenging students, since they loom large in their minds. A more experienced teacher will deploy LAs/TAs more effectively and make all the children in their class feel valued. Sometimes just a bit of guidance early on can help, which is why I do think IF should speak to the head about her dd being overlooked (if nothing comes in the next few weeks of speaking to the teacher) & hopefully the head will start making some supportive moves.

yurt1 · 10/02/2008 22:18

oh that 'he's so bright' just sounds like denial to me. Let's hope he settles down. When ds1 was being assessed there was only one person I spoke to about it. Nothing to do with length of time I'd known her (she was a 'new' friend) she just had the knack of knowing exactly what to say.

Forget about him, he's not your concern. The teacher won't discuss him anyway and it sounds like the fewer whispers there about him the better tbh.

Complain about your dd not getting enough reading practice, but forget the rest.

ingles2 · 10/02/2008 22:18

Ok, as you obviously don't want any criticism and have made up your mind on what's fair or not fair I'll give you a definitive answer.
If the school and the teacher have decided that Z warrants 30 mins one on one, then it is fair!

LadyMuck · 10/02/2008 22:20

Aren't NQTs in state schools monitored and observed though? Would a 22yo really have carte blanche to devote 30 minutes a day to one child without the involvement of anyone else other than the pushy mother?

yurt1 · 10/02/2008 22:21

I'm sure a child getting 30 mins 1 on 1 will have an IEP so I would expect the SENCo to be involved at least.

imaginaryfriend · 10/02/2008 22:21

Heated I did mentally note what you said earlier about NQT.

My current plan is to speak to the teacher purely about dd and to ask if it's possible to boost her self-esteem a bit and make sure she gets to read at least once a week whoever it's with.

If the situation continues after half term perhaps I might speak to the Head although I'd have to really pluck up courage for that!

This thread has done zero for my own self esteem. If it wasn't for the fact that it's dd that I'm concerned over I wouldn't have continued with this discussion.

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