Reception - disappointing parents evening

[moleinstudy]

Our DD is young in the year (early August) but is doing well at reading and maths (sits on the top tables apparently). Average at writing. She's not a genius but the academic side sounds like it is going ok.

But I feel sad today as her teacher has described a girl that isn't recognisable to me at parents evening. Apparently she often doesn't listen, doesn't try hard, rushes and sometimes even point blank refuses to follow instructions. This has come out of nowhere as far as I am concerned.

I feel like she is utterly exhausted every single day. Will this get better as she matures or do we need to hammer more discipline into her. I really don't want to! She just seems like a happy, well meaning child to us - we rarely have to tell her off.

Any tips for perhaps encouraging her to follow instructions most welcome. I'm all ears.

I am also hoping someone will come on and say their reception kid was the same and a model student by year 1!

I will ask teacher for advice (caught a bit off guard tonight) but don't expect she has much time to focus on one kid unfortunately. Teacher does seem lovely.

Thank you.

Your dd is just 5 then and has been at school 2 months roughly?
If so then don't worry. Your dd may just be a little overwhelmed. Certainly don't discipline her.
Ask her about her day and if she's enjoying school and is there anything she finds easy or anything she finds difficult. Does she like her teacher, does she get tired.
Keep the questions open ended and very gently probe.
I wouldn't think she'll be as tired after Christmas.
And there's always the chance the teacher has got the wrong dc, it happens.

I used to teach Reception (now a sahm) and have also just had parents' evening for my august born child! Our experiences sound worlds apart. My teacher talked about settling, independence, favourite activities, confidence and friends. She very briefly touched on what sounds have been learnt and general ways to support maths at home but that was literally it in terms of the academic stuff. It seems odd that there was a mention of 'top tables' for subjects as that sounds very key stage 1 to me. They're meant to be learning through play as this is the most appropriate and effective for that age group. Obviously I haven't met your dd but perhaps she's doing really well and it's just that the school is a bit off the mark with its priorities and focuses. I wouldn't worry about your child. Settling and independence is the key at this early stage.

she is just 4. Still a little thing!

Have a chat to your DD over half term and drop in some of the negatives in a questioning way
I wonder if she is getting overwhelmed by the classroom? Might she benefit from some quiet time outs in the day?

Was the teacher actually talking about the right child? I only ask as, at DD's first parents' evening in the October when she was in reception, it was only when the teacher commented on her being so young, that I realised she was talking about a totally different child.
I happened to mention this to a friend whose DD was in the same class and whose DD shared the same first name and the same surname initial with one of those girls and the teacher had mixed them up too. My friend had been much more alert to it as there had been various mix ups already.
With 30 kids to get to know, I only had sympathy for the teacher!

I think how that teacher spoke about a four year old after two months of school was frankly despicable.

Maybe she should look at making her lessons more fun and engaging, or perhaps work on her patience a bit?

Ks2 teacher here for what it's worth...

One year when you're 4 is 25% of your life. Some of the kids that she's measured against are nearly a year older. Of course she's more likely to be less mature than someone 11 months older. You need yo play the long game and realise that it's going to take time for her to catch up. It could be year 1 but could equally be year 4/5.

I have a son who is late August and he was behind the autumn borns. He's now a teen and O can't tell which kid is born in which month any more. He's painfully aware that he'll be last in his year to drive or go to a pub but academically and socially he's fine.

The school system is set up so that kids always have a target that they are working towards. It's not because children are lacking, it's the way things are. Be happy with her strengths and maybe have a chat with her about school. I was a parent volunteer when my kids were in primary and I was shocked what classrooms were like. The kids and teachers do well to accomplish what they do in crowded and pretty noisy rooms.

Did your daughter go to nursery/preschool? Is it possible that being at school is very different than what’s she’s used to?
I volunteer with my daughters Y1 class and there’s still plenty of times the kids have to be reminded about listening, taking turns, not getting distracted etc.

She won’t understand any of those things however you put them - eg. Could you do with some time to relax by playing? They’ll all say yes generally and most of the time it’s play anyway.

are there really “top tables”? As others have said it’s about learning to sit down and hold a pen etc.

having said that I know how hard it is to hear a parents’ evening which isn’t in-keeping with how you think of your little one. I think it’s about sharing your experiences with the teacher too as often they don’t know what they’re like outside of the classroom. It’s a tough progression to school and beyond!

@bakewellbride perhaps I am doing the parents evening a disservice by focusing on the negatives. The top tables thing was barely mentioned and the kids aren't aware of it, I think she just wanted us to know that she is bright-ish.

She did discuss friendships and DD's personality etc. She was described as lovely.

But it ended with a list of examples of DD not 'behaving optimally' (for want of a better phrase!). And I left feeling a bit shocked and disappointed. It sounds like they regard her as a bit difficult to be honest! They did say she has huge potential.

I am just torn as to whether to:

1. Write this off as her being young/still settling in/ tired and do nothing; or
2. really try and make changes because they are obviously flagging concerns!

Part of me probably just needs to get a grip.

Sounds like a normal just 4 year old. Youngest DD was end July born and didn't go to a preschool like her big sister. ALl her reception teacher said was that she could tell this, as she wasn't used to sitting in a big group and listening.

Don't worry.

I agree. Such skewed priorities. A four year old "not trying hard enough", FFS.

Good grief, the expectations for a just 4 year old here are startling. That is insane. I would strongly question the professionalism and experience of a teacher, not to mention the ethos of the school, who is assessing a small child in this way. Surely at this stage in the year the focus should be on how she is doing socially, coping with the length of school day etc? And what is this talk of top tables etc?

Ignore ignore ignore would be my advice.

And what is all this rot about ‘not trying hard enough’???

Let her be!!
If you are confident that at home is following instructions, there is nothing else you need to do.
Dont punish her or whatever else you can think of fir something that is happening at school when you aren’t there.

fwiw the not listening might well be her being too tired to cope with a full school day. The not trying hard enough could be the same (yes I’ve had a crap reception teacher telling me my dc was lazy when actually he was struggling…).
if she is doing well, in the top table etc… she can’t be ‘nit trying hard enough’!

As fir her being difficult…. that’s her teacher’s issue. Not yours (see again the fact you don’t see said issues at home…)

If there was one thing I would concentrate on it’s play and sleep when she comes back home. I suspect this is what will do her the most good.

Bizarre, I have never heard anything like this. How can they be having different groups for maths already? I've worked with several different schools and never heard of this for this ageand time in the year. Listening doesn't come all that naturally for reception children, they learn it through routine and clear expectations so it can just take time. Reception children find school very tiring, my own dd is no different. The teacher's comments sound really odd.

Ignore the teacher. She's only just 4. Some kids are still having afternoon naps at that age!

Refuses to follow instructions is the one I'd pick up on and try to find out more. Ask the teacher for examples. If it's things like "wash your hands" or "tidy up," then she definitely does need to practise following instructions.

But anything academic, hard to follow through at home.

She's so little, has been there a few weeks and has years to learn the ropes... I wouldn't be doing anything differently at all.

Mmmm. I'd be calling the school after some reflection and saying:

How can we support to improve her behaviour in class. More sleep, bigger breakfast etc.

Ask them specifically the strategies that they are going to use to support your daughter in conforming to class standards of behaviour. Has she been told or shown how to behave? Is she praised when she or others behave well, or produces a good piece of work when she has behaved well.
Is this typical of a summer born, is it just settling in issues or is there an underlying class dynamic that your child doesn't respond to well.

It could be something simple like she just wants to play with her friends instead of working. My youngest thinks school is one whole big social so I put him in after school club so he can chat and play with his friends, and organised some play dates.

She's too young to be saying that she is poorly behaved unless she's kicking and screaming or being persistently disruptive.

Try not to get down about it, she's on a long journey and she will likely get there in the end.

Top tables in reception? Wtf?
My august baby in reception can just about recognise his name, knows some letters not all, certainly nowhere near reading and writes his name different every time lol

His dad and I are both educated to post grad level, I am not concerned that at 4 he isn’t writing properly.

I would first of all relax on that side of things and concentrate on just helping her to focus and enjoy activities for the purpose of the activity not necessarily the outcome.

I think ignoring the teacher and saying 'she's only 4' is short-sighted.

The teacher will have seen many children and knows what is acceptable and what is realistic. She isn't saying this for fun.

I wouldn't be cracking the whip or anything, but I would be having a chat about trying your best, listening and following instructions. I would also ask for a follow up appointment or a chat to check there has been an improvement.

That teacher sounds absolutely terrible OP!! Top tables in reception, really?

Your DD is just 4. “Average for writing” terrible.

The most important thing you can do is keep going to school as a happy thing for her. Talk about the fun stuff, encourage friendships etc.
Don't quiz her, she'll have no clue what you're on about.
To be honest I'd be more inclined to query the culture of the school than her 'performance' on the back of that parents evening.
Learning through play is where it's at in reception. Encouraging well rounded development and good social skills is just as if not more important as that supports everything else.

'Top tables' is probably the way they organise group work- a group for children who can count to 100+, a group for children who can count to 20, a group for those who are still working on 10. Nothing to get wildly upset about.