Reception - disappointing parents evening

[moleinstudy]

Our DD is young in the year (early August) but is doing well at reading and maths (sits on the top tables apparently). Average at writing. She's not a genius but the academic side sounds like it is going ok.

But I feel sad today as her teacher has described a girl that isn't recognisable to me at parents evening. Apparently she often doesn't listen, doesn't try hard, rushes and sometimes even point blank refuses to follow instructions. This has come out of nowhere as far as I am concerned.

I feel like she is utterly exhausted every single day. Will this get better as she matures or do we need to hammer more discipline into her. I really don't want to! She just seems like a happy, well meaning child to us - we rarely have to tell her off.

Any tips for perhaps encouraging her to follow instructions most welcome. I'm all ears.

I am also hoping someone will come on and say their reception kid was the same and a model student by year 1!

I will ask teacher for advice (caught a bit off guard tonight) but don't expect she has much time to focus on one kid unfortunately. Teacher does seem lovely.

Thank you.

She’s a little dot still!

i wouldn’t give it another thought

I second this. She’s a baby.

Wtf. That doesn't sound like any reception class I've seen (and I've worked in and with a few.)

This term is more about settling in/ phonics/ small activities but still all free flow and play.
Don't take it to heart. I think kids do better with more time to unwind personally.

It’s a long hard slog being a very young reception child, when I had reception I usually had a couple or three curled up on the carpet having a nap at home time.

Re following instructions, first of all it is quite a sophisticated thing to remember and follow instructions, most adults are prettying shit at it, especially if there are several layers or steps to be followed in the right order, second of all it takes a while for children to cotton on to the fact that they are actually being asked to follow instructions at all because in school the teacher will often preface an instruction with fairly loose terms such as “all the packed lunch children…..” “ all Miss X,s group….” “everyone who wants a milk….” “ all the children who need to finish their Halloween lanterns….” “all green table…..” . A child has first to recognise that they are included in a particular cohort before responding and remembering the instruction, and many don’t! And often they are too busy fixing their hair grip or their friends hair grip , or watching a fly, or playing with their Velcro shoe to be listening because there is an awful lot of listening in schools and everyone knows how easy it is to switch off especially if it is not something that you think directly involves you! School is not like home, and it takes a while for the differences to sink in, one of them being that you are not always identified directly by your name, but by your occasional and sometimes fleeting membership of a variety of quite fluid groups.

OP I'm really shocked by your post, honestly.

My DS is 5 and started Y1 in September. The teacher LITERALLY said: "in reception we just let them play and follow their own interests, supporting them where we can. Now he's in Y1 we do have to ask them to sit still and listen for longer and do actual work. Your DS would still rather be playing than listening! But then he's only 5 so I can't blame him for that..."

How the hell you got such negative feedback from your DDs reception teacher is beyond me. I would be minded to complain to the head of year - they may be inexperienced or just bad at this? Or does the school have weird "good behaviour"-focused leadership/ethos? I'd be considering moving her if I were you.

At 4 and she should just be enjoying her first long days at school - which are exhausting for every child - and trying not to pee her pants!

Sounds like a bit of a crap setting really, what are they doing sitting at ability grouped tables? Communication and

Oops posted too soon,

Communication and language and personal, social, emotional development are the curriculum, any feedback should be on her starting point and what they and you can do to help her reach her next steps.

I know another poster said in reply to me it's not worth chatting to your DD, but I still disagree.
You might get nothing at all, but asking some questions like
What do you like at school
How do you feel when teacher asks you to sit and do things at tables
teacher says sometimes you don't want to do things she asks....
Is there anything you don't like....

You may find she says 'I don't like writing it makes my hand hurt' or 'sometimes it's really loud and my brain stops'

You won't know unless you try.

Agree, how are you going to know if you don't ask. DD had a reason and it was new intake. We found that out by asking.

The clsssroom set up sounds awful if they have 'top tables' in an EYFS setting.

My August boy didn't do much in reception. He was below average in Sat's in Yr 2. He wasn't that interested in sitting still. Yr 3 parents evening was terrible. The teacher asked to redo it. It then started to click in year 4 and 5. He was average and just above in year 6. He was preficted 5s &6s for gcses (based on his sat results) He then got 8s & 9s in his gcses and is flying at his A levels.

Don't worry. She's young. Learning isn't linear. The biggest thing is to help her believe in herself. She'll get there

I have a summer born daughter - she’s currently in year 1.
Her first parents evening in reception I was worried after some comments the teacher made - but her end of year report and final comments from the teacher were absolutely glowing and I couldn’t have been more proud.
the first autumn term is really hard and exhausting for the young ones - I would try not to pay attention to the more negative comments, it sounds like your daughter is doing great and I’m sure she’ll be thriving even more in six months, let alone next year

Jesus Christ your DC isn't an 'average child'. She's just a child.

That school sounds like a cess pit.

I have asked her why she sometimes doesn't listen and she says she prefers to play.

There is definitely no problem in following complex instructions when she wants to. It is more a case of getting distracted by some fluff on her sleeve or something...

She has gone in today very excited and I have just told her in a relaxed way to do what the teachers say and to try her best to concentrate.

Super.

It's not unlikely she would be a 'different child' at school than at home. At school there are 30 children in a busy classroom. At home there is just her & siblings.

Teachers need to say what they see, it doesn't mean they are judging, they are just keeping you informed. If it got to the end of the year and something came up you'd be miffed you hadn't been told earlier and would feel irritated if the teacher said 'I was waiting to see whether it changed'.

I think she maybe tried to kindly infer that your daughter might need to understand that she needs to follow the teachers instructions.I work with 3/4/5 years old and have noticed a decline in the basics ie basic manners-please and thank you-constantly assuming adults will do things for them rather than being independent and doing things for themselves.The pandemic has really effected the children in seeing coming to school in the last.Lots of them do find it hard to follow instructions so I wouldn’t worry about that.She is very young and should be judged so by the teacher.I would focus more on discussing with your DD that she should be doing as teacher asks her and not refusing to follow instructions.

she is tooo tooooo young and needs time to settle into a long school day...just give her some time and keep the channels of communication open with you DD and school :) am not sure why they are differentiating so quickly - they should focus on learning through play and settling in and nothing too complicated !

My son was like this. He was quite bright so would not feel like he had to try at school and much preferred to chat and play! He was also an August birthday, I felt he was too young to start school at that time.
He is now 20 - at university and doing fab. What I will say from experiencing many parent / teacher evenings - the feedback would change every year depending on the teacher. Sometimes they would love him and he would get glowing reports, sometimes not so much (and like some others have said sometimes I thought they didn't actually know my child at all!)
I wouldn't worry at all, 4 is so young. If she stops progressing over the next year or two and still isn't paying attention then I would look at ways to help her, but I think it takes time to adapt to school and its structure. She is still in the settling in phase x

Aw. She's so little and she's only been in school a couple of months. I think a lot of children that have been through the pandemic have had less opportunity to get used to a more structured environment at nursery/preschool. My dd started school in Sept 2020, they were only in school for half of P1 (due to lockdowns etc) and my P2 (y1) parents meeting went similarly to yours but she made great progress over the year. I would just gently remind her to listen and that the teacher is the boss and don't worry any more about it.

The teacher sounds very ott for a first parents meeting for a 4 year old. I have found (I have 2 older boys) that teachers mention things in relation to dd - being confident, having strong opinions - that wouldn't really be brought up in relation to boys, so keep an eye out for that.

you have hit on a very interesting point regarding gendering of behaviour - it is possible for sure that some things are considered 'normal' for boys and flagged for girls at this stage like defying rules and not following instructions !

@walkinpark I noticed it straight away - particularly as dd and ds1 are very similar so I felt like I could directly compare teachers comments.

I wouldn’t worry @moleinstudy - she’s only little and it’s a lot to take in. My DC all started school when they were nearly 5, so they had that extra time at nursery to play and nap, and just have fun (all November birthdays). I really wouldn’t look too much into it - it sounds like she’s doing well and, as you say, she’s only 4!

Can I just say:

DD was apparently rude and uncooperative as a child.

I was told she was bossy and her handwriting was well below expected. She also couldn’t read. Maths was outstanding as she could add she multiply. Physically poor apparently well she has a physical disability - so that wasn’t surprising

in year 2 she thrived - a lot of bullying for what of a better word went on in year 1 and reception ‘in parents’ family party and she wasn’t invited or involved. She had also just turned 4 in the August of the month before she started of reception but the eldest girl in the class turned 6 in September so effectively 2 whole years between them.
A lot of girls clambering to be queen bee.

Roll on to year 11 just received her year 11 report-
straight A grades for effort behaviour and homework and level 9 predicted in the 10 GCSEs she is taking.
however she already has 2 GCSEs and 2 a levels are being taken alongside gcse. She’s doing a BTEC in leadership outside of school and has started on her silver d of e as has completed bronze already. She is a young leader mentored and tutoring younger pupils and house captain in year 11 rather than the usual year 12. That bossy and argumentative was actually leadership.

she is 4 years old. So was mine.
the teacher expected all the girls to tidy away inside and the boys put the balls away outside (!)
the teacher asked mine ‘can you put your work in your tray’ my 4 year old said yes but carried on - teacher complained bitterly to me she wasn’t following instructions mine said she could put it away but was finishing. And would when she was done. In front of the teacher I said ‘ when the teacher says ‘can’ she isn’t asking if you are physically able she means now’ as it ‘put your work away now’
ok said mine and no problems after.
structured sessions for 7 hours a day 5 days a week is a lot.

most in reception can form letters and just about write their own name.

in you want to support her ignore the negative slant and say

’right Sarah on the way home we will talk about your day and you can tell me the worse bit and best bit and then we are going to play a listening game - I’m going to list 5 things and ask you a question when we get home eg house car school swing and dog question when you get home which one was an animal? And then reward massively - start off with 3 if you like and then biscuit and milk when home.

the listening sound like tiredness so plenty of rest. Too

also average at writing ffs but if you want to support write out 3 letter words and get her to copy or 10 mins in a CGP book etc

but praise praise praise

Oh and mine was free reading by year 2 and had a reading age of 18 by 11.

This. Children come into reception with w idly differing abilities - some are still learning and to count to 10, others are already adding and subtracting, can count past 100 etc.

It all tends to even out by age 7 but initially the work does need to be quite differentiated.